Messed up sleep schedule

I really need to quit napping by day. I dont get a lot of sleep, so I’ve been sleeping when I can. I know this is bad though. I know I should only nap for an hour or two max, if I do nap. I should set an alarm or something to wake me up and then just get up and stay awake until a decent hour. I napped earlier this afternoon, and now its 2 AM and I am wide awake. I woke up at about 1 AM. I did go to bed early, at around 9:30. But I couldnt settle, even though I was super tired. Has anyone got any tips, on what you do? Do you have a decent sleep schedule? Or do you sleep at funny hours? I cant be the only one who does can I? I doubt I’m going to go back to sleep now. I will probably stay up and read. Its a vicious circle though as I am busy this morning with slimming world, then I work on friendly call in the afternoon, so by 5 PM I’ll be done in. All I will want to do then is rest. I’ll try to stay up until 10 pm or so though I think. I have to get my sleep schedule back on track. I just have to. I know it isnt good to be asleep during the day and awake at night. And they also say weight gain is atributed to getting little sleep. If I want to lose weight I need to look after my body. I’m just so tired of fighting this sleep thing. Its just getting me down a lot. Sometimes I’ll sleep for 12 hours, its rare, but it does happen, especially when I am at my parents house. I love when I can do that. I feel so refreshed the next day when I get a good number of hours of sleep the previous night.

What I’ve noticed

I noticed something today. When we sleep during the day, we get much better quality of sleep. We dont do well by night. Nights are super hard for us. Night time is a huge trigger. It is when the worst stuff happened to us. So sleeping during night time is super hard for us. But when we nap during the day, we feel safer. I think that napping during the day is ok, if we are able to, and if we have nothing on. I’m going to try to do that more. If it means sleep is better for us then, thats good. I’ll take that. It beats being triggered at night. Having littles out who are upset and very fearful. That always happens for us during the night. Actually, the kids are way more active at night, I’ve noticed that also. Its a pattern. I think they’re drawn out at night due to their triggers and fears. I need to discuss this with Eileen today. I think I’ll talk to her this morning about it. See what her thoughts are on it.


Supported recovery, my first session with Aisling

So I had my appointment with my new mentor, Aisling, and it went really really well.

We started off by doing some paperwork. We talked about the limits of confidentiality, data protection, and I gave her dr. Barry and Eileens contact details, just in case she needs them in the future.

I told her I hadnt gone in there with an agenda. I told her my mental health was suffering lately. That I needed to discuss some things, including sleep, starting work, anxiety, dissociation. She was very kind, and asked me what she could do to support me in accessing information, so I asked her if she’d email me on any details, details of things going on in shine, also she said she’d email me on notes about our sessions which I think is going to be very helpful.

I decided to be very honest with her, so I told her upfront that I am an abuse survivor. I told her I had did, I told her that I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life up to now and she was really great about all of it.

I think I’m going to like working with her. She was very open with me also. She told me in our conversation that she used to struggle with bad anxiety, and depression and she shared what works for her in regards to a bed time routine. She told me she’d share it with me and I could take what was helpful from it and leave the rest.

That was mostly what we spoke about. She said in regards to working with younger alters, she shared with me that for her, she likes to work from a more childish frame of mind, as she feels very young at heart. So she said perhaps we should make a chart, put stickers on it, stars or some other sort, and every time we achieve something from our bedtime routine that we’d stick a star on the chart. The kids loved that idea. They wanted to try it right away. I think that will work for us. So she wrote up some notes for me and I am going to implement some of the stuff we talked about into my night time routine over the next week until we meet again next week.

She wrote down a list of helpful things, and not so helpful things that I am currently doing at night, and I will have that for reference now going forward which will be good I think.

She is training to be a therapist, and I think she’ll make a fantastic psychotherapist. She’s really good with people, with talking things through, finding a solution, and working out where to go and what to try out. It was a really helpful session. She also told me that I can talk about suicide with her, and not to feel like I cant bring that up in case she’d need to break my confidentiality. That she wants our space to be a safe place to discuss anything that comes up for me, even if I feel suicidal at times.

I’m very very happy with my session. I feel we discussed a lot and now I have a plan to go on. I will work in some things we talked about at night over the next few nights, and see how I go. She told me there might be nights where nothing we’ve talked about works, she said thats ok, we’ll keep working on things until we get somewhere with the sleep hygiene.

Here is a bit of her email to me regarding what to try and how to go about getting a good nights sleep.

