A thank you to Eileen…

Eileen

Thank you for always being there for me. For helping me to find the words when I cant.

For sitting with me, validating me, for understanding where I am coming from.

Thanks for your love, support and most of all your kindness and understanding about why I do what I do. It means so much to me.

You’ve shown me over and over that your gonna be there for me, no questions asked. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have you in my life.

Thank you for making me feel safe, and understood, and for giving me a safe space to explore and discover things about myself that are hard to talk about.

I am so grateful to have that. You make me feel so good about myself, that I actually want to do the work, therapy isnt so bad, after all!

Thanks again, I love you and I hope to continue to explore my past with you, and my present, to figure out some more things about myself.

Wendy, age 23

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#whatif prompt 1st october

Today’s prompt:

Power of a hug

Feel free to respond in your favorite way whether it be a poem, short story, photo, video . . however you best relate to the prompt. Simply post your ideas, create a ping-back and use the hashtag #whatif.

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This is Emily. Im sitting enjoying a nice cup of tea. I wanted to write on todays prompt, the power of a hug.

Hugs are so nice. I like them a lot. Carol anne gives good hugs. Her hugs feel all warm and safe. Our therapist Eileen also gives good hugs. I dont let too many people hug me, but I do like when eileen or Carol anne gives me a hug.

Hugs are so healing. I think the power of a hug, now thats something very special.

https://whatifweallcared.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/whatif-prompt-for-10-1-18/

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THERAPY PHONE CHECK IN

ITS LIZ. I EMAILED EILEEN THIS MORNING. I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT EMILY. I AM AFRAID FOR HER AFRAID SHE WILL TRY SOMETHING. SHE CAN BE QUITE IMPULSIVE. SO I EMAILED AND I ASKED EILEEN IF WE CAN HAVE A PHONE CHECK IN SOME TIME THIS WEEK IF THAT WAS OK WITH HER.

SHE JUST TEXTED ME A FEW MINUTES AGO TO SAY SHE’S AVAILABLE TONIGHT AT 6:30 IF I WANTED TO CALL HER THEN. SO WE’LL HAVE A CHECK IN CALL THEN WITH HER. HOPING THAT WILL HELP US.

I LOVE HOW SHE ALWAYS COMES THROUGH FOR US. SHE’S JUST AN AMAZING THERAPIST AND WE’RE SO SO LUCKY TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE HER WHO MAKES TIME FOR US IN BETWEEN SESSIONS WHEN WE ARE STRUGGLING. THAT FACT DOES NOT GO UNNOTICED BY US.

SO I AM HOPEFUL THAT THE CHECK IN TONIGHT WILL DO SOME GOOD. ALONG WITH OUR EMAILS. OF WHICH THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT ALREADY. EILEENS OK WITH THAT THOUGH. SHE HAS SAID WE CAN EMAIL HER AS MUCH AS WE NEED TO. SHE KNOWS IT IS SOME INSIDERS ONLY WAY OF EXPRESSING HOW THEY FEEL.

LIZ

Therapy session. Ash talks

hi, im ash, im 18 years old.

im feeling very tired. i had most of our therapy session today. it was good, good but very draining.

we talked a lot about emily and emilys system. for those of you who dont know me I am one of emilys insiders, I am a dark.

I did something that I probably shouldnt have done over the weekend. I responded to an email from a past abuser. I did it for one reason and one reason only. I did it to protect Emily.

She would have hurt herself. She would have tried to commit suicide. She is very suicidal right now, and when the email came in from a past abuser over the weekend it had instructions in it for us to do something bad to the body.

I couldnt let that happen. I couldnt let emily self destruct. I just couldnt. So I pretended I was going to follow through with the instructions. I responded pretending to be Emily, the email was directed at her you see.

I pretended to be her and I managed to get them to quit bugging us. They think we’re probably going to off ourselves. Obviously we’re not though.

So I was only trying to do good. I talked to Eileen about it today. She completely got it. She completely got why I did what I did.

I am glad she wasnt mad that I responded. She said it made total sense to her why I’d do that. Why I’d respond to them. I was protecting emily from harming us.

Now I have to watch Emily closely and make sure she doesnt act on suicidal urges this week. She did make an agreement with eileen that she wouldnt. She also doesnt want to disappoint eileen so that helps that she’s wanting to do it so as not to make eileen feel disappointed in us. Eileen said she wasnt disappointed in us though.

