mom and me had an awesome day together. it was so nice to spend time on my own with my mom, just me and her. We talked a lot. About all sorts of things. We laughed a lot too.
we left moms house at about 11:45 AM. We took a bus to the lake. The cemetery where my gramma and grandad are buried is nearby so when we got off the bus we first stopped off at a store and bought some flowers. We each bought some lillies to put on their grave. Then we walked the short distance to the cemetery.
We spent a couple of minutes at the graveside. We both put our flowers down, and said prayers. Then we walked about a 10 min walk to the lake.
before we got to the lake we stopped off at another store, and we bought some lottery tickets for tonight, so you never know, I might be a winner, lol, if I am I’ll be booking another vacation!
I also bought some fruit salad, strawberries, and water. We then went and sat down and ate our lunch, mom had made us sandwiches and we had the fruit salad, and strawberries I’d brought. The strawberries were delicious. There was pineapple, melon, apple and grapes in the fruit salad. After we ate we just sat for a while, listening to, and looking at the ducks and swans that frequent the lake.
Then we decided we’d go for a walk around the lake. Its a mile long. It takes about 15 minutes to go around it. My foot started hurting because I was wearing the wrong type of shoes for walking. I managed to walk though but now my foot is all skint. Anyway it was a lovely walk. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Then I asked mom if she’d like a drink in the bar. She said she would so we went in. I bought her a drink and I had some tea. We decided it was too warm to sit inside, so we sat out in the beer garden. It was then that we did most of our talking. The main thing we talked about was my mental health. Mom said she felt I was doing well, and did dr. barry think so. I said I thought she did. She said she was pleased that I was doing better, she knows I’m currently off meds, she asked me if I was going to go back on them. I said I wasnt sure but probably I am going to ask dr. barry if she’ll take me off of some of them. I want to continue to lose weight, and I know if I do go back on the lyrica and depokate I wont lose any weight. Mom agreed with me. Now I have to convince dr. barry. I told mom I still feel bad on most days, but I have ways of coping with it. And I didnt think meds are helping me. She said that was good that I was able to cope, and whatever I am doing it must be working for me.
She told me that if I ever feel suicidal and need to come stay with her, that her door is always open for me. That if I feel bad I shouldnt wait, I should just ring her and tell her I need to stay with her for a few days. I thought that was sweet of her. It felt like she really understood me. She really got it and what she didnt get she was still really trying to understand.
I feel we really turned a corner today. Talking to her really helped. I feel it has cemented our relationship sorta. Made our bond that much stronger.
I told her I’d been thinking a lot lately. About having tried so many times to kill myself, and how I’d survived that every time. And then about 5 years ago I got cysts on my ovaries, and it could have been cancer, but it turned out not to be, I survived, yet again. I said I felt so lucky. Lucky that I was given not one but numerous chances, and I felt like there must be a reason for me being here still.
She agreed with me, she said me and my sister, there is only the two of us, we only each have each other. That when I feel bad I should think of Laura, and did I want to do that to her, and effect her life in that way, that I’d be remembered as her sister who killed herself.
No, thank you, I do not want to be remembered like that.
So yeah a long an heart felt talk we had. And I am so glad we did.
After our drinks we got the bus home, the bus was so hot, there was no air or it seemed like it, it was really humid on the bus. I was glad to get off of it. We got back to moms and we ate some cheese toasties, then my aunt rang, she said she’d call to my mom later for drinks with mom, so I’ll sit with them and we’ll all chat, so it will be a nice relaxed saturday evening.