Eileen just texted. She got my email and wanted to check to see that I am ok after what Sirena did. At 10:30 at night. She is so awesome. I love her.
Thanks, Eileen. Youre the best!
If thats not going above and beyond I dont know what is!
it is allie. eileen makes me so happy. i love her gentle voice. i love her calming presence. i love her for a lot of reasons. today we forgot to bring our new book. lexi emailed her earlier to tell her. i know liz needed to talk today so we wouldnt have gotten a chance to read the book even if we’d brought it. its ok. we can read it maybe next week. i think it will be a good book, its called wherever you are, my love will find you. that is what i think about eileen. even when we’re apart, i know she loves me. i know she’s thinking of me. i know because shes told me before. she says she thinks about us during the week. she has told me that when certain things happen in her life, she thinks about us. thats so special. it makes me feel so good. i love her so much. i dont care if its wrong to love a therapist, i just do and i dont care if i shouldnt. she is like a mom to me and that is why i call her my heart mom. she is my safety. she teaches me things. she has taught me lots. she never lets me down. she always tells the truth. i love her for that. i dont like being lied to and she never ever lies to me. right now i feel so lucky that she came into our lives. i feel like hugging carol anne and saying thanks carol anne for searching for as long as you did and finding us such a great therapist. it is the best thing that could have happened to us.
allie, age 9
TODAY I HAD A TERRIBLY HARD THERAPY SESSION. I WAS SO SCARED AND ANXIOUS. LUCKILY EILEEN WAS GREAT. SHE WAS ABLE TO REASSURE ME. I TOLD HER I WAS ANXIOUS BECAUSE I COULDNT FIND MY WORDS TO EXPLAIN WHAT WAS GOING ON FOR ME. “BUT YOU DONT NEED TO FIND WORDS, LIZ” “I’M TOTALLY COOL WITH JUST HANGING OUT WITH FEELINGS” “WE CAN JUST HANG OUT HERE WITH THEM AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS” I TOLD HER I DID NOT KNOW WHERE OUR SESSION WAS HEADING. “THOSE ARE THE BEST KIND OF SESSIONS, LIZ” SHE SAID GENTLY. “SOME PEOPLE COME TO THERAPY WITH EVERYTHING REHEARSED, BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE THATS SAFER” “YOU HAVENT DONE THAT” “SO IT WILL BE MORE AUTHENTIC” SO WE JUST WENT WITH IT. I JUST LET WHAT HAPPENED HAPPEN. AND IT WAS OK. I USED THE PULSERS. EMDR IS SO HARD! I DID SO MUCH WORK TODAY AND I SURPRISED MYSELF. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW I COULD DO THAT. WE TRACKED SOME OF MY FEELINGS, LIKE FEAR, ANGER, WORRY, SADNESS. WE TRACKED THEM IN MY BODY. THAT PART WAS SUPER HARD. I NEVER REALLY DID THAT BEFORE SO WASNT USED TO IT. EILEEN GUIDED ME. SHE WALKED ME THROUGH HOLDING THE AREAS WHERE THE ANXIETY WAS STRONGEST AND WHERE I FELT IT MOST. THEN WE TALKED ABOUT DISCONNECTION AND HOW MY BODY DIDNT FEEL LIKE MINE. EILEEN SAID SHE WASNT SURPRISED BECAUSE THE PART OF MY BRAIN THAT IS HOLDING THE BODILY SENSATIONS IS THE PART THATS ACTIVATED NOW. WE TALKED ABOUT TRAUMATIC MEMORIES AND HOW THE BRAIN STORES THEM. I LOVE IT WHEN SHE TELLS US STUFF ABOUT TRAUMA. ITS SO USEFUL. I HAD ALMOST THE ENTIRE SESSION. I WAS DRAINED BY THE END OF IT. SHE SAID I DID GREAT THOUGH AND SHE OFFERED THAT IF I NEED TO DURING THE WEEK I CAN EMAIL OR CALL HER AND SHE’D TALK TO US. SHE TOLD ME TO MAKE SURE I TOLD EVERYONE IN THE SYSTEM THAT. PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY EMAILED HER TONIGHT. INCLUDING ME. I CAME HOME AFTER THERAPY AND WENT RIGHT TO BED AND TO SLEEP FOR ABOUT 5 HOURS. I NEEDED IT. I WAS TOTALLY SHATTERED. THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS AFTER A HARD SESSION THOUGH. WE WILL SLEEP A LOT. IM HAPPY I WENT TODAY. I THINK IT DID ME GOOD TO TALK.
yes. thats right. its monday. and another sunny day here. yay.
i got around 4 hours of sleep. i finally went to bed at 3 AM. woke at 6:20. got up then. made coffee. drank two cups, now on my 3rd.
got dressed, called my mom. will leave to go to therapy in an hour. its nice to see sun outside. makes me happy.
therapy today will be productive. we will probably spend some time talking with some of the darks. and maybe i’ll also have a little bit of the session. who knows.
looking forward then to coming home, and reading my book. laying in bed wrapped up warm reading. sounds like a plan to me.
the kids want to bring their mew book they got so that eileen can read it to them. i told them we might wait until next week when there is less to talk about in therapy. they werent pleased. but they said ok. it will be something to look forward to.
the book came. it came it came it came!
im sooo hapy!
it is great.ar mom looked at it. she said the pictures in it were cool.
i cant wait to bring it in to eileen on monday.
im going to make a recordin of her readin it to us.
that will be neat. it will be the third book shes read to us and that we’ve recorded her reading it.
im hapy hapy this morning. its a sunny day and the book came and it make me real happy.
hi. its me saffire. so yesterday i had another therapy session. well i didnt have all of our session but i had a lot of it. we talked about me not finding words. and eileen said she could completely get it. that i couldnt talk if i never talked to anyone in years. and if i was struggling to talk that it was ok. she understood. she told me to take my time. and go slow. so thats what i did. and i felt a lot better then about talking to her. she asked me some questions about the darks. and about us losing time. cuz we’ve been losing a lot of time lately. its hard to lose time. things happen when there is time loss. people come out and do things. and we arent aware of it until after the fact. its a very disconcerting thing. it also makes life really difficult. there is only one person in our whole system who doesnt lose time, and thats jade. jade always knows what is going on. which is good i suppose. but anyway. eileen asked me if i’d experienced any good things this past week. and i was able to tell her that liz and me had a lot of fun at the family bbq last sunday. and when we went to the beach on monday with our mom i came out and got to experience some of that too. it was nice. i really enjoyed it and had so much fun. eileen said that was good. she encouraged me to build on that. to keep working on being in the present and experiencing new things. i said i would try. i want to try. i want to not be stuck in the past. that isnt any fun. she said we’d pull back from working on trauma stuff for now. and work on managing feelings and emotions so that the darks wouldnt have to keep shoving things down and coming out at inappropriate times. they were spooked, a lot of the darks were. they were afraid and insecure and very scared of talking in therapy. eileen told us not to worry. she said she respects each person and where they’re at. and she has no hidden agenda. and she will wait for them to be ready to talk to her. that feels good. im glad i talked to her. it felt safe. she makes things feel very contained. very safe.
hi its allie. how is everyone?
i want to get a new book for eileen to read to us. im not sure which one i want to get though.
i just know i want her to read more books to us. i like it when she reads us stories.
it feels nice. i love the way she reads. i feel safe when i listen to her voice.
its soft. calming. gentle. i just love it.
anyone got any good suggestions for a kids book for her to read to us?