Embrace our brokenness

Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.
L.R. Knost

LIZ: DEAR EILEEN

DEAR EILEEN,
I MISS YOU. I REALLY REALLY MISS YOU. I CANT WAIT UNTIL TUESDAY WHEN WE’LL SEE YOU. THIS HAS BEEN AN INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT FEW WEEKS. THE BREAK HAS BEEN SUPER HARD ON US. WE WANTED TO TEXT, REACH OUT MORE THAN WE ACTUALLY DID. I KNOW WE SENT A FEW TEXTS, AND A FEW EMAILS. IT TOOK ALL OUR STRENGTH NOT TO FLOOD YOU WITH TEXT MESSAGES. EVEN ME, ALL I WANTED WAS TO REACH FOR YOU. TO SIT WITH YOU. I KEPT REMEMBERING THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU BEFORE THE BREAK. I KEPT REMEMBERING HOW YOU SAID WE’D WORKED SO HARD LAST YEAR. AND HOW YOU WISHED US A LOVELY CHRISTMAS. WE DID HAVE A NICE CHRISTMAS. IT WAS SPECIAL THIS YEAR. WE ENJOYED IT VERY MUCH. BUT YOU WERE NEVER FAR FROM OUR THOUGHTS. ESPECIALLY MINE. EVERY TIME WE DID SOMETHING, WENT SOMEWHERE, HAD SOME NEW EXPERIENCE, I WANTED TO REACH FOR YOU. TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. AND I WILL I KNOW I WILL. BUT I FEEL SO NEEDY LATELY. PATHETIC ISNT IT THAT I AM SO NEEDY? I KNOW YOU’D SAY IT ISNT. YOU’D TELL ME ITS JUST A FEELING, AND THE FEELINGS WONT KILL ME. SOMETIMES I WONDER ABOUT THAT. FEELINGS ARE SO OVERWHELMING SOME DAYS. THEY ARE SO INTENSE. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM. SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO PUSH THEM AWAY. IT FEELS WRONG TO MISS YOU SO MUCH. AND I WONDER, DO YOU MISS ME? WHEN I’M NOT THERE, I WONDER IF YOUR THINKING ABOUT ME. WONDERING WHAT I’M DOING? I KNOW YOU’VE SAID IN THE PAST THAT WE’VE BEEN ON YOUR MIND IN BETWEEN SESSIONS, SO I’M HOLDING ON TO THAT NOW. I AM FEELING INTENSE ANXIETY TONIGHT. I AM SO OVERWHELMED. I THINK SOME MEMORIES ARE BREAKING THROUGH. I AM NOT ALLOWING THEM TO COME FULLY THOUGH. I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH THEM WHEN YOUR NOT HERE TO CATCH US WHEN WE FALL. WHICH WE WILL, BECAUSE THE MEMORIES ARE DEBILITATING. SO I’VE BEEN JUST TRYING TO COPE. I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO MUSIC, JOURNALING, DRINKING TEA. NOT SLEEPING A LOT. TOO BUSY THINKING ABOUT WHEN I’M GOING TO SEE YOU. JUST THE WEEKEND TO GO NOW AND MONDAY, AND THEN WE’LL HAVE OUR SESSION. I THINK I CAN HOLD IT TOGETHER UNTIL TUESDAY MORNING, BUT I MIGHT BE A SOBBING MESS COME TUESDAY WHEN I GET TO YOU. I KNOW YOU’LL SAY ITS OK, THAT I CAN BE HOWEVER I WANT AND YOU DONT JUDGE ME. I JUDGE MYSELF THOUGH. I THINK IF I AM A MESS CRYING AND BEING ALL NEEDY, I AM WEAK. AGAIN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’D DISAGREE. SO I WILL HOLD ON TO YOUR WORDS NOW YOUR WORDS OF COMFORT TO US AND I WILL TRY TO JUST BREATHE. BUT MISSING YOU FEELS SO HARD. I AM COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS NOW UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.
LOVE AND HUGS,
LIZ

Eileens support means the world to us

Eileen is awesome! Did I mention how absolutely awesome she is? I’m sure I did, rye smile.
I texted her because our anxiety isnt going away. So I texted her asking her if she was able to talk for a few minutes. She responded right away, saying yes, she could.
So we just talked. She is so kind. So so caring and kind.
She spoke to the kids, and she told them they were safe, and its just memories, and that it is in the past, not happening right now.
She asked me if we were triggered by being sick this morning. I said yes we were. “I get it, she said. I hear ya.
I thought you would be triggered by vomiting. How compassionate of her. Just the fact she gets it is so comforting to us.
She told us to wrap up in our fleece blanket. Wrap up and watch something on tv, she said. Be kind to yourselves. What do kids need when they are sick? Comfort, support, hugs, time. Its ok to just be nice to yourselves now. You can do all the fun stuff now. Thats allowed.
So thats what we’re going to do. We’ll watch something on prime, or net flicks, and make a cup of tea, and relax and wrap up in our comfy blanket.
I knew Eileen would come through for us. I am so grateful to her. She’s my strength tonight.

A true family…

True family doesnt have to be blood related!
A true family supports you and believes you!
A true family listens to you and doesnt criticize you!
A true family doesnt judge you!
A true family doesnt tell you how to live your life!
A true family loves you unconditionally!
A true family doesnt put you down!
A true family encourages you!
A true family respects you as a person!
A true family doesnt take advantage of you!
A true family stands by your side!

Author unknown

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Quote of the day and my thoughts

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Martin Luther King Jr.

Never be silent. If something is important to you, speak about it. Use your voice. We were given a voice for a reason, never be scared to use it. Silence isnt golden! Its important to tell your story, whatever that story may be!

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