Fowc: My partner

I havent talked to my partner jess in weeks. I wish I could. I have tried calling her. But the facility she’s at they dont seem to answer the phone. I guess I’ll just have to keep on trying until someone answers it. I get disheartened though. I’m sure she thinks I dont care, or I cant be bothered to call. Nothing is further from the truth. I miss her so much. I miss all of their system. Its hard though when she’s in that residential facility. Things have changed so much, our relationship has changed so much. She’s been there almost 5 years now. 5 long years. Thats a long time. And honestly? I dont know if she’s ever coming out of there. I just dont know. She doesnt know either. Part of me thinks she wont. Its very tough to see her be in there. Our kids dont understand why their mommy, because jess was a mom to them, they just dont understand why they cant see her, talk to her, hear her read to them. Its heartbreaking. I hope we get to talk soon. I just miss our long talks, where we’d put the world to rights. Our deep conversations. I miss those.

http://fivedotoh.com/2019/10/07/fowc-with-fandango-partner/

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Updating on baby josh’s progress

So I have a further progress update on how baby Josh is doing.

Some of his tests came back, and it wasn’t good news.

He was born without the glands that produce hormones, this is going to obviously cause him huge issues. The doctors put him on medication, and he’ll be on it for life.

Without this medication, he wouldn’t produce any hormones, so he wouldn’t grow.

They still don’t know if he’s deaf, or blind. But they do know that his level of downs syndrome is the most severe one that there is.

Its all so sad. One positive is that he’s feeding better now. He’s taking a few ounces at a time now. It exhausts him, just the action of sucking the bottle. But he’s doing it and that’s really positive.

He’s a little fighter. Please continue to keep him in your thoughts and prayers, there is still a very long road ahead for him and his parents.

Baby Josh update sad sad news

I just found out some sad news about baby josh, my cousins little boy. He’ll be three weeks old on Tuesday. They did the heel test, that babies get when they’re born, 3 times now, and on Monday they’ll be doing it a fourth time. The reason being that his bloods and that test, showed up some abnormalities with his thyroid gland, the levels of something are extremely high, and doctors have said due to this he is going to have a lot of issues. He could be severely brain damaged, he could be blind, deaf, he also has the most severe level of downs syndrome possible. The tests for that already came back positive. If he’s severely brain damaged, he probably wont survive, but the doctors really aren’t sure, his digestive system is also effected, when he takes a feed, he is exhausted, and sleeps for a long time, the mere fact of taking the bottle exhausts him. The doctors have said that if any of us are going to come into contact with him that we need to have the flu jab. They’re going to put him on medication for 3 weeks, to try to calm down the levels of whatever it is in his thyroid gland that’s high. Then, after 3 weeks he has to go to Dublin, to the big childrens hospital up there for a deep scan, a scan where they’ll put radiation into his neck. Its really sad news. I’m heartbroken for my cousin. If you pray please pray for their family, either way the outcome for him wont be great, no matter what happens. All we can do now is hope. Hope for the best for him.
Prayers and supportive thoughts would be very much appreciated.
Thanks guys!

This is the hard part about my job

Found out today at work another of my clients is dying. He has cancer. He only found out last Monday. He’s been in hospital for a while now having tests. He’s almost 80 years old.

I felt very sad for him. He’s had no quality of life now for a while. He’s been really ill, and he’s had a few falls also. He’s been in and out of hospital for a good few months now.

My supervisor said she was taking him off of our service. She said he’s too sick to talk. So I never got to say goodbye. That was hard. I wished I could have said a final goodbye to him.

I guess this is the hard part about my job. Things happen suddenly. Clients get ill and die. And there really is no closure.

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Missing Eileen

im feelin very sad. i wish i could talk to our therapist. i miss her so much. i hope whoevers sick in her familys that they will get better again. its hard not having her to talk to. we havent texted her yet. carol anne said she’ll do it tomorrow. its very late here its past midnight. we cant sleep. im feeling so scared and sad. i wish i wasnt feelin like this. i hate it. it hurts. my heart is hurting, and i want a hug.
allie 9

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Therapy breaks suck so much

well its gone 1 AM and I am still up! I cant sleep! Story of my life, right? To be honest, I am feeling pretty unsettled tonight. I miss Eileen a lot. I wish I was able to talk to her. I’ve been playing the recordings she made for us. I feel pretty sad tonight. I am not really ok. I’m trying to be, but it isnt really working. Therapy breaks are so tough. the attachment pain is bad. I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel like nothing I do is sootheing me. I even took out the empty bottle of rose scent eileen gave us and started smelling it, thinking that would help, and it did a little bit, but I still feel awful.
Its just not a good night. I am struggling to cope. Struggling to be ok. Thank god there is less than a week of the therapy break left now!

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