Poetry

thoughts whirling around in my head
as I sit
drinking my steaming hot cup of coffee
thinking too much
afraid of my mind
what it holds
frightened of where the thoughts are going
breathe in deep
slow things down
as my therapist would say
be in the moment
but oh boy
I am too scared
so back into the past I slip
as my head dips
tears fall
I call out
someone, anyone please take these feelings away
for today though
they stay
so I slap on a smile
pat my dog
stand up tall
be brave and off I go
to visit a friend
hoping against hope
that today I can make it

Slept all day!

Yes! I did I slept the entire day away!
Baaaad me!
But well, I am not really bothered. I needed the rest.
Sometimes you just do, right? Well for me I felt exhausted so I did need to just sleep, and sleep I did today.
I only woke up to eat breakfast, and dinner, now though, I’m wide awake. But I only have to go volunteering in the afternoon tomorrow, so it doesnt really matter if I stay up half the night.
And more importantly, I feel very rested, which is nice.
Have you ever slept an entire day away?
And did it help you if you did?

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SoCs-Tea!

Lindas SocS prompt for this week is “t, tea, tee”
And heres my take on it…

A cup of tea, its the bees knees. Always makes me feel good. I sware by it. I am always in a better mood if I make myself a cuppa. If I have a problem? I make a cup of tea. If someone else has a problem? I give them tea. If I am sad, I make tea. If I am thirsty, I drink tea. Yes, I drink a lot of the stuff. Probably too much. But I love it!
Do you drink tea? What type is your favourite?
Mine is english breakfast tea! And I do like apple cinamon and pumpkin spice and berry tea too though!
http://lindaghill.com/2018/07/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-28-18/

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#whatif prompt 6-21-2018

Todays #whatif prompt over at what if we all care is…deep into the woods.

Since today is the summer solstace and a very hard day for us due to us being ritual abuse survivors, I thought we could write a poem encorporating the prompt.

deep into the woods we go
what will happen we just dont know
anything is likely
horror, terror
things you’d never endure
they’d shock you
bring you to your knees
abuse, torture, awful awful memories
child porn, rape and sexual abuse
all part of rituals
that we had to take part in
even though we were just kids
no choice
never given a choice
it was just do it now
or you’ll end up dead
scared shitless
we’d participate
and on this date
every year
we are always so terrified
and very scared

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THE MEETING WITH MARY

SO OUR MEETING WITH MARY WENT WELL.

SHE WAS NICE. I GOT ALONG JUST FINE WITH HER.

SHE RANG THE PLACE THAT IS SUPPLYING THE FUNDING. WE HAD A LONG TALK TO THEM. SHE PUT THE PHONE ON LOUD SPEAKER. AND WE WERE ABLE TO GET ALL THE INFO WE NEEDED TO PROCEED WITH THE APPLICATION.

THEY ARE TRYING TO SAY I ALREADY GOT 10 THOUSAND EUROS FROM THEM. FOR WHAT I AM NOT SURE. I KNOW I GOT MONEY FOR TAXI’S TO TAKE ME TO MEDICAL APTS. I ALSO GOT A CCTV UNIT FOR MY HOUSE. OTHER THAN THAT I DID NOT GET ANYTHING ELSE. TO MY KNOWLEDGE THAT COMES TO 5000 EURO. THE CAP IS 15 THOUSAND.

THE GUY ON THE PHONE SAID TO PUT QUOTATIONS IN AND ONCE MY NAME COMES UP AN ADVISOR WILL BE ASSIGNED TO ME. THEN THEY’LL EITHER APPROVE OR DENY MY APPLICATION.

I WANTED TO TALK TO MARY ABOUT APPLYING FOR MORE PA HOURS BUT WE DIDNT HAVE TIME AS THE CALL TO THE FUNDING PLACE WENT ON FOR AGES. SO I’LL HAVE TO RING HER IN A WEEK OR TWO AND MAKE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT TO MEET HER AGAIN TO GO THROUGH THAT.

SHE WAS REALLY NICE THOUGH. SHE PUT US AT EASY REALLY QUICKLY. SHE WAS CHATTY AND VERY FRIENDLY. I LIKED THE WAY SHE TRIED TO CHAT TO US TO PUT US AT EASE.

SHE CALLED US CAROL ANNE TOO WHICH WAS NICE. AND WHEN WE CALLED THE FUNDING PLACE WE TOLD HER WE’D HAVE TO GO BY OUR BIRTH WITH THEM NAME AND SHE WAS OK WITH THAT AS WELL.

OVERALL IT WAS A GOOD MEETING. I NEEDNT HAVE BEEN WORRIED. NO SHE’S NOT KAREN, BUT I THINK I CAN LEARN TO LIKE HER.
LIZ

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appointment with my new social worker

today i called our social worker and i made an appointment with her for next friday at 11:30. her name is mary. im needing help with a couple of things. mainly i need help applying for more pa hours. i also need help with applying for a funeral grant from a local organisation who give funding to abuse survivors, i know im still young but this grant is to pay for funeral expenses so that if anything happens and you died unexpectedly your family wouldnt be left with the bill. i’m entitled to it so i might as well apply for the funding. i also want her to help me apply for funding so that i can get my back yard slabbed. mom has COPD and she wont be able to continue cutting the grass, so i will need the slabbing done, otherwise someone will have to come in and cut my grass and i will have to pay them to do it, so in th e long run its better. i’m in a bit of a rush to apply for this stuff, because the cut off date is august. after that there wont be any more funding available. so hopefully she can help me out. i miss my old social worker karen still. but i guess i have to give mary a chance to prove herself. its just karen was so competent and awesome at her job. i miss her tons. im sure mary will be nice too though. we’ll see. all i can do is try and see how things go.
carol anne

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