sometimes I have trouble seeing the good in the world
I know it must be there somewhere but it’s blocked from my view
and in those times when it’s blocked I feel suffocated by the hurt and pain inside me
I feel like I can’t walk another step, or look around one more corner trying to find the light
in these dark times reason doesn’t come to me, and love does not get thru
I am truly alone in my agony
it is in these times that I feel most vulnerable to dark thoughts and ideas
an end to the pain and suffering, no matter what it is I have to do to achieve it, is appealing
an end, just an end to it, starts to seem like it is the good in the world
suddenly what is irrational, dark, cruel even, seems light and full of hope to me
suicide is seductive, it makes its way into my life like a saviour
it promises me the things that I want, rest, silence, final peace
and it speaks nothing of the pain that I would leave behind for others to pick up
it doesn’t tell me about right and wrong, good and bad, or fairness to those I love
and in the dark times when I cannot feel the love, I cannot seem to recall it either
I feel like, in these times, I chase a forbidden fruit, a poison apple
and I can taste it’s bitterness even though I have not yet swallowed
the bites I’ve taken
Therapy Bits 