I just finished this book. I thought it was a very good book, very sad though, and very graphic in places, so if your triggered by talk of abuse or details about abuse and acts of violence, then this book might not be for you.
Cassie grew up in ireland. She survived physical, sexual and emotional abuse at the hands of her stepdad and her mother. At just 16 she was sold into marriage by them.
I wont spoil the rest of the book, but it was a page turner, thats for sure.
the book is available on kindle, on audible, and in paperback.
Book description is below.
Author: Cassie Moore
Title: Did you hear me crying?
In this shocking memoir, Cassie Moore gives a very open and honest description of how she suffered and survived a lifetime of abuse. She describes the sexual, physical and emotional abuse she suffered at the hands of her stepfather and mother, who then sold her into marriage at the age of 16; the heartbreak she suffered when she naively left her 22 month old baby behind when she fled to London with the man she fell in love with, only to be abused by him for a further 23 years; the self-loathing, depression and despair she felt during those lonely years; and the enormous sacrifices she had to make to save herself and start a new life.
This is a beautiful new blog and blogger to me, they write about their experiences of mental health, and life in general, go over, say hey, check out the blog, give them a follow, its well worth it!
Some may have spent more time in the fire than others, but…
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“You aren’t special.
Everyone, every damn person
that’s ever lived,
has licked the flames of hell
at some point
and returned in singed shreds.
The real question
I’d like an answer to is this:
are you using your pain as an excuse
or as a source of strength?
-Marisa B Crane”
YOU LOOK ME OVER
I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING
I KNOW WHAT YOU’LL DO NEXT
YOU INSTRUCT ME
TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES
SCARED AND FRIGHTENED
ALONE AND WITH NO ONE TO HELP ME
I SHUDDER AGAIN
WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE END
I DO WHATYOU SAY
BECAUSE ITS JUST EASIER THAT WAY
WANT TO END IT
WANT TO QUIT
YOU DO THE DEED
THE PAIN, I FEEL
THEN YOU LEAVE
AND I START TO HEAVE
I CANT BEAR
TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST DID
OR THAT I’M JUST A KID
I HATE YOU I FUCKING DESPISE YOU YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME MY INNOCENCE MY CHILDHOOD MY DREAMS MY HOPES BUT THERE IS ONE THING YOU DID NOT TAKE MY SPIRIT YOU COULD NEVER TAKE THAT SO GO TO HELL AND I HOPE YOU FEEL THE PAIN I FELT SOME DAY YOU DESERVE IT
Tears are always running down my face
I hang my head low thinking “what a disgrace?”
The tears are coming from all the damage you caused
What do you want now, a round of applause?
I’ve watched you rape and molest me right before my eyes
Now the only thing left to do is cry
You stole my virginity without my consent
PLEASE tell me why this is the way it went
All I wanted was for you to get off of me
But getting you off of me just wasn’t that easy
You hit me in my face then ripped my shirt
Then you pushed it in to the point where it hurt
I remember it like it was yesterday
Answer this, will I ever forget about this and be okay?
The thoughts are crucial & all I can do is cry
Sometimes I just think then ask myself “why didn’t I die?”
The bastard didn’t care if I lived or if I died
All he cared about was being satisfied
I feel dirty, I feel low, I feel used
I’ll always know that I’m a victim of sexual abuse!
Today I ask why
Why that man picked me
Yes Im asking why
Why could he not see
The pain and the suffering
That he would cause for me
Its just one thing after another
Its this nasty mind of mine
Memory after memory
You were way out of line
Why sir did you break me
For your own delight
Made me a target for others
Whos minds were not right
Wrong enough to hurt me
Until I couldnt take much more
Made myself a family
And to others shut the door
I have my help my system
Always there to say
Come on we can do It
Several times a day
You dont know how you scared me
Each time you came near
Even hurt me now
Enough to shed a tear
Today I really hate you
For that I dont ask why
I know its cause your sick inside
And you fucked a child dry
I cried til i could cry no more
After what you did
I cried because you made me hurt
In your perverse desperate bid
Your bid to fulfill your fantasy
Without any thought
No thought for my feelings
And from that you taught
Taught me to be tough
Not take any shit
Say no to perverts
Sick and twisted dicks
I hope you die you bastard
And I hope it hurts like fuck
Oh and I just want you to know
That what you did fucking sucks.