how everbody be doin
i hapy tonight
ar favorit nurse is on duty
she brought us a cup of tea
carol anne ask her to mak it
we saw eileen today
i didnt get to tok tho
that was sad but mabe i can soon
i hop so cuz i lik eileen
and i lik tokin in therpy
a new girl jus came in ar ward
she is frum south africa
she has a nise acent
she told her to try to see wif ar minds eye
how we do that
i not know
i hope everone havin a good night
a little bit weak
like a freak
and people begin
whats wrong with her
what just occurred
but i’m not
i’m just lost
and at all costs
with all of my might
be all right
so i went to therapy today. i didnt have all of the session but i had a pretty good chunk of it. i like our therapist. she is so understanding and she really gets it. she made me feel better today. i talked to her about how weird it is to have different people inside of me of all different ages. i told her that even though i am 36 I only feel about 21. we talked about my mom and how nice it felt to be taken care of by her while we are in the hospital. she’s been super good about taking care of us while we’re in here. it feels nice to be looked after. it feels like old times again. i feel loved and my mom feels like she used to be when i was a kid. we talked about me getting to know the insiders. that maybe that would be a good idea. eileen told them not to flood me. that they need to take things very slowly for now. i’m glad i got some therapy time today though. it felt good and i needed it.
i’m feeling a little anxious this morning. i woke up feeling this way. i think i have the monday blues.
i ate breakfast though. i’m good for eating breakfast in the hospital. i eat it every day. its good that i do because its the only meal i eat consistently.
i’m going off the ward later on today to go to therapy. i’m looking forward to seeing eileen. i think i’ll ask the taxi driver to stop on the way so i can get a coffee. the coffee in here is like piss water.
there is a lot of work that needs to be done in therapy. i think it will be an intensive session.
this patient on my ward is so annoying. she keeps bothering me.
the other day she asked if i would give her a hairbrush. i had one, but i wasnt gonna give it to her.
then she asked me last night for some coke. i felt like saying, get your own coke, but instead i gave her a glass of coke.
she has no concept of personal boundaries or personal space. its annoying.
when my mom was visiting she kept interrupting our conversation, asking my mom to pray for her, asking her if she knew certain people, etc. its irritating.
she’s grating on my nerves.
the joys of being hospitalised i suppose. you have to deal with all sorts of people. some of whom arent too nice.
its been a pretty good day today. we’ve had no major anxiety, we havent needed any ativan, and the ptsd symptoms have been less than usual. our appetite is still pretty poor though. we’re eating breakfast but not lunch or supper. we’re living on yogurts, and junk food from the hospital shop. the food in here is disgusting. i dont know how anyone eats it. we had a great chat to our therapist earlier this evening. i told her that dr. barry said if we have a good weekend we can go to therapy on monday, she said we can go off the ward to go see eileen which is pretty cool. i also asked eileen if she’d be willing to talk with dr. barry because its been ages since they had a good catch up. she said she would so I will ask dr. barry about it when I next see her. mom didnt come to visit tonight because she came last night. she will come again tomorrow though so that will be nice as the weekends in here are very long and there is nothing to do, no groups or anything. i’ve been reading a lot. currently i am reading mummys little soldier by casey watson, its a good book, I am liking it so far. I’ve also been binge watching shows on netflix. the kids are watching full house right now. thats one of their favourite shows. i faced timed with my friend sarah for a long time this afternoon which was nice. i’m planning to visit her next spring, she lives in collorado and I’ve never been there so it will be nice to visit with her. she also has did and is blind also. i went to two groups today, relaxation and news and views. i didnt really care for the news and views group but the relaxation one was good. this time i didnt fall asleep during it though, last time i went i did lol. there was also a womens group on this morning but I didnt feel up to going to it so I didnt go. I have a pretty serious case of thrush, which is very painful. They gave me cream to rub on the effected area, and I am doing that, still though its pretty horrible. other than that not much else to report. i was craving crisps and chocolate but had no one to go to the shop for me and then one of the other patients visitors said she’d go which was really nice of her. some people really have good hearts. so i got my fix of junk food for the night and I am now a happy camper, lol.
so yesterday we had to go to the satu to be assessed. basically dr. barry wanted us to go to be reviewed to see if we had any internal injuries, and to be tested for std’s. a student nurse took us. before we went i spoke to a nice forensic examiner on the phone. her name was margo and she told me she’d be the one doing the examination. i told her about the did and that i was blind. i felt i had to tell her about the did because she said she would need to take some history from me about what happened. so i told her and she was nice about it and very understanding.
when we got there we sat down and i had to tell her to the best of my ability what happened. of course that was hard, and i couldnt really tell her much of anything. she wrote what i did say down. she said no one would get access to what she’d written without our consent so thats good. then we went into another room and she did a full medical exam. she looked over our entire body. then came the internal examination the really triggering part. she showed me the speculum before hand. she told me step by step what would be happening. a nurse from the satu was also there and the student nurse stayed with me the whole time too. i was so scared but somehow got through it. she said we had a really bad case of thrush so we’re starting meds for that. other than that though she didnt see much else going on. 8 days had passed though so its not like we had gone there right after it happened.
she tried to take bloods to test for std’s but she couldnt get my veins to co-operate. It was too early to take swobs too so we have to go back next week to get tested for the std’s.
I had taken an ativan before I went which was good because it kept me relatively calm.
I was just glad when it was over though.