afraid to get well

i’ve talked about this before but i need to talk about it some more. in therapy lately we’ve been discussing stability and becoming well. i find that every time we start to level off, become stable, we panick. then something happens, we slide, go downhill again. i think it is because we are afraid of losing our support. we are afraid of losing dr. barry and eileen. so we think we need to stay a certain way in order to keep them. its sad really. we are trying hard to overcome this. eileen tells us that recovery is not linear. and i try to believe her. i am just so used to people leaving, going away, its all i know. i’m not used to people sticking around. seeing us through. hoping this gets easier in time. and that it will feel less scary. right now it feels very very scary.