now i’m sick. I’ve been feeling sick for a few days.
tonight I feel like shit. coughing, runny nose, sniffling, wheezing, just an all around shitfest.
I hate being sick. it triggers the hell out ofme.
I have no meds either to take. and it doesn’t look likely that i’ll get any with this shitty weather that’s upon us.
so i’ll have to suffer on I suppose.
I’m pissy. I cant deal with this. I don’t want to deal with it.
do I have a choice though? noooo.
FEEL SO PISSED OFF!
PISSED AT DR. BARRY. SHE SAID MY ANGER WAS MISPLACED. I DIDNT WANNA HEAR THAT.
SHE HAS JUST MADE ME SUPER MAD!
I WANT TO SCREAM! BECAUSE, BECAUSE, I KNOW SHE IS RIGHT!
WHY IS SHE ALWAYS RIGHT!
omg guys i am beyond frustrated. so i run a group on groups.io. for people with did and trauma related issues. well we have a spoofer on there. how they got there i dont know. they are sending messages or they were, that looked like they were coming from me, and two other members, of course they were not from us at all. but it looked like they were. horrible nasty messages. upset a lot of people on the list and triggered the hell out of me. just to think that someone was saying things like deal with it get over the trauma and get off your arses and acting like i said them well that sent us into a downward spiral. i was going to get rid of them if it was the last thing i did. so while i was awake last night i looked into their IP addy. they are from singapore, and they sent the messages using a blackberry phone. i was able to figure out that much with the help of a friend. so first i changed my groups.io password and my google password. then i told all my group members to do the same. you see i think what really happened is one of our accounts was compramised. because i know all of the members on the list, i am familiar with all of their email addys and no one new joined recently so no unfamiliar email addresses are on the list. so anyway. after changing my passwords and figuring this shitheads IP out i was stumped. now what. so i then had to put my entire list on moderated status. for now. until this dies down. because this morning another message had come through looking like it was from my email address. and it said well guys have you all gotten over your trauma yet? and a few other cruel things that i cant quite remember. so now the list is moderated, it means i have to approve every message first. before they can go through. that should solve things i hope. i really really hope so. its a lot of extra work for me but if it fixes things then i will leave it thatw ay for a while. just until i know the spoofer is gone. for good. fuckhead. dick. fucktard, yes he is. ok it could be a she too i guess. but anyway. so am pissed. totally pissed. you shoulda seen me earlier, spazing out. freaking the hell out all night. just unable to come up with a solution. then i finally did. so thats been my day. happy freakin day and heres to idiot spoofers.
OK SO I AM HURTING AND SAD AND FEELING FUCKING AWFUL. YES. AND I’D LIKE TO KNOW WHY PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING INSENSITIVE.
THAT DUDE BANNING CAROL ANNE. HE THINKS HE IS GOD.
HE’S ACTING ALL POWERFUL JUST CAUSE HE OWNS A FUCKING EMAIL LIST.
DAMN IT ANYWAY. WORDS HURT. SEEING EMAILS THAT ARENT MEANT FOR US TO SEE THAT TALK ABOUT US AND ARE DEROGATORY FUCKING HURTS.
I AM PISSED. BEYOND PISSED.
IT MAKES ME WANT TO GRAB A STEAK KNIFE OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND CUT UP OUR ARMS.
JUST BECAUSE I AM HURTING, AND I CANT THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE TO DO INSTEAD.
SO I AM REACHING OUT HERE FOR SUPPORT. AND I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD BLOODY THINK BEFORE THEY SPEAK. BUT THATS ASKING TOO MUCH I GUESS.
IS ANYONE AROUND?
YES YOU, GO TAKE A RUNNING JUMP, OFF A BRIDGE, TAKE A HIKE, FUCK OFF, DONT BOTHER ME, I AM NOT HERE FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, I AM NOT HERE FOR YOU TO PLAY MIND GAMES WITH. YOU HAVE NO IDEA DO YOU? NO, AND YOU DONT CARE. YOU ARE SELFISH. YOU ARE HEARTLESS. YOU SPEW YOUR VENUM WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT FOR THOSE IN THE FIRING LINE. WELL. JUST FUCK OFF. LEAVE US BE. SPREAD YOUR HATE ELSEWHERE. WE ARE NOT LISTENING ANY MORE.
DONT WORRY GUYS. I AM OK. I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING RASH. I JUST NEEDED TO SPILL MY GUTS ABOUT HOW I FELT. THATS ALL. I AM OK THOUGH HONEST.
I JUST NEEDED AN OUTLET. SOMEWHERE TO VENT. AND MY BLOG IS MY PERSONAL VENT SPACE. FOR US ALL IT IS OUR SPACE TO BE COMPLETELY US. COMPLETELY REAL AND RAW AND HONEST.
SO YEAH, IT SUCKS TO BE ME RIGHT NOW. I AM NOT LIKING IT ONE LITTLE BIT. I JUST WANNA SAY STOP THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD BECAUSE I WANNA GET OFF.
BUT HEY, TOMORROWS A NEW DAY AND ALL THAT JAZZ? WHATEVA!
FOR TONIGHT, I NEED TO JUST SIT, WOOPS I NEARLY WROTE I NEED TO JUST SHIT, ROFL OK I AM HILARIOUS HHAHAAHAHA, BUT REALLY I NEED TO JUST SIT AND BREATHE.
if we were having coffee, i’d tell you i’m almost out of coffee. when i went to make mine just now, the jar was almost empty. i’d tell you i put four sweeteners into my coffee. i’m trying to avoid sugar, and before anyone says so, i do realise sweeteners are worse than sugar. the real reason i use sweeteners instead of sugar is because i am blind, and when i spoon the sugar into my coffee i spill so much of it, with sweeteners, you just pop them out of the container and plop in they go into the coffee. i’d tell you that i am bored. i have been watching tv to try and entertain myself. i watched britains got talent tonight. there were three very good singers on it. 2 14 year olds and a 15 year old. the 15 year old was a boy and he had been on the show three years ago when he was just 12 and one of the judges told him he wasnt good enough and to go get a singing teacher. today, he proved him wrong! he sang halaluiyah and he put his whole heart into his performance. and you know what happened? not only did he get through to the next round, but the judge who told him before that he wasnt good enough gave him the golden buzzer which means he’s straight through to the semi finals of the show! he was so thrilled and i was thrilled for him. if we were having coffee i would tell you that my sister has gone to her partners sisters house in kilkenny. thats a drive of about 2 hours away from where we live. her partners sisters little boy is making his communion tomorrow. there are lots of children making their communion this month. may is usually the month for making your communion. if we were having coffee i would also tell you that i am watching this talk show on tv right now. there was a lady on it talking about smart phones and how no child under 14 should have one. i agree with her. most kids nowadays have a tablet or a phone or something that has internet. i dont think its good for them. i our day, you’d think i’m old lol i guess i am at 37, but in our day, there was no internet. children went outside to play. we played with wooden toys. with dolls and stuffed animals. with lego. with skipping ropes. with puzzles. we played bord games. we spent time talking to our friends, not bullying each other online. i’m all for having the internet but there is a time when it is just too much, and that is at age 7 or 8. children dont need to be exposed to that sort of technology then. i see my nephew at 4 addicted to his tablet and my sisters I phone. i cant imagine what he’ll be like at 10. and on that note I’ll stop ranting and shut up. i’m sure your all bored of my ranting and rambles. have a great weekend everyone.