When you are alone

when you are alone
in the darkness
everything feels
just a little more overwhelming
when you are alone
and so scared
you feel weak
you feel vulnerable
it is then
you wish you had someone
to pull you close
hold you tight
it is then
you need an ear
a friend
a hug
when you are alone

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I am feeling really suicidal

I am spiraling out of control. I feel really down and depressed. It has come on me all of a sudden. I woke with nightmares, and it went from there. Right now I want to just end it. I feel so bad. Dont worry, I probably wont do anything stupid, mainly because, I am seeing dr. barry this morning. I feel so bad though. The suicidal thoughts are so strong. They are overwhelming me. I am trying everything to feel better. Nothings working. I just feel like total shit right now. Thank god for dr. barry. I will talk to her today and see what she says. I know some of this is down to some alters struggling, they’ve been struggling, emily has, and liz has, but they’ve been trying to stay strong, its so hard for emily, she’s only a kid only 12. She worries me, as in the past she’s tried overdosing many, many times. I get worried when she is struggling. It frightens me that we could attempt it. Liz frightens me too, as she self harms, and cutting is her main form of self harm, so when she struggles with suicidal ideation, it can be dangerous for us. Its a pity eileen is not around, we could really use her support right now. I am thankful that we can be honest with dr. barry though, that helps. I am so glad we have her. Maybe Emily and Liz might either talk directly to her today, or else maybe if they are feeling up to it they’ll write something later on today on the blog.
For now though, I am not sure what to do. I feel emotional, overwhelmed, agitated, and not in the least bit strong.

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Seldomly, I cry

Seldomly she said
Seldomly I cry
Why?
Because, because
Crying shows how weak I am
Never!
Crying is theraputic
It is a release
could she?
Would she?
Was crying really ok?
Her friend motioned to her
Just let it go
Dont worry!
Fear not!
Crying, everyone should do it!
Its healing!
She sat staring into her coffee mug
Wondering, pondering
Was this really true?
Should she just let go?
It was seldomly that she did
She never wanted to be percieved as weak
but maybe, maybe
she could now, just this once!

I wrote this poem in relationship to how I feel at the moment. I am feeling as if I shouldnt be so weak, I shouldnt cry, I shouldnt let my guard down. I suppose its ok though, right? Its ok not to be ok?
carol anne

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/02/21/seldomly/

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