Its Misty. I am feeling very emotional. I am really triggered!
I feel so depressed. My thoughts are dark and I feel suicidal!
I texted Eileen and am waiting for her to respond! I feel like I need her. I need her calm voice to reassure me we can make it through this hard time!
We are also at our parents house now. We had to come here since we felt unsafe. We felt like hurting ourselves. We’ve made an agreement with Eileen that we wont do anything to harm ourselves. So this was the next best thing for us to do!
Everything just feels so awful! I dont know what to do!
My mood is so so low! I just feel like I shouldnt be here. I shouldnt exist. I know its what my abusers told me. I feel so lost! So lost and alone!
I hope eileen texts me soon, cuz I am not ok!
Misty age 15
This week I again participate in Beckys working on us prompt.
This weeks topic is passive suicidal ideation. For anyone, the difference between passive and suicidal ideation is essentially I wish I was dead (passive) vs. I want to kill myself (active).
Write a narrative about yourself and/or someone you know that is believed to think Passive Suicidal Ideation
I have suffered from this. I still do. I go from passive, to active, and then back to passive. I think its like that for a lot of people actually. For me the passive part of it is the scary part. When your in active SI you have the energy to do something, to actually go through with it. When your passively thinking about it, it seems to be far worse. At least, thats how it is for me anyway. Wishing I was dead, wishing I didnt exist, wishing I wasnt around any more, that feels awful and scary to me. even though at the time I am wishing it and thinking it, I dont seem to really care one way or another.
I am glad I havent had any SI thoughts in a while. Not bad ones. I’ve had fleating thoughts every so often, but nothing major, I am so thankful for that much.
Having support while your suicidal is the best thing. Getting help, reaching out that is the most important thing I think. Talking about it, not being afraid to ask someone if they are thinking about suicide or feeling suicidal, that is the only way to end the stigma of suicide.
THIS SONG DESCRIBES HOW I FEEL AT THE MOMENT!
I FEEL SHITTY!
BUT I AM TRYING HARD TO HOLD ON!
Its 2:34 in the morning. Despite my best efforts, I am wide awake!
I am feeling very low. I just feel awful. I feel so so down. My thoughts are dark. I feel an urge to do something really impulsive.
this is not good! Not good at all!
I am so not ok!
If I disappeared, I wonder would anyone notice, or care?
Becky shares this post about another bloggers struggle with suicidal ideation, she also shares some resources on suicide, please reshare it, and if your struggling, you are not alone! We’re all here and we all here on wordpress we care! You can always email me if you ever want to talk, I’ve been there too! My email is below!
via Please Share: Suicide Awareness on Blogging Sites
Thoughts of death are creeping in. Man I hate this!
I hate having such bad thoughts. Dark thought too at that.
I want to go to sleep! But sleep isn’t coming!
I am so not in the mood for a tough night!
I can use some support if anyones around.
I feel really agitated and on edg! Ug!