HURTING…

I AM HURTING EVERYTHING IS A MESS MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE I CANT DEAL I JUST CANT DEAL I FEEL SO OVERWHELMED I WANT TO CUT I THINK THAT’D MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AT LEAST TEMPORARILY I KNOW I WONT THOUGH I WILL NOT DO WHAT MY EMOTIONS ARE TELLING ME TO DO THOUGH INSTEAD I WILL SIT HERE I WILL READ MY BOOK I WILL DRINK COFFEE I WILL TRY NOT TO WALLOW I WILL TRY TO DISTRACT BY GOING THROUGH EMAIL AND THEN FACE TIMING MY FRIEND LATER TONIGHT I COULD REALLY USE SOME SUPPORT IF ANYONE CAN MANAGE IT
THANKS,
LIZ

Virus-free. www.avg.com

URGES AND BRAIN DUMP

I FEEL IT THE URGE TO CUT THE URGE TO HURT MYSELF
IT IS STRONG AND I AM WEAK
IT IS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, NOBODY IS UP
I AM ALONE. ALONE AND SCARED. AND WISHING I COULD BE NUMB.
JUST NUMB THE PAIN AWAY, ITS THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE RIGHT NOW
LIZ

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Blog share. Bipolar barb #1

Another promotion from another wonderful blogger…So my good blog friend barb runs a great blog over at bipolar barb, so go check her out! You wont be sorry! She is a wonderful person, and her blog is real, raw and very honest!

http://barbnatividadblog.com

LIZ HERE. I WANT TO JUST CUT

I WANT TO CUT. IT WILL TAKE MY PAIN AWAY. I AM IN TURMOIL. EMOTIONAL TURMOIL.
I CANT DEAL WITH THIS LEVEL OF PAIN. I FUCKING JUST CANT DO IT.
I NEED RELEASE. I NEED A WAY OUT.
I HAVE A MEANS TO DO IT. I HAVE RAZORS. I HAVE KNIVES. CAN I RESIST? I AM NOT SURE.
AT THIS POINT NOTHING IS WORKING. NOTHING IS SATISFYING MY URGES.
RELIEF IS ALL I CAN THINK OF, SWEET RELIEF.
IS ANYONE AROUND?
LIZ

HARD NIGHT

I AM SO AFRAID. AFRAID TO SLEEP. AFRAID OF HAVING NIGHTMARES. TONIGHT IS A BAD NIGHT. SOME OF YOU MIGHT KNOW WE ARE SRA SURVIVORS, RITUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS. WELL THERE IS AN ECLIPSE, AND A BAD DATE TODAY TOO FOR RITUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS. LOTS OF CHAOS INSIDE. LOTS OF SCREAMING AND CRYING. LOTS OF FEAR. LOTS OF OVERWHELM. EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD. ITS JUST SO HARD. I WANT TO CUT SO BAD RIGHT NOW. I JUST FEEL LIKE GOING IN THE BATHROOM AND BREAKING THE MIRROR AND CUTTING.
LIZ

Why do I cut?

WRITTEN BY LIZ

I LONG FOR THE COLD STEAL BLADE OF A KNIFE

TO TOUCH MY SKIN AND TAKE ME AWAY

TO MAKE ME FORGET ALL THE PAIN INSIDE

AND CALM THE NERVES THAT REFUSE TO SETTLE

I WANT THE FEELING THAT ONLY COMES BY THIS

THE FEELING THAT I CAN RELAX AND BREATHE

MY HEART FEELS SO COLD AND SO HEAVY

HOW CAN I KNOW ITS WARMTH WITHOUT THE BLOOD

IF MY BLOOD IS WARM THEN MY HEART MUST NOT BE FROZEN

I WANT THE BLANKNESS OF MY MIND, THAT IS UNIQUE TO THE STINGING AND LINES OF RED

THE ONLY WAY IVE EVER KNOWN OF, TO CLEAR OUT EVEN FOR A MOMENT ALL THAT HAUNTS ME

I WANT A PEACE THAT COMES OUT NUMB

THAT FEELS NOTHING, RATHER THAN EVERYTHING AT ONCE

HOW CAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND SUCH CONTRADICTIONS

LIFE AND WARMTH, WITH BLANKNESS AND NUMBNESS

YET THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT I CAN BRING OUT OF MYSELF

WITH ONLY A KNIFE PRESSED TO MY SKIN