INTENSE THERAPY SESSION AND FOLLOW UP

YESTERDAY I HAD THEARPY TIME. THAT WAS VERY INTENSE. I DIDNT WANT TO BE THERE, I DIDNT WANT TO TALK, I DIDNT WANT TO DO THERAPY AT ALL. BUT I WAS NOMINATED TO BE THE SPOKESPERSON FOR THE DARK INSIDERS, SO I ENDED UP TALKING A WHOLE LOT. FIRST OF ALL I TALKED ABOUT A PAST ABUSER, HE HAD THREATENED ME, ON THE PHONE. HE TOLD ME I SHOULDNT TALK TO EILEEN, I SHOULDNT DISCLOSE ANY INFO AT ALL. I FELT LIKE I WAS DOING WRONG IN OPENING UP. LIKE I WAS GOING TO BE PUNISHED FOR IT. AND HE COULD GET TO ME, HE COULD DO SOMETHING TERRIBLE IF HE FOUND OUT I WAS SPEAKING ABOUT MY PAST. LOTS OF MY SYSTEM INSIDE WERE SCARED, THEY FELT LIKE WE COULD BE HURT LIKE WE WERE 2 YEARS AGO WHEN WE WERE ASSAULTED. THERE ARE INSIDERS WHO REPORT BACK TO ABUSERS, ITS PART OF THE RITUAL ABUSE. THEY TELL THEM WHAT WE’RE UP TO, WHATS GOING ON IN THERAPY ETC. ITS HARD TO BREAK THAT PATTERN, THEY FEEL LOYAL TO THE ABUSERS, HELL I USED TO FEEL LIKE THAT, SOMETIMES I STILL DO. AFTER TALKING SOME MORE ABOUT ALL THAT, I STARTED TO FEEL REALLY YOUNG, SO ME AND EILEEN WORKED WITH THE EMOTIONS OF THE YOUNG PART THAT WAS SURFACING. SHE WAS ABOUT 5, SHE FELT SAD, AND SHE JUST WANTED EILEEN. SHE NEEDED HER REASSURANCES AND LOVE. SHE STARTED TO FLOOD ME. I DID MY BEST BUT I STARTED TO GET FLOATY, AND DISORIENTATED. EILEEN WORKED TO SOOTHE THE PART, WE DIDNT HAVE HER NAME. BUT WE JUST KNEW SHE NEEDED TO BE HEARD. EILEEN HAD ME PLACE A HAND ON MY STOMACH AND ONE ON MY HEART, AND TRY TO FUNNEL MY WARMTH AND PROTECTION DOWN TO HER, BECAUSE SHE HAD ASKED ME HOW I FELT TOWARDS THIS PART AND I SAID PROTECTIVE. IT KIND OF WORKED BUT I KEPT GETTING OVERWHELMED. EVENTUALLY EILEEN HAD ME WALK AROUND THE ROOM WITH HER TO GROUND ME BACK TO THE PRESENT. THAT WAS HELPFUL. WE ALSO DRANK A GLASS OF WATER EACH TOO WHICH HELPED, THE COLDNESS OF THE WATER HELPED. I LEFT OK BUT THIS MORNING I GOT TRIGGERED INTO THAT VERY YOUNG PART AGAIN AND COULDNT GET OUT OF THE TRAUMATISED STATE SO ENDED UP PHONING EILEEN AND WE MADE A ROOM INSIDE WHERE THAT PART COULD BE CONTRAINED. EILEEN SAID SHE DOESNT HAVE TO BE ON HER OWN IN THE ROOM, I OR SOMEONE ELSE INSIDE COULD GO IN AND COMFORT HER BUT THAT WE SHOULD TRY TO KEEP HER CONTAINED UNTIL WE ARE ABLE TO WORK MORE WITH HER IN SESSION AGAIN. THAT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA TO ME.
[WENDY