Yesterday we saw dr barry. Remember Jasmine was suicidal? Well she was going to talk to her. But Dr Barry said she thought that since Jasmine was doing therapy with Eileen at present, that there would be little value right now in her also talking with her. She said that it is better for consistency if Jasmine sticks to doing one thing for now, and maybe in a few weeks when things calm down that she can talk to her then. Jasmine was ok with that although she was a little bit upset as she did want to talk and was building herself up to it. Dr Barry said she was mindful of a conversation we’d had months ago where I’d told her that sometimes I leave our sessions feeling traumatised and overwhelmed and unable to cope, so that is why she was being careful. She said while she knows Jasmine is struggling big time right now, and she appreciates that she is, that her working with Eileen is probably a better option for now, and what we get from our sessions with eileen, and what we get from our sessions with Dr Barry are very different. I dont really agree, but I didnt say so. I think to be honest that Dr Barry is like our second therapist, although I dont think she sees it that way. But we do discuss really deep things with her, intimate datails of abuse, etc. So she asked me how I was doing, she said it was very important that I was ok and coping, since I am the main front person, who manages college day to day, deals with the world on a daily basis. I said I wasnt ok, that Jasmines feelings were filtering through to me and it was very unsettling. She said the best thing for me to do is to accept that Jasmine needs to go through what she’s going through in regards to the suicidal thoughts and urges, she needs to work on them and process her feelings and I need to accept that this is where she’s at for now and it wont always be this way but for now it is. She encouraged me to use my emotion regulation techniques, I told her I was trying but I wasnt getting very far. She said I have a lot of skills at my disposal and that even though I cant seem to use them very much now, that I do have them and tapping into them would be the key. I told her my sleep patterns were off and she asked me if I’d go on sleep meds for 2 weeks, just to try to regulate them again. So I agreed to that and she gave me zimovane 7.5 MG for two weeks. She said that med only stays in your system for 4 hours at a time, so if I took one and then woke up again and wasnt able to go back to sleep that I could take another. I’m not thrilled that I have to take sleep meds but if it helps in the long run I suppose I will do it. She said we’d review again in two weeks to see where things are at. We talked about college and I told her how stressed I am about the module I am doing now, which is excel. I told her I feel like I am doing all the work, fighting for my needs to be met, telling the tutors everything I need, giving them solutions to the ongoing problems etc. I feel I am doing it all on my own without much help and its totally stressing me out. She said that despite everything going on for us right now, we’re relatively stable and she told me thats what she’s been putting in our notes of late, that despite all the ongoing emotional distress we’re relatively stable and she told me I should be very proud of how well I am managing things. She had to get a script from zuliana her junior doctor because she ran out of scripts and when she came back to write out the script she told me that the previous day at the hospital they’d had the sniffer dogs from the customs unit in to sniff for drugs because they are having a problem with drugs on the ward in the hospital. I wish I could have been there to see that. The reason she told me that was because she said the dog reminded her of Nitro. I’m seeing her again next week on wednesday at 4. While I waited for my taxi to go home Mark my OT came along and we chatted for a few minutes. He said he was going to phone me today to see how things were, so he was glad to have caught me just then. My taxi came then so we didnt talk for long but I did get to tell him about how stressed I was and he told me to buzz him on Friday if I needed to. I do feel really supported by my mental health team and I am glad of that.