Session One

Night Routine

Discussed tailoring a night time routine to suit the younger alters

Unhelpful things:
– drinking tea and coffee
– using my phone at night
– going to bed at different times
– napping during the day

helpful ideas:
– lavender oil in diffuser
– lavender bed spray
– lavender hand cream
– breathing exercise
– magnesium spray
– same time every night
– phone away
– audio book before bed
– warmth
– showering before bed
– sleep sound app
– star charts to help build habit

I think I’m going to beat this and get some type of routine finally going and maybe just maybe I’ll begin to sleep better!


i am an early bird

I woke up at 5 AM! That was after going to bed at 1:30. And not going to sleep for another hour after that!

I couldn’t fall asleep! When I did, it was fitful sleep I got.

But, I’m up now. And surprisingly I am feeling good! We’ll see if that feeling lasts.

I had a bowl of yummy granola for breakfast, which reminds me, I need to go look it up to see how many syns are in it, syns are what we use in slimming world, for the foods that aren’t too good for us, or contain a lot of fat and sugar.

I’ll go on my app now and look up granola. I hope the syn value isn’t too high. I love granola and it tastes so good!

todays the day

today is the day I start college. I am nervous. But I also cant wait.

Let the learning begin. I’m ready. Bring it on.

I only got 3 hours of sleep. I woke at 5 AM. The 3 hours I did get were broken. I was tossing and turning. Eventually I decided to get up and shower.

Now I am drinking coffee and going through email. I love early mornings…they are so peaceful. When the world sleeps and I am awake.

I have such a busy tuesday ahead. I’ll be on the go for the entire day.

I hope college is good tonight. Please send good wishes and support. i can do this. I know I can.

Bad start to my morning

i slept well woke up at 6. decided to get in the shower. no one here gets up until 7, then staff help residents who need help in the shower. so anyway. got in the shower and took my shower. thought i was really doing great and being all bright eyed and bushy tailed. got out of the shower and oh. my. god. the floor was soaking. i mean puddles of water everywhere. i quick got a towel and tried to soak up some of the water, it didnt really work. so then i had no choice but to ring the bell so that a staff member would come in so i could tell them. the nurse annette came in needless to say she was none too happy when she saw the mess. she was like its only 6:20 AM, what are you doing up at that time? i told her i just woke up early so decided to get up. she had to put sheets down, then she mopped the floor. i felt so bad having to have staff come in. after her initial grumpiness though she was ok. i told her i hadnt had this problem yesterday and she said she’d get the maintenance man to look at it later this morning.

she said it was pouring outside and looking like it would be down for the day. if thats the case i’ll stay indoors today. i was going to go to the basement club but i’m not going if it means i’ll be soaked to the skin. i can wait until tomorrow.

I’m glad I slept well though. I’m thinking about getting a mood tracker ap. Does anyone know of any good ones? I’ve never tried one before. But it sounds like it might be good if I did.

Let me know what ones you use. I dreamt about Jess and her system last night. I dreamt I was visiting them in the US. It doesnt surprise me since I went to sleep thinking of them all. And crying, I went to sleep crying because I miss them so much.

We used to have such fun times when I’d visit. Me and Jess our sense of humour is similar, and we were always teasing one another. I love that she’s multi and just gets me too, there is also that. A friend just reminded me of a youtube video we’d made, where jess was making fun of me because I said I took out a 50 dollar note, instead of a 50 dollar bill. She was like that, always teasing me about the differences in terms I used.

I have a youtube channel with some videos on it that we made, some years ago, if anyones interested in watching them. My favourite is one where we were in a huge rain storm. We were sitting in the car and it was pouring rain and thundering, and I was like I am so scared, and jess was like she’s scared of the lightning, and she cant even see it! Another person would get offended but not me, I knew she was only teasing me.

The next thing I knew she spilled her hot coffee all down my arm! And she was like would you look at that! We have made some awesome videos.

If you wanna see them let me know because they are on a separate youtube channel.

sleepless night

despite trying to go to bed early I am up. I cant believe I woke up despite all that I did to stay asleep.

I went to bed at a decent hour, it was 10 PM. I turned off the tv so there was no background noise. I got one of the staff to let nitro out so my mind wouldnt wake up again.

I did fall asleep but woke at 1:30. And I have been awake since.

Do any of you find that when you are tired and go to sleep at a decent time that you just cant stay asleep throughout the night?

So annoying. Will probably be up for the rest of the night now. On the plus side I have strawberry water to drink, its really good.

Nitro is acting like he’s ill. His stomach keeps making these weird noises. Like gurgling noises. I hope he’s going to be ok. I am nervous. I dont want him to start throwing up.
carol anne