I had a good dr. barry session yesterday

i never did this yesterday so doing it now…writing about yesterdays apt with dr. barry.
i had the last appointment of the day. that was ok, but i went there a little early, because i thought she might be done early and see me sooner than the allotted time. it wasnt to be though, the clinic was tearing busy. they were down a doctor so that was why.
when i went in i was very triggered. the wwaiting room had been very hot and it triggered flashbacks for us. so i asked dr. barry if i could get a glass of water. of course she gave me one and after calming down we were able to talk.
she had a student doctor in the room with her, she asked me if i wanted her to leave, but i said no. it turns out she was a very nice girl, because during our appointment dr. barry had to step out of the room twice and so i got to talk to her a little then.
anyway, the appointment. we talked about our appointment with mark, which i will write about later tonight. that was yesterday also. i told dr. barry i felt very not ok, yesterday was a trigger date, it was a ritual trigger date, a solar eclipse, i know that wont mean much to non survivors of ritual abuse but it was a date related to the cult and the abuse i we endured. i felt very emotional and kept having flashbacks and feeling very small, vulnerable and traumatised. we talked for a while about that. then i told dr. barry about therapy and the work wendy had done recently. i also told her that wendy and the dark insiders had admitted to eileen that they wanted to do something desperate at the weekend in order that they could get a response from her, dr. barry wondered if it was because they feel threatened somehow. i said i wasnt sure. she specifically asked about liz so i told her liz is not doing very well right now, and that she was refusing to talk to anyone, even dr. barry or eileen. in fact she actually called dr. barry a nosey bitch yesterday, not to her face, but to me when i suggested that she might like to talk to dr. barry. thats liz for you, dynamite if she’s set off. lately she’s resorted to her usual angry mode again, but i think its just because she has things going on for her. when i told dr. barry she’d been called a nosey bitch, she laughed and said oh, i havent been called that in a while now. i’m sure liz will tell us when she’s ready what is going on for her. thats what i love about dr. barry, she never pushes and always just waits to be told what is going on.
we talked a little about the case conference last week, she told me that they had had a big discussion around my therapy. that if for any reason i wouldnt be able to see eileen, what would i do. it was felt that as a system we’d need 10 years, if not more of therapy. i told her me and eileen have to submit forms for ongoing funding, every six months. she said she hadnt been aware of that. they’d been talking at the conference about possibly getting me a psychologist from the psychology team if i ever had to stop seeing eileen for any reason. but usually you can only see the psychologist for 12 months, 18 months max. she said she didnt even know if they’d take me on due to the did, it was something she’d have to discuss with the team some more. hopefully that wont ever need to happen, hopefully eileen and us can continue just the way we are going. i dont think i could see someone new, and begin all over again. that would just be too much of a huge deal for us as a system. so i am hoping the funding will be kept going for my current therapy.
we didnt talk about meds or sleep or any other of our symptoms, we ended up spending a huge amount of time on the therapy stuff and case conference and the thing about the junior doctor who’d found our blog which i wrote about yesterday.
next week i have the last appointment again, and probably will from now on now that I am starting back to college soon.