Got the results of my smear test back!

The nurse from my gp’s practice just called me. She had good news! My results of my smear test are back and everything is normal! Thank god! I am so relieved!
They are still going to refer me to a clinic to have my cervix looked at, since I bled after the test, and they want to make sure that nothings going on to make that happen.
I’ll be waiting a few weeks for an appointment! I dont really want to go to be looked at, but I’ll go, because its caring for my body, and I’d rather be safe than sorry.
I’m really relieved though that all is good with the smear! Thats a huge relief!

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I will not try to predict the future!

Well today Nova has given us the word vatic, google told me it meant describing or predicting what will happen in the future.
I do this a lot! I am forever trying to see into the future!
I know I shouldnt, I know I should live in the now. And actually, today in therapy we talked a little bit about that. We were discussing going for the smear test, and Eileen said to me, its a very present day thing, its happening now, and even though there are insiders in your system who are remembering things from the past, abuse from their past, that we need to live for now, be in the now, and having that test today was very much in the here and now!
It was my 39 year old self doing that!
I didnt try to predict what was going to happen after the test, eileen said we needed to break it down, into two parts. having the test today, and the results of it which I will get in a few months. No one knows what those results will tell me, there really is no point in trying to be vatic, I should just wait and see what happens!
I can do it! I am not going to think about it now! I will just go on with my life, and not try to foresee the future ahead of me!

http://mynamaste365online.blog/2019/08/19/ndrw-77/

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I had my smear test

so I had my smear test today. It went well. I was ok, I managed to be ok for it, I wasnt too triggered during it, although I was a bit freaked out. But my mom was with me, she stayed in the room with me the entire time which I was glad about.
We had talked in therapy about it, so that had helped a little. Eileen had told me what to expect, and Eileen is a nurse, so I was reassured by her. she had told me it doesnt hurt, and for the most part it didnt, although I did feel some pressure while the nurse put the speculum inside me.
Anyway. we got there early and the nurse didnt keep me waiting. she took me straight in to the room. she was a very kind nurse, she explained everything to me. she was also very disability aware, having a sister who has downs syndrome. So she explained things, and asked me a few questions. One question she asked me was about sex, had I had intercourse in the past. that was a little embarrassing to answer in front of mom, but I did answer it truthfully.
then she had me strip off,and she had me lie on the examining table. I felt very exposed, but she did put a paper towel over me to cover me a little bit. She started talking to me about holidays, the weather and other stuff as she proceeded to start doing the test.
I did flinch a little during it, as I said there was pressure, and it did hurt as she pushed the speculum inside me. But I breathed through it, and before I knew it it was over. And I was able to get dressed again. I did bleed after the test, but she said thats pretty normal, and for me not to worry about it.
She said since I’d bled afterwords that she would tick the box that says suspicious cervix, and that would mean I’d automatically be referred to the gyn clinic for further treatment and testing, but it could still take anything up to 2 months for me to get a letter with an appointment in it.
She did say it was concerning how I’d gotten a period again after so long, but that if I have some ovary tissue left, that I am still producing hormones, and the lining of my womb could be thickening and maybe that is why it happened, but any post menapausal bleeding needs to be checked out.
so that was that. we left and i know now what to expect. As for the results of the smear that will also take a while. eileen had said I could text her after I had the test, so I did. I just told her how it all went, and what happened during it , and within the hour she texted me back and said how proud of me she was and she also said well done for getting through it.
I am proud of myself for getting through that. I didnt think I could do it.

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#Socs 18-08-2019 sleep, therapy and smear test!

I am again participating in Lindas socs prompt this week!
I shall just see where the prompt takes me! 😀

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is co- Find a word that uses co as a prefix and use it in your post. Have fun!

Coffee! Of course you knew I’d choose that didnt you? Lol 😀
Its now 5:37 AM! I woke up a half hour ago. I didnt go to bed until after 2 AM. I was watching a couple episodes of a show called I survived. Its a reality type show, about people who survived horrific things, beat the odds, and survived despite everything.
It was a great show! I really enjoyed it. I love reality tv!
The little sleep I did get, was enough! I am not even tired now. I am so pleased because I have therapy this morning! I am so happy I will see Eileen again! First though I shall have a couple mugs of coffee. I need a pick me up!
😀

I will be going home to my own house today after therapy. My sisters going to take me. I have some groceries to bring home, and of course there is Nitro too. What we’ll do is drop nitro off, and my groceries, and then I need to go back to moms for a bit, as I have my smear test today at my gp’s. I am so nervous, I hate having to have this done! But I know its necessary, I am just dreading it!
If you pray please pray I will get through it and be ok! I need all the prayers I can get!I am a nervous wreck!
🙂
Lets just hope its over quickly! And that its painless, mom said its just a pinch so we’ll see! Its not really the pain I am nervous about, its the actual having someone examine me down there!
nooo!
I’ll post later to let you know how it went! If you can just keep me in your thoughts and prayers it will be so appreciated!
😀
thanks! 😀

https://lindaghill.com/2019/08/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-17-19/

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Freaking out guys

I just got off the phone with my gp. He was calling me back since I rang him last week to speak to him about having gotten a period again after about 5 years of having none.

He told me at first that its normal, that the lining of the womb breaks up after the ovaries are removed, and falls away. Then I told him that 9 months after I’d had the surgery that I’d gotten a light period then, and since then there had been nothing.

He grew concerned then and said that wasnt normal. But that he didnt know why it would happen and if it would happen to me again. So he told me to make an appointment with the nurse to have a smear test done. Well I did that now, but I am so freaked out.

I hate anyone examining me in that way. I know its necessary, but damn. I am so triggered by the fact that I have to have this done. My appointment isnt for 2 weeks, so I have 2 weeks to worry and fret about it. And then once its done, another long wait for results. And with the way the cervical checks are going here in ireland, its not very positive, there are long waits to get results of smear tests, and sometimes people have been misdiagnosed, because the tests are outsourced to labs in the USA.

I am so afraid guys. I am really afraid of having this done. My mom said she’d go in with me. Thank god for that much. I dont want to go in alone. I need her there to hold my hand. I know thats childish but you just dont realise the huge triggers for me surrounding this, considering my history of abuse.

I’m not ok. I’m really, really not ok.

The last time I had a smear test was 6 years ago when I had my surgery to remove my ovaries, and then, I was under anaestetic and asleep when they did it.

So can anyone tell me, is it painful? Does it hurt?

I am so so nervous about this I am beyond freaked out!

I just hope things turn out ok. Please pray for me if you pray and if not then please send me good vibes or good thoughts. I need them right now and for the next few weeks. Eileen isnt even here for me to talk to her about all this, thats what I’d normally do, I did talk with dr. barry yesterday, but man guys. This is just not good.

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