HARD NIGHT

I AM SO AFRAID. AFRAID TO SLEEP. AFRAID OF HAVING NIGHTMARES. TONIGHT IS A BAD NIGHT. SOME OF YOU MIGHT KNOW WE ARE SRA SURVIVORS, RITUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS. WELL THERE IS AN ECLIPSE, AND A BAD DATE TODAY TOO FOR RITUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS. LOTS OF CHAOS INSIDE. LOTS OF SCREAMING AND CRYING. LOTS OF FEAR. LOTS OF OVERWHELM. EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD. ITS JUST SO HARD. I WANT TO CUT SO BAD RIGHT NOW. I JUST FEEL LIKE GOING IN THE BATHROOM AND BREAKING THE MIRROR AND CUTTING.
LIZ

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ANGRY

I HATE LIFE. I HATE MY ABUSERS. I HATE EVERYTHING. I WANT TO GIVE UP. I’M SO PISSED. I WANT TO BREAK EVERYTHING IN THIS DAMN ROOM. FUCKING ABUSERS THEY ARE SCUM. CONSTANTLY HARASSING US. GETTING US ALL RILED UP. HARD NOT TO GET RILED UP. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE. I REALLY REALLY DO. I AM DONE. I AM SO FUCKING DONE. BEAT DOWN AND DONE. LIFE SUCKS. MY LIFE IS PATHETIC. I AM A FAILURE. I COULDNT EVEN SUCCEED AT ENDING IT.
PIXIE AGE 21

ED THOUGHTS

i hate myself. i feel so fat. fat and disgusting. i want to vomit. i cant help it i just feel so gross. it will get all the badness out of me if i do it. i am black on the inside. why did carol anne let erika eat those cookies earlier? i wish she hadnt. im just obsessing over the amount of calories in them.
emily age 12

Can’t do this

I feel sick, like I want to throw up, I feel so overwhelmed, I just can’t do this. I just can’t. Really wishing I had someone who could sit with me. It’s so hard. The memories are awful. I’m having a lot of flashbacks and just can’t cope.

Wendy

oooooo

fuck fuck fuck

my thoughts are racing. oh fuck. its baaad

i cant cope this these thoughts. just feel overwhelmed and sad.

oh gawd, why is it always at night?

why? i just want to sleep. but every time I try

The tears fall

Pain, raw pain

It threatens to overtake me

Think I should go sit with nitro, feel his soft fur against my cheek

now thats the best idea I’ve had all night

carol anne

DESPERATE

I AM FEELING LIKE CUTTING. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. THE URGES ARE SO STRONG. I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO MUSIC, I WAS LISTENING TO RAP AND HIP HOP, THAT IS THE SORT OF MUSIC I LIKE. I LIKE EMINEM AND 50 CENT AND KANYE WEST AND ARTISTS LIKE THAT. THE MORE FUCKS IN THE SONG THE BETTER, LOL. I FEEL A LITTLE DESPERATE, ITS AFTER 1 AM AND I’M ALONE AND HAVING A HARD TIME. IF ANYONES OUT THERE I COULD USE A FRIEND.
LIZ

DONE, SO DONE

I’M JUST DONE FUCK LIFE FUCK EVERYTHING I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY MIND I HATE MY THOUGHTS I JUST…I JUST HATE IT ALL…HELP, SOMEONE PLEASE KILL ME BEFORE I KILL MYSELF…
CANNOT DO THIS CANT JUST CANT. DO IT ANY MORE.
WENDY