Just so unstable

I never went to therapy this morning. I got too overwhelmed. I tried not to cancel the session, but the anxiety got too much. At 8:30 I texted Eileen, and told her I was cancelling. I asked her if there was any possibility we could reschedule the session for later on in the week. She texted back to say at the moment she doesn’t have an opening but if she gets a cancelation she’ll get back to me.
Then I went back to bed. I didn’t really sleep though. I got maybe half an hour of good rest. The rest of the time I just layed there overthihnking and ruminating.
My friend Norma called me and we chatted, that was a good distraction. Also my friend sarah was texting me, she offered to talk to me but at the time I was too wound up and I couldn’t think straight so I said it was fine, that I’d be ok.
I rang Dr. Barrys office, and my appointment is not going ahead on Wednesday. We might be doing a phone session, the secretary needs to talk to dr. barry to see what she wants to do. So I guess I really should have tried harder to get to my therapy session, since now I don’t have any support from my mental health team for the week. Well, I can email Eileen, or text I guess, but I feel bad doing that when we didn’t have our session.
I’m still feeling very off. This self isolating has me all up in a heap. I feel triggered, really triggered by it. And I heard on the radio this morning that Ireland might actually be definitely going into a lockdown phase, because some people are being so damn stupid, going to beaches, not taking social distancing seriously, being so disrespectful of others who might get sick from their carelessness.
Its ridiculous. I guess its just a waiting game now. But they even closed macdonalds here, and I think that says a lot, most places are now closed down.
Well, I think I’ll go make some lunch, try to get my focus on something other than this damn anxiety monster, I hope it works.