Today’s prompt over at what if we all cared is:
to last a life time
it will no longer be
part of me
of my day
im still feeling very depressed. i am just finding today rough. not sure whats going on with me if I am honest. its hard though and it feels awful. its actually horrendous.
i dont feel like i can be around people. i tried watching tv with my dad. i couldnt do it. i just had to escape to the bedroom. i had to be alone, well i had nitro, i wouldnt be without him. he snuggled close to me. actually when my dad took him out to the living room he didnt want to stay there, he wanted to come back in to the bedroom to me. what a loyal pup he is.
i suppose part of this could be our therapists upcoming vacation. we’ve been thinking a lot about it. so yes partly the sadness and aloneness and depressed feelings could be down to that. im sure we’ll end up talking a lot about it tomorrow with her.
for tonight though i think i just have to keep a low profile. stay in my bedroom, and do things that dont require a lot of brain power. just try to be kind to myself i suppose.
the pain overflows
in her mind
in her heart
in her eyes
so much pain
drives her insane
she’s afraid to open up
afraid to speak of it
afraid to put words on it
she shoves it down
and far far away
shoves it into a corner
and applys her mask
faces the world
and smiles sweetly
yes, this is me
I can make it
I just want to hide in a corner somewhere. I hate adulting.
Feel so uncomfortable. Everything feels hard right now.
I wish someone would give me a hug. I feel so unsafe.
Think I need to go hide now
in my head
in my heart
just cannot get rid of it
it rips into my body
tares me apart
it only wants to destroy me
I’m lost in the wreck
pain, the biggest trigger of all
I FEEL SAD DONT KNOW WHATS UP WITH ME TONIGHT I JUST FEEL BAD TONIGHT FEEL INSECURE AND DEPRESSED SAD AND ALONE NUMB AND EMOTIONAL ALL AT ONCE IT SUCKS I HATE IT I WISH I COULD TURN OFF MY FEELINGS I WOULD REALLY LOVE IT IF I COULD DO THAT BUT I CANT I JUST HAVE TO GRIN AND BEAR IT I GUESS I WISH WE COULD TALK TO JESS THATS CAROL ANNES PARTNER I WANT TO KNOW HOW SHE IS SHE IS STILL IN RESIDENTIAL IN A FACILITY BUT SHE HAS HER PHONE TURNED OFF AND WE TRIED RINGING THE PATIENT PHONE BUT NOBODYS ANSWERING IT SO WE HAVENT TALKED TO HER IN A FEW MONTHS AND WE MISS HER IN FACT I MISS HER WHOLE SYSTEM SHES MULTIPLE TOO ANYWAY OH WELL WHAT DO YOU DO NOTHING I GUESS BETTER GO TAKE MY MEDS NOW
Today the prompt over at what if we all cared is, sleeping in the park!
Lucky for me I’ve never had to sleep rough. Never had to sleep on a park bench on the street. I feel so lucky that I havent ever had to do this.
My cousin is not so lucky. He sleeps rough. He is a heroin addict. He has a hard life, I used to be close to him when we were kids, but now I’m very scared of him.
Scared because he steals, he hurts people, he doesnt think, all he cares about is drugs, and where he gets his next fix.
It must be such a sad existence. I think to be homeless must be one of the worst things ever, the sad thing is he has a home, but he cant live there because of his drug addiction. His dad refuses to let him stay, I can see why.
Check out the daily prompt