Yesterdays therapy session

Therapy was intense yesterday. First of all, the taxi driver that took us there was new. And he didn’t know where he was going. And he wouldn’t ask the base operator for directions. I told him I had to be there at 3:45 so could he please ask for directions. Eventually reluctantly he told me to ring our therapist. So I did. She ended up giving him directions. He kept snapping at her to be patient with him, but he was the one being impatient. His tone of voice, and the way he was presenting triggered us so that by the time we got to our therapists office we just wanted to get out of the car and away from him. Eileen must have sensed that we weren’t ok because she came out to get us, something she hardly ever does. So she brought us in and we sat down. We were so anxious. She worked with us to slow our breathing down, so that we’d be able to talk. We worked for a few minutes on defusing the triggers and stress we were feeling. Eventually we were ok and able to continue with our session. We talked a little about the intense dissociation we’d been having all week. Long episodes of depersonalisation, derealisation, and lost time. Insiders had been doing things that I had no awareness of. Notes had been left for me sometimes. At other times insiders had been coming out and doing stuff while I was totally unaware. It felt very scary. Eileen said maybe parts were angry because I’d decided to take our relationship to the next level, trust wise. She said perhaps parts were scared or angry or confused or something else. I said I didn’t know but its possible. Liz wanted to have some time so she did. I don’t know what exactly happened when she had her time but I do know she felt a lot better after they’d talked. She felt more grounded and less triggered. We talked about Halloween coming up. We’re going to have an extra session on Halloween week. Our psychiatrist Dr Barry is on holiday that week, and we’ll be seeing Zulijana the junior doctor. But we don’t really know her so we wont tell her too much I’d say. Eileen said she could see us on Tuesday and Thursday of that week. That will be good because we’ll probably be a total mess. I told her that and she said its ok if we’re a mess, we can work with that. We also had a little bit of a stressful finish because the taxi driver who was supposed to pick us up, his car broke down. The firm sent another but we had to wait 45 minutes. Eileen didn’t have another client so that was good. We were able to wait in her office, and she even made us a cup of tea while we waited. She’s such a sweetheart. It was a good session over all though and we felt much better after it.