Big feelings

I am cloaked in pain
sadness
swamped and sinking
under its heavy weight
it feels insurmountable
like i’ll never recover
why does it have to feel this way?
so big, so painful
feeling so alone
I start to panic
can I do this?
Will I survive?
Or will the pain win?

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/cloaked/

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ITS LIZ AND IM HURT

OK SO I AM HURTING AND SAD AND FEELING FUCKING AWFUL. YES. AND I’D LIKE TO KNOW WHY PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING INSENSITIVE.
THAT DUDE BANNING CAROL ANNE. HE THINKS HE IS GOD.
HE’S ACTING ALL POWERFUL JUST CAUSE HE OWNS A FUCKING EMAIL LIST.
DAMN IT ANYWAY. WORDS HURT. SEEING EMAILS THAT ARENT MEANT FOR US TO SEE THAT TALK ABOUT US AND ARE DEROGATORY FUCKING HURTS.
I AM PISSED. BEYOND PISSED.
IT MAKES ME WANT TO GRAB A STEAK KNIFE OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND CUT UP OUR ARMS.
JUST BECAUSE I AM HURTING, AND I CANT THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE TO DO INSTEAD.
SO I AM REACHING OUT HERE FOR SUPPORT. AND I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD BLOODY THINK BEFORE THEY SPEAK. BUT THATS ASKING TOO MUCH I GUESS.
IS ANYONE AROUND?
LIZ

A desperate cry

i’m drowning
in desperation
in pain
and grief
swimming, but sinking
a puddle on the floor
no will to live
no will to go on
clinging to shreds of hope
that some day
some time in the future
this will all be a distant memory

Current mood

stressed out. fearful. worried. anxious.

remembering, not wanting to. finding it hard to ground myslf.

unable to wind down. cant go to bed unable to settle cant turn off my mind.

feeling apprehensive, overwhelmed, desperation…

wishing eileen had responded to emilys email. she hasnt, and probably wont. sometimes she is really attuned to us, however not tonight.

CUT, CUT, CUT

I’M COMING OUT OF MY SKIN. EVERYTHING JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMING. I WANT TO CUT. I NEED TO CUT. I CANT TAKE ANOTHER MINUTE OF THIS. THIS PAIN IS JUST FUCKING INSANE. I AM GOING OUT OF MY MIND. I NEED TO RELEASE SOME OF THIS PAIN. I HAVE TO FEEL BLOOD. IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. I CANT BEAT THIS. I SUCK.

Goodbye again, karen

Your leaving today. I’ll miss you. If I could tell you one thing now it would be I am forever grateful that you came into my life and were a part of it for four years. Thank you for being you. I will love you forever. You taught me how to trust. You made me feel safe. You showed me there really are professionals out there who lov their job, who care about their patients, who do all they can to connect and engage with their patients. You showed me how it feels to be cared about and you showed me what its like to feel love for someone. I will always love you. And I will never forget you ever. I hope your new job brings you much happiness. You deserved that promotion. You earned it. Today is a sad day for me. I’m happy for you that you got this job but sad because your leaving my life. Your memory will live on in my heart forever. Good luck in everything you do going forward.

carol anne