Its here, therapy day yay!

and its over! our therapy break is over yay! I am so glad!
We will see Eileen in less than 2 hours!
I am so excited!
It feels wonderful to be actually going to see her again!
I am looking forward to connecting and giving her a huge hug!
We’re going to bring the new book the kids got for christmas so she can read it to them.
They were supposed to do it before christmas but time ran away with us!
I am so, so happy our break is over!
Happy tuesday everyone!

Eileen and our check in!

So Eileen and us are on a therapy break. But we’re still able to email her and we’ve also been texting her. We texted her on Christmas day to wish her a merry Christmas, and she did of course text us back and wished us a nice day and told us to stay well. On Monday we had a bit of a phone check in, because some of the kids had been emailing her during the night on Sunday night. She was going grocery shopping, and on her way home she phoned us, we were napping when the call came in, but of course as soon as we heard our phone ring and saw it was Eileen, we rushed to pick up her call. We chatted for about 20 minutes. She told us all about the hour and 15 minutes she’d spent in a line at the grocery store, to try to calm us down, as we were very anxious and panicking. Hearing her tell us about her day was nice. And it did calm us right down! We talked about Christmas and what we were planning to do for it. We did an exercise where we contained our memories, and it worked until tonight when some memories started seeping through. I wish we’d been able to get the containment exercise to work for longer. We didn’t arrange another check in but I know if we need to we can just text Eileen and ask her for a check in, I’m sure she’d say yes to us. If we don’t talk again before the 7th that’s ok too. We can always text or email. I’m so happy about that. Being able to put our thoughts in an email, or text if we’re in crisis, means the world to all of us. It makes the break much more bearable. Much more manageable also.

Emily: Therapy time!

hihihihii everyone,
its me Emily. I had the whole of our therapy session this week. We had therapy yesterday. It was good, really good. We forgot our book so Eileen didnt read to us, but that was ok, we got busy discussing other things, and we can have her read it to us after the holidays.
I talked to her about the time I had to hold our system together for 4 months, and I had to pass as a grown up and all. It was a rough few months. We were going to college back then, it was back in 2007. Carol anne was down, so were most of te adults. Me and a few of the other kids and my own insiders were the only ones up back then so we had to run the show completely.
Eileen said after christmas we can try to process those memories, if I want to. I do want to, because now I cant trust the grown ups, I dont trust that they’ll be there and keep me safe. Eileen said its probably because I’ve had to act like a grown up forever. So even if I wanted to I wouldnt be able to let go of that role.
She gave me an example of a family where the mom isnt coping, the dad is drinking, and all the kids are just left to fend for themselves, she said if one of the kids was 12 like me, and they were doing adult stuff all of the time, helping out at home, helping their parents to cope and manage, that then they’d never be able to just do kids stuff, or to just be able to be a child. And she said thats how it is for me too.
So she had me make a deal with her, that over the christmas I’d start taking breaks from all of that responsibility that I feel I have. You see when carol anne or liz is out, I’m always watching, just in case anything goes wrong and I need to step in. Eileen made me promise that I’d start taking breaks, maybe an hour here and there where I am off duty. Where I can do stuff I like. So carol anne bought me the secret garden, and the little princess, I love those books and I want to read them. So thats what I will do when I have my time off. I will read.
It was a great session we had and eileen said we’ve done a lot of hard work this year. She said she hoped we can take a break from the work over christmas. She said she admires us and how committed we are to our healing. She wished us a lovely christmas and she said if we need her to text her or email her and we’ll have a few phone check ins too over the break. We dont see her in person again now until the 7th of January. But we’re ok with that. We can manage I think. Its good we’re able to reach her if we need to. I’m glad that she’s ok with us doing that.
Butterfly hugs,
Loves you,
Emily age 12

Therapys resuming on monday yay!

Eileen is home! She rang me this morning! She’s finally home! Yay! I am sooo thrilled!
We’re having a session on Monday at 10! I am delighted! Its so good to have her home!
She only got home at the end of this week! Things can go back to normal now yay!
Normal service can resume!
This good news has made my weekend! 😀
I am on cloud 9 to have her back home!


Therapy breaks suck so much

well its gone 1 AM and I am still up! I cant sleep! Story of my life, right? To be honest, I am feeling pretty unsettled tonight. I miss Eileen a lot. I wish I was able to talk to her. I’ve been playing the recordings she made for us. I feel pretty sad tonight. I am not really ok. I’m trying to be, but it isnt really working. Therapy breaks are so tough. the attachment pain is bad. I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel like nothing I do is sootheing me. I even took out the empty bottle of rose scent eileen gave us and started smelling it, thinking that would help, and it did a little bit, but I still feel awful.
Its just not a good night. I am struggling to cope. Struggling to be ok. Thank god there is less than a week of the therapy break left now!


#weekend coffee share!

Weekend Coffee Share is a time for us to take a break out of our lives and enjoy some time catching up with friends (old and new)!

Grab a cup of coffee and share with us! Whats been going on in your life? What are your weekend plans? Is there a topic youve just been ruminating on that you want to talk about?

All are welcome! Just add your link to the Linky-List, and be sure to visit others and join in their conversations! The link will be open from Friday, February 8th at 7am (Pacific Time) until Monday, February 11th at 7am (Pacific Time) to give us a good range of weekend!

well, if we were having coffee, first off, I would tell you that I’d have to drink tea instead, as there is no coffee, mom forgot to buy some! so tea it is!

I’d tell you that my sister got home safely from her holiday! She got home last night late, after midnight! She’s exhausted, but she’s coming over to mom and dads for dinner today and I cant wait to see her and the kids!

If we were drinking coffee together, I’d tell you that I had an amazing shower this morning. I felt so good after it! I got a sample of an exfoliator from the beauticians the other day, and I used it today. It is awesome! I love it! Its expensive though and if I want to purchase it after the sample runs out I’ll be paying 42 euro a pop for it!

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I am heading into the second week of my therapy break! And I am managing fine! I do miss eileen, but I am coping. I am so proud of myself for coping with the break so well! It feels amazing to be able to say I am coping! I do hope Eileens holiday is going well for her! I bet she’s really enjoying it!

If we were drinking some coffee today, I’d tell you that I started a new book! I started reading a stolen life, by Jaycee dugart. I am on chapter 3 of it and its good so far! I would recommend it! I think what Jaycee went through is awful and so heartbreaking! She is so courageous and brave to write her story! For those who dont know of this case, Jaycee was kidnapped when she was 11 and spent 18 years in captivity before she was found!

If we were having coffee, I’d also tell you that I am planning on asking my sister if she’ll drive to a local petting farm next saturday. I really want to visit the farm and you have to drive there so I am hoping she’ll say yes and take me to see it! I love petting all the animals!

Well thats it for this weekend coffee share! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!


I just miss eileen so much

its me allie. im really missing eileen a lot tonight.
i been listening to her reading to us. i love hearing her read to us.
when she gets home from her holiday i’m going to ask her if we can read a couple more books together, and record us doing that.
it feels nice to be able to listen to them and have them. it makes me feel safe. and it makes me feel happy and i like that.
i dont actually think eileen has left yet for her holiday, so i might email her to tell her i love listening to the books she reads for us.
elane emailed her the other day to ask her when she’s leaving, but she didnt reply to it. maybe she’s too busy packing.
i might also tell her we’re going to the beach at the weekend with mom. she told us to make plans, and we’re trying to do that.
allie, 9