it went really well. i got there an hour early and dr. barry saw me soon after i got there. i was so glad about that because it meant no waiting around. the clinic was packed so i was very surprised to get to see her so quickly. when we went in i told her it was winter solstace. she said she forgot about it being that date. she asked me how i was doing. i told her i felt really disconnected from my body, and really dissociative. spacy and kind of not there, not present in my body. she asked me how i was dealing with the dissociative feelings. i told her i’d gotten up and had a shower, let the water fall on me because i find that really healing and when i am triggered it really grounds me to get in the shower. i told her i had reached out to my online friends both on my email list and on my blog. i also told her i had face timed my friend sarah last night during the night. i was telling her i didnt get much sleep. that i slept from 2 AM till around 6:30 AM. but my sleep was plagued with bad dreams. nightmares of past memories around the ritual abuse. and today i have had reminance of the dreams lingering. i hate it. we talked about meds and i told her the ap i am using dosecast is working great. i’ve consistently taken my meds properly for a whole week. she was really pleased with that and said that taking the meds consistently might be really helpful. we talked about the phone consult I’d had with mark. mostly that conversation centred around work and me working part time. i said i didnt know how realistic that was with my diagnosis. dr. barry encouraged me to maybe get short term contact work. like 3 month contracts. she said that might be better than committing to a longterm job, just in case i need to be hospitalised or something and then I’d have to leave very suddenly. she has a point. we talked a little bit about the hospital and whether i’d have to go in in the new year. she didnt say i would, but she didnt say i wouldnt either. i said it was on my mind and i was hoping i didnt have to go in. but i will leave it up to dr. barry to know when that is warranted. she encouraged me to go to the basement club tomorrow, just to keep a routine going. i said i’d think about it but to be honest i dont think I will. I need a day at home to just chill and let insiders come out to do things around our house, its safe for them to come out at home. we gave dr barry a card for christmas, she loved it. she is referring us to the weekend team again this weekend. we’ll get a call on Saturday, then none on Sunday or Monday, and then on Tuesday we’ll have a call. Then we will see dr. barry on wednesday. i think its good to have the check ins with the weekend team. i find them helpful. i just hope we can get through christmas ok and safely.