poetry

I’m sitting here
wondering in fear
is something wrong
cant get in touch
havent spoken to you much in weeks
when this sort of thing happens
its not a good sign
tried to call
tried to text
with no success
wondering, are you ok?
or is it just another day
in the life
of someone
in a psych residential facility?

wrote this because I am thinking about my partner tonight, i cant get through to her, lately. I’ve called and texted a number of times, she’s currently in a residential psych facility in the USA.
I hope she’s ok…hoping nothings wrong…

Talked today to dr barry about relationship stuff

i spent the majority of todays apt with dr barry discussing jess. i told her how last week in therapy i’d started to talk about relationship stuff, and the flood gates had opened. we talked a lot about jess and her illness and the current situation. i told her how i felt a great sense of loss, mixed up with frustration, anger, resentment, and so so much more. dr barry listened intently as she always does. then she gave me some feedback. she said from what I said it sounded to her like jess was in a depressive episode with psychotic features. I asked her how long she felt this would last. She said untreated an episode could last months. I told her how they were treating jess’s physical needs, but that I didnt think they were doing anything to address her psychological needs. Dr Barry said that right now if they tried to intervene psychologically, it would be like swimming through water or black tar. She said there literally is no point. Especially when Jess isnt responsive. Dr barry said sometimes all you can do literally when someone is in that kinda episode is literally take care of their physical needs. And that is it. When she put it to me like that it kinda made sense. She said hopefully the episode whatever kinda one jess is in wont last for months. But its already gone on for months. I told her I am slowly losing hope that things will ever get better. She said I should try not to give up hope. But that she understands where I am coming from. That she understands its harder for me because I cant physically be in her presence, I cant visit her, I cant really talk to her. The other day I called and she refused to come to the phone. She didnt know it was me but she just refused to come to take her phone call. Other times lately when I’ve called they’ve said she’s sleeping. Its so very sad and devastating to me that she is like this. I really am at a loss and I feel so powerless to help. I told dr barry today that all I can do is keep working in therapy on this issue. Its obviously effecting me a lot, much more than I’d like to admit.
Carol anne