Friday chitter chatter

so in case you wondered about who wrote the post earlier where we wanted to cut? it was liz. some of you who know us well might have know it was her. she forgot to sign her name at the end though. but she did write in all caps which is her style of writing so people may have guessed who wrote it.
we all tried to help her well ok not all but some of us did some of the teen insiders did. me, amy, alexa, Tristan, asher, cora, wendy, willow, ro, jade, etc.
she listened to music and read a book. we also made some tea and watched a little tv with surprise of surprises our dad. he was in a chatty mood which was nice. we watched the six o’clock news, that was kind of depressing but we do like to know what is going on in the world.
this weekend is going to be very low key. I intend on finishing a Maggie Hartley book that I’ve been reading called who will love me now. I also intend on catching up on some shows I like on tv, doing something creative, maybe going to visit my friend if I feel up to it.
Anyone got a good idea for a creative craft?
Do any of my readers do art? If you do what kind do you like to do?
What tv shows do you like to watch on tv?
The shows I am watching are shows that I will need to watch during the day because they relate to crime and so I cant watch them by night.
What is the weather like this weekend in your part of the world?
Its actually sunny here today rare for September. Its about 16 degrees c not sure what that is in degrees f.

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CUT, CUT, CUT

I’M COMING OUT OF MY SKIN. EVERYTHING JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMING. I WANT TO CUT. I NEED TO CUT. I CANT TAKE ANOTHER MINUTE OF THIS. THIS PAIN IS JUST FUCKING INSANE. I AM GOING OUT OF MY MIND. I NEED TO RELEASE SOME OF THIS PAIN. I HAVE TO FEEL BLOOD. IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. I CANT BEAT THIS. I SUCK.

ANGER

I’M SO ANGRY SO FUCKING ANGRY I HAD A NIGHTMARE AND ME AND NIGHTMARES WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE LOL I FUCKING WELL YEAH OK ITS MY WORST FEAR IS HAVING BAD DREAMS I HATE THEM I GET SO SQUIRRLY AND ANCI AND MAN JUST UG I AM JUST SO ANGRY AT OUR ABUSERS THEY TOOK SO MUCH FROM US THEY DIDNT CARE THEY JUST TOOK AND TOOK AND LEFT US IN A STATE AND DIDNT GIVE A DAMN AS LONG AS THEY GOT THEIR OWN SELFISH FUCKING NEEDS MET WHO CARES ABOUT US AS LONG AS THEY GOT WHAT THEY FUCKING WANTED OH GOD I WANT TO PUNCH SOMETHING AND I WANT TO CUT BUT MOM AND DAD ARE IN THE NEXT ROOM IF I GO OUT OF THIS BEDROOM I HAVE TO PASS THEIR DOOR AND WILL ONLY WAKE THEM UP THEY ARE LIGHT SLEEPERS BUT OH BOY DO I EVER WANT TO CUT THE URGE IS SO STRONG ONLY BECAUSE I HATE EMOTIONS AND DEALING WITH THEM I’D RATHER CUT TO NUMB THE PAIN FUCK FUCK FUCK IF ANYONES AROUND COULD USE A FRIENDLY WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT
LIZ

daily word prompt oozing

arm red raw
blood oozing
slowly trickling
down, down, down
to the ground, ground, ground
I sit
I contemplate
Should I treat it?
Or leave the blood dry
A voice inside my head says
Dont treat it!
You do not deserve to get help!
You did this to yourself!
You are rubbish
You are worthless
You are a freak!
I listen
cry silent tears
because I think
Its all true

Rock botto

swirling and spinning

quickly downward

nothing to grip onto

the hole seems endless

yet i have a sense of rock bottom

and i think i’m about to hit it

i brace myself for the collision

but i am tugged away by voices

my mind can’t prepare

and combat hallucinations

enter the flashbacks

on top of the voices

memories stabbing my heart

suddenly i hit the ground

the fall is hard

my arms out to brace myself

now bleed in a self injurious way

this is the bottom

its a familiar place

i’ve been here many times before

and i know that unless i get help

the right sort of help

i’ll be here again

Carol anne

Why do I cut?

WRITTEN BY LIZ, AGE 16

I LONG FOR THE COLD STEAL BLADE OF A KNIFE

TO TOUCH MY SKIN AND TAKE ME AWAY

TO MAKE ME FORGET ALL THE PAIN INSIDE

AND CALM THE NERVES THAT REFUSE TO SETTLE

I WANT THE FEELING THAT ONLY COMES BY THIS

THE FEELING THAT I CAN RELAX AND BREATHE

MY HEART FEELS SO COLD AND SO HEAVY

HOW CAN I KNOW ITS WARMTH WITHOUT THE BLOOD

IF MY BLOOD IS WARM THEN MY HEART MUST NOT BE FROZEN

I WANT THE BLANKNESS OF MY MIND, THAT IS UNIQUE TO THE STINGING AND LINES OF RED

THE ONLY WAY IVE EVER KNOWN OF, TO CLEAR OUT EVEN FOR A MOMENT ALL THAT HAUNTS ME

I WANT A PEACE THAT COMES OUT NUMB

THAT FEELS NOTHING, RATHER THAN EVERYTHING AT ONCE

HOW CAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND SUCH CONTRADICTIONS

LIFE AND WARMTH, WITH BLANKNESS AND NUMBNESS

YET THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT I CAN BRING OUT OF MYSELF

WITH ONLY A KNIFE PRESSED TO MY SKIN

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poetry

silent tears fall
no one sees
i am alone
alone and afraid
the night is long
urges to self harm fill my head
but i breathe instead
counting the breaths
like my therapist showed me and encourages me to do
slowly the hours passed
the urges to cut my skin faded
and were replaced by intense sadness
this is me, this is my truth

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