Something to celebrate

I slept. I got through the night. Even though I was missing Eileen so much, I made it.
Doing a happy dance! 😀
This morning I am celebrating my achievements. I will celebrate with a cup of coffee and a big smile plastered across my face. Eileen will be so proud of me. I used my coping skills. I didn’t wallow. I didn’t give in. Instead I practiced self care. I was ok.
Counting my blessings, life is good!


Before I get into this post, if anyone wants to connect with me on facebook then feel free to add me

Im very chillaxed tonight. Not much going on at all. I am having a nice quiet night in. Just browsing on fb. I spent some time deleting old accounts. I kept my carol anne one, and this one I jus posted, but I had other old ones, that I needed to delete, so as not to confuse people. If you don’t have me listed on that account, add me? I’d love to connect with all of you.

Have spent a lovely hour or two chatting with friends. And just browsing and enjoying a coffee, now am going to go read for a while.

Dr. Barry says I have made progress

So yesterday I saw dr. barry. We were discussing how its now been 1 year since Remy came over and did his assessment, met with myself, dr. barry and Eileen. Dr. Barry said she cant believe its been a year already!

I told Dr. barry that I don’t really feel I’ve made any progress in the last year. Of course she disagreed! She said I have made plenty of progress! I told her I think Eileen would say the same, but that I don’t see it!

So then we talked a little about the progress I’ve made.

She said she feels I now know my limitations, and am able to balance things, and am able to know when I need to say no, step back, or when I have too much on, or people are asking too much of me!

Where as before I’d overextend myself, and then that would lead to a crisis, she feels now that I am much more aware, and am in crisis far less due to that!

She also said that I’ve been out of hospital almost a year now, and how that’s so positive!

She also said I have navigated times of very high stress, and huge triggers very well this past year! I guess that’s true, I sorta have!

I told her how I feel like I take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, and how that sorta frustrates me! She said that that’s the nature of healing! And I know she’s right!

She said she’s going to email or call Eileen soon. She hasn’t contacted her in a while now, and when we had that assessment last year they had planned to be in touch more regularly.

Im happy that she feels I am making progress! Just hearing her say that made me feel good!

Having her validation means a lot!

I know a lot can happen in a year. I guess, on thinking about it, I can see the huge progress I’ve made.

Just staying out of hospital for a whole year, now that’s positive!

I hope next year I will keep progressing! Eileen and I are going to fill out some paperwork for Remy when she comes back, he’s going to reassess things now, where their at, and make some more recommendations on where we should go from here.

Monday giving thanks!

Thankful to be alive!
Thankful for kind work colleagues
Thankful for my dog
Thankful for good food
A nice warm house!
A hot shower
Clean clothes!
Music and books
My friends!
My family!
Having hope!
Dr. barry!
My therapist eileen!
My health!

So much to be thankful for…


Busy afternoon

Its been a busy shift this afternoon on friendly call. I was the only volunteer heretoday trish is here, and one other volunteer came in for an hour. But other than that I was on my own! I had tons of calls! Lots to do! I am exhausted now. I am still in the office. I wont be finished up until around 5 PM. I cant wait to go home and get some food! I am starving. I have a lovely chicken curry for dinner today. I will enjoy it as I am really hungry. All of my clients were in good spirits today. It was really nice to see that. I was delighted that they were all doing so well. It made my day. I might have to come in again tomorrow. I don’t normally do Wednesdays but they are short staffed at the moment, so I said I’d help out if I was needed. I’m waiting for Brenda to email me back. I offered to come in if she needs an extra bit of help. Im free tomorrow afternoon anyway so it really doesn’t make a whole lot of difference to me if I have to come in. We’ll see though what Brenda says when she emails me. I’m tanked up on coffee now lol. I’ve had 3 cups this afternoon. I’m just happy the shift went off ok. I feel accomplished and very productive.

This is abuse

to shed a tear seems a crime
it happened before, not at this time
horrid, horrible, tragic
the abuse
never such a thing as calling a truce
i would beg, i would plead,
i would suffer, i would bleed
and at it’s end i’d be left alone
to make another
like a clone
Someone to carry on for me
to take the place where I couldn’t be