Fuck fuck!

ANXIETY WOKE US UP! DAMN! DAMN DAMN DAMN!
NOW WE WONT BE ABLE TO FALL BACK TO SLEEP AGAIN!
OMG I AM NOT HAPPY!
MY HANDS ARE SHAKING SO BAD THAT I CAN BARELY TYPE THIS! WELL SHIT!
MY CHEST FEELS SO TIGHT!
MY HEART IS POUNDING!
AND ITS ONLY MIDNIGHT! A WHOLE NIGHT OF THIS? OMG! I CANNOT DEAL!
WE DIDNT HAVE A NIGHTMARE, AT LEAST NOT THAT I AM AWARE OF!
SO WHY?
OMG!

LIZ

FEAR AND APPREHENSION

ITS LIZ. I HAVE A LOT OF FEAR IN ME RIGHT NOW. I FEAR EVERYTHING, AND EVERYONE. ITS HARD TO ADMIT TO IT. I AM NORMALLY A STRONG PERSON. NORMALLY I’D JUST SAY, FUCK IT. I WOULDNT LET FEAR RULE ME. I WOULDNT GIVE IN TO IT.

BUT THIS LATEST CONTACT LAST WEEK FROM A PAST ABUSER HAS SHAKEN ME, I FEEL UNSAFE, UNSAFE IN OUR HOME. IT FEELS HARD. ITS HARD TO SLEEP AT NIGHT. ITS HARD TO COPE. ITS HARD TO SOOTHE THE KIDS, THEY GET SO FREAKED OUT, AND TO BE TOTALLY HONEST, WE’RE ALL FREAKING OUT, KIDS, TEENS, AND ADULTS.

WE ARE NERVOUS TO GO OUTSIDE. EVEN LETTING NITRO OUT, WE’RE NERVOUS. WE’RE NERVOUS IN CASE SOMEONE COULD BE OUTSIDE WATCHING US. I KNOW THAT SEEMS REALLY IRRATIONAL. I MEAN, MORE THAN LIKELY NOBODY IS GOING TO BE OUT THERE. BUT BEING BLIND, ITS HARD, WE CANT SEE TO SEE SOMEONE IF THEY ARE.

I GUESS I AM JUST VERY SPOOKED, AND SCARED. WE’RE ONLY GETTING 3 HOURS OF SLEEP AT A TIME. WE’RE CONSTANTLY ON HIGH ALERT. ITS HORRIBLE AND AN AWFUL WAY TO SURVIVE AND LIVE. I WISH IT WASNT THIS WAY. BUT I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CHANGE THINGS.

I’M JUST HOPING WHEN WE SEE EILEEN TODAY THAT WE CAN TALK TO HER. I PLAN ON TALKING TO HER ABOUT ALL OF IT. IF ANYONE CAN HELP, SHE CAN. I’M SURE OF IT. SHE’LL KNOW WHAT TO DO. I HAVE FAITH IN HER.
LIZ

Just so sad

hhihihii its Emily
im just so sad
my heart hurts
ive been crying a lot
I cant stop
I feel numb
and theres a heavy weight too
weighing me down
I cant wait to go to therapy
I don’t like when I feel this way
life feels unmanageable
unbearable even
night time sucks
I hate it
I think i’ll go pet nitro
he makes me happy
hes such a cute dog
love him to bits
butterfly hugs
love
Emily age 12

I skard? someone help?

it taylor. i skard. i no lik dis nite. i bes havin bad memrees. it no fun! i so fraid. i want a hug! i need eileen! i need sumone! i need dis nite to end! i jus ned a hug and sumeone ta tel me i gona bes ok!
it bes windy oteside! i skard of the blowin winds!
is der sumeone around ta tok to?

Ghostly happenings at therapy!

Today during our therapy session with eileen something very odd happened! We were doing some grounding work. And we were walking around the office. We stopped at the window and eileen was standing with us talking to us and all of a sudden we heard a huge crash coming from across the room. My first thought was, someones thrown something at the window! I couldnt think who would have done it though as Eileens house is way out in the country! Eileen spun around, only to see her clock on the floor smashed into pieces. It had somehow fallen off the wall and had broken! We couldnt believe it! Eileen said she’d gotten a terrible fright, which I knew, since she’d gone so quiet when it happened before she actually spun around to see what it was that had just happened! I got pretty spooked too! It was a scary thing for sure, but we were able to laugh about it once we got over the shock of it! Eileen thought that the hook she’d hung the clock up with was probably weak, and that is why it fell off the wall. Or, I said, it could be a ghost, disagreeing with us. Lol we both laughed at that. It sure made the session way more interesting though and it definitely woke us up!