I’m glad. Eileen matters to me. It matters to me that we are here and that we stay alive. So I will do everything in my power to keep us alive if I can!

Ash

Im Jaylee and I am 9

im jaylee and im 9. i am one of emilys insiders. me and eileen talked a lot today. i like her. shes so nice.

i told her i am testing her to see if i can trust her. thats not hard though. she makes it easy to feel like you can trust her which is cool.

we talked about the bad guys. about how they made me feel so worthless. about how i hate myself because they made me feel so bad about myself. and about how awful i felt for doing things like hurting other kids.

eileen said i didnt have a choice, the badguys didnt give me a choice. they made me do it and to survive i had to do it. i didnt want to, but i had to if i wanted to live.

she said every time she hears about stuff that happened to us she cares even more about us than she did before. she said her heart feels soft towards us there is a softening in her heart. i didnt ever hear someone say something like that before.

she told me too that all kids are born with a little nugget of gold inside of them. and we worked a little with the pulsers to see if i could notice where mine was. she said its a nugget of gold and it represents the good inside of you.

she said those pulsers are magic. i ask her why and she said its magic cuz they make you feel good. they help you to feel better. and it is true. they did help me and i did feel good after we worked with them.

when we was recognising the nugget of gold she ask me what does it look like. what shape is it. i told her its like a rectangle, and inside of it there is sparkles, sprinkly fairy dust like pixie dust. she said thats really good and a very good description of it.

i had a nice time talking to her. it was a lot of work and we did hard work but it wasnt all hard. we had fun too. and i loved talking to her. and i know i can trust her now. i know she is trustworthy. and i felt safe too which is good.
jaylee age 9

Butterfly hugs

hi everyone
its me Emily. we had therapy this morning. I came out and talked a lot during our session. and Eileen teached me something. its an EMDR exercise. you see, I always sign my emails butterfly hugs, loves you, actually I sign everything I write in that way. its my trademark ha ha. so Eileen ask me if i’d like to learn something that I can use to calm myself. I said I would. so we learned all about the butterfly hug and you can give yourself a butterfly hug any time. its where you make the shape of a butterfly with your hands, and then you put your hands on your shoulders, well near them, not actually on them. and you tap with first one hand then the other, you do it as if you were using th e pulsers, except there is no vibrating. just tapping. and you tap and bring up feelings as you do it. so Eileen was asking me how I felt being there in her office. I was telling her I was feeling really safe, and glad to be there, glad to be with her. I told her I feel all warm inside, she asked me where, in what part of my body I felt it. I told her my chest and tummy areas mostly. so she had me bring those good feelings up as I tapped on my shoulders with my hands. and it calmed me, it really worked. I felt so so calm. it was like magic! I was so glad I learned it. and Eileen said isn’t it cool how I always sign my emails butterfly hugs and then there really is such a thing in EMDR. I think that’s so cool too. I never even knew that before I started signing that. The rest of the time we talked about my system. And my insiders. And about our week. It was nice. And I just felt really calm during all that. It felt so good. Im glad I talked today. I had a good time and the time went by way too quickly. We brought in our photo album of our trip to Disneyworld in florida with our partner Jess. That was back in 2008, we also went in 2009, but this photo album was from 2008. We didn’t have time to actually go through all of the photos so I left it with Eileen until next week, we are going to spend some time going through it then. I wanted Eileen to see how happy we were in Disneyworld, its a safe place for us, we always bring up images of that when we do visualisation. Its just somewhere where we felt peaceful and safe. I really enjoyed our session today. Some of my insiders did some work too today but I’ll let them write their own posts if they want to do that.
Butterfly hugs,
Loves you,
Emily, age 12

Poem

Sitting together
Side by side
She listens, she validates
I cry, and shake
I get sucked in to memories
She brings me back
Every so gently
She holds my hand
Rubs my shoulder
Gently she tells me
I am ok
I am strong
I can do this
I take in her words
I try to believe her
Sometimes I cant
I want to, though
I really, really want to believe her words
She is my safety
My security
My world
In her I fully trust
She makes my bad days good
And allows me to feel all of my feelings
Without telling me
You cant feel this or that
You shouldn’t
I am so thankful
To have found such an incredible therapist
In eileen