I REALLY WANT TO CUT TONIGHT. I AM HAVING BAD THOUGHTS. MY HEADS FEELS JUMBLED. AND FULL. SO, SO FULL. I NEED TO FEEL THE RELEASE. I’M TRYING HARD NOT TO DO IT. ITS GONE PAST 3 AM. I FEEL LIKE I AM FULL OF ENERGY. RED HOT ENERGY. AND THE URGE TO SELF HARM IS SO STRONG. I THINK ITS JUST BECAUSE BIG FEELINGS ARE COMING UP FOR ME. FEELINGS I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH. SIGH, THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING ISNT THERE?
slowly i sit
and the blood drips
slit and slice
the pain feels nice
dont even think twice
just go at it
have no regrets
I AM FEELING LIKE CUTTING. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. THE URGES ARE SO STRONG. I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO MUSIC, I WAS LISTENING TO RAP AND HIP HOP, THAT IS THE SORT OF MUSIC I LIKE. I LIKE EMINEM AND 50 CENT AND KANYE WEST AND ARTISTS LIKE THAT. THE MORE FUCKS IN THE SONG THE BETTER, LOL. I FEEL A LITTLE DESPERATE, ITS AFTER 1 AM AND I’M ALONE AND HAVING A HARD TIME. IF ANYONES OUT THERE I COULD USE A FRIEND.
Tell me why
Do not heal.
Take this pain
Send it off
Down the stream
Talk to me
Show me you care
Dont leave me here
This heart is going numb
Digging is the only option
Scar tissue is all that remains
Turn the light on
Deep within me
Show me happiness again
so in case you wondered about who wrote the post earlier where we wanted to cut? it was liz. some of you who know us well might have know it was her. she forgot to sign her name at the end though. but she did write in all caps which is her style of writing so people may have guessed who wrote it.
we all tried to help her well ok not all but some of us did some of the teen insiders did. me, amy, alexa, Tristan, asher, cora, wendy, willow, ro, jade, etc.
she listened to music and read a book. we also made some tea and watched a little tv with surprise of surprises our dad. he was in a chatty mood which was nice. we watched the six o’clock news, that was kind of depressing but we do like to know what is going on in the world.
this weekend is going to be very low key. I intend on finishing a Maggie Hartley book that I’ve been reading called who will love me now. I also intend on catching up on some shows I like on tv, doing something creative, maybe going to visit my friend if I feel up to it.
Anyone got a good idea for a creative craft?
Do any of my readers do art? If you do what kind do you like to do?
What tv shows do you like to watch on tv?
The shows I am watching are shows that I will need to watch during the day because they relate to crime and so I cant watch them by night.
What is the weather like this weekend in your part of the world?
Its actually sunny here today rare for September. Its about 16 degrees c not sure what that is in degrees f.
I’M COMING OUT OF MY SKIN. EVERYTHING JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMING. I WANT TO CUT. I NEED TO CUT. I CANT TAKE ANOTHER MINUTE OF THIS. THIS PAIN IS JUST FUCKING INSANE. I AM GOING OUT OF MY MIND. I NEED TO RELEASE SOME OF THIS PAIN. I HAVE TO FEEL BLOOD. IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. I CANT BEAT THIS. I SUCK.
I’M SO ANGRY SO FUCKING ANGRY I HAD A NIGHTMARE AND ME AND NIGHTMARES WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE LOL I FUCKING WELL YEAH OK ITS MY WORST FEAR IS HAVING BAD DREAMS I HATE THEM I GET SO SQUIRRLY AND ANCI AND MAN JUST UG I AM JUST SO ANGRY AT OUR ABUSERS THEY TOOK SO MUCH FROM US THEY DIDNT CARE THEY JUST TOOK AND TOOK AND LEFT US IN A STATE AND DIDNT GIVE A DAMN AS LONG AS THEY GOT THEIR OWN SELFISH FUCKING NEEDS MET WHO CARES ABOUT US AS LONG AS THEY GOT WHAT THEY FUCKING WANTED OH GOD I WANT TO PUNCH SOMETHING AND I WANT TO CUT BUT MOM AND DAD ARE IN THE NEXT ROOM IF I GO OUT OF THIS BEDROOM I HAVE TO PASS THEIR DOOR AND WILL ONLY WAKE THEM UP THEY ARE LIGHT SLEEPERS BUT OH BOY DO I EVER WANT TO CUT THE URGE IS SO STRONG ONLY BECAUSE I HATE EMOTIONS AND DEALING WITH THEM I’D RATHER CUT TO NUMB THE PAIN FUCK FUCK FUCK IF ANYONES AROUND COULD USE A FRIENDLY WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT