Please Share: Suicide Awareness on Blogging Sites

 

Becky shares this post about another bloggers struggle with suicidal ideation, she also shares some resources on suicide, please reshare it, and if your struggling, you are not alone! We’re all here and we all here on wordpress we care! You can always email me if you ever want to talk, I’ve been there too! My email is below!

irishandblind1980@gmail.com

 

Hugs

via Please Share: Suicide Awareness on Blogging Sites

God I hate this…

I’m sitting here bawling. I cant stop crying. I hate memories. I hate them with a passion. I don’t want to remember! I want to just quit! I cant take it! The memories came tonight out of the blue! I just started having awful flashbacks, its so horrible. I am literally sitting here in a panic. I’m so miserable. I feel so defeated. I wish for an end to all this pain. Someone shoot me! Someone make this stop! I feel so absolutely horrible! I’m shaking like a leaf. I cant seem to stop. I’ve buried my head in nitros soft fur. And right now I just want to die. I want to stop to quit to not live I want an end to the misery and pain. I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate my life, I know that sounds dramatic but this is shit. Remembering the past, its shit. I hate it. I know tomorrow I’ll probably feel differently but for right now this bloody sucks. If anyones around I can really use a friend.

Loaded question

Do you agree with assisted suicide?

This was one of the topics in my lecture today this morning. There was a debate about it. I’m wondering why people think. I don’t know what I think to be honest whether I agree or not. I’m kind of on the fence about it. In a way I do but in a way I don’t. What do you think? Do you agree or disagree with this?

College stuff

So I’ve been checking and checking my email. No results though. Nothings out yet.

We got an email from our tutor today. She said our journal of learning doesnt have to be handed in until May 22nd. That gives us an extra week after we finish up for the summer, we finish up on May 15th. So we have an extra week to get it done and handed in. Thank god! I havent even started mine! It has to be 1800 words in length. And we have to do 3 entries, with 3 different themes running through them.

Only 2 weeks to go to the end of the first term! I cant wait! I’m ready for it to be done! Tomorrow morning we have a speaker, a guest speaker. They’re going to talk to us about suicide.

I wasnt going to go in to class at all tomorrow, as I wasnt feeling great physically tonight. I feel all foggy and my head feels fuzzy, as if I am getting a head cold or something.

In the end I said I’d go in. I might as well. The talk might be interesting.

This weekend I have to try to make a start on my journal of learning. And I also have to do my part of our group work project, we’re doing a poster presentation, I have all of the information I need, I just need to write up what I am putting in to my part of it.

Heres hoping I can get it all done! I’m not looking forward to it at all!

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3 things challenge 10th February 2019

Todays prompts are: dominoes, bones, death
******
Falling, falling
Like dominos all in a row
My emotions, they scatter
To and fro
My head spins
Mind whirls
Bones creak
As I seek
To try to understand
Why?
Why my feelings are so intense
I cant though
Never know
Never seeing
Why death feels so close
And why?
Its an option
For me…
Always an option
Something I’m thinking about
As my facial bones ache
From pasting on that smile
And trying to face
The world one more day
Trying to go on
Trying to cope
With the emotional turmoil I live with
On a daily basis

https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2019/02/10/three-things-challenge-41/

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Parts are triggered

feeling kinda suicidal right now. trying, trying hard to not go there. but the past is being triggered, i am feeling desperate, I feel so alone, right now. So so alone. I just want an end to this triggering, I feel young parts gathering around, being sucked into the past, feeling so triggered, so emotional, they are so vulnerable, they are crying, crying so hard right now.
Its a hard place to be in. I dont know what to do for them. I wish I knew. I feel so sad for them. I want to care for them and look after them but I am unable to right now. I am unable to give them what they desperately crave, which is love, validation, belonging, I tried to give a few of them a hug, but even that isnt coming to easily at the moment.
I guess I’ll keep trying. I feel so low right now. I feel so depressed. My mood is dark, I am in a dark place, I feel like just ending it. Survival is not all that its cracked up to be.
I just want to feel better. Right now that seems like wishful thinking. I think I’ll go take a shower and let the water pour down on me. Feel the water, and breathe, and maybe put on some nice smelling lotion, and maybe then I’ll feel better. I hope so.

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