Irritated with my friend

A friend just sent me a text at 4 AM. I know she’s doing badly so I didn’t mind her texting me. I was up anyway so what did it matter?
but then, then she asked me to talk to dr. barry and tell her that she, my friend is very low, and she asked me if I’d tell dr. barry that I was worried about her and afraid she was going to do something to herself.
Just to clarify, me and her have the same psychiatrist…that is, dr. barry.
I didn’t know what to say. I did not want to talk to dr. barry about her.
Plus I don’t think dr. barry would actually discuss her with me! You know like, I could say it to dr. barry that she’s low, but I doubt dr. barry will want to talk about it with me! And that is how it should be!
I told her this. I did tell her I’d tell dr. barry that she wasn’t doing very well. I am not happy she has put me in that position though!
She had an apt yesterday with the team, she missed it. It is not my fault if she misses her apts!
I know she doesn’t always see dr. barry though. And I do. So maybe she thinks by me talking to dr. barry for her that dr. barry will then do something for her?
I think she wants to go into hospital! She said as much to me in the text.
I guess Im just frustrated. Why am I always s put in awkward positions by her?
I think another talk about boundaries is in order!
She knows she should not ask, I know she knows as she said to me in the text, I hate asking you but…
Just feel so frustrated!
What would you do in my position?

Finally got in touch with my partner

so some of you know I’ve been trying to contact my partner jess for a while now. She is in a long term residential psychiatric facility in Illinois. She’s been there for 3 years. I wasn’t able to get in touch with her lately, the phones were not being answered. Finally tonight I was able to talk to her.
She’s doing well. She has been ill, she had chicken pox and was in isolation for a week. I had sent a card which she never got. I don’t know why or what happened to it!
She said she’d sent me a letter by snail mail, but I never got it either. Wonderfing now where our mail is going!
She told me she’s started with a new therapist. She likes her which is good. Her old therapist retired, she’d been seeing her for 21 years, she retired and never even said goodbye to her.
Jess has did also like me. She’s not blind though, she’s sighted.
Anyway. It felt so good to talk to her. I am glad I got to do that tonight. We feel a lot better now knowing she’s ok.
I can go to bed happy in the knowledge that she’s safe, and doing well.
carol anne

Emily and Dr. Barry

hi everyone

its emily. i just got back from our apt with dr. barry. i got to talk to her today. that was nice. i really love talking to her.

i told her how difficult the last few days have been for me and my insiders. i told her about lisa, and how last week she’d been so suicidal and how eileen helped us through that.

we talked about symptoms and therapy in general. we also talked a little about our memories. and about how some insiders cant accept that people would love them and how they find it difficult to accept that they are more than their trauma.

Dr. Barry was very sympathetic. She said its difficult for the insiders. They have a lot to cope with every day. They go through a lot of ver conflicting feelings about so many things.

It was a good conversation. I felt that Dr. Barry really understood us. She does anyway, but today I just felt she was really getting it, really getting how hard things can be for us.

She said despite all that we’re doing amazingly well. She told me she’s proud of us for continuing to cope despite all the difficulties we are having.

I’m glad I got to talk to her today. It felt so good to just be able to tell her things. I felt understood and validated.

butterfly hugs,
Loves you,


90 KG

So I just went to get my 3 montly shot of trevicta. They weighed me and they said I am 90 KG. When I got weighed at my last appointment 3 months ago I weighed 94 KG. That thrills me that I’ve lost 4 KG in 3 months. I am so delighted about that. Its great progress! The nurse told me that the next time I get my shot which will be in December, I’ll probably have to go down to the smaller sized needle. She said since I am losing weight they’ll have to adjust the needle size as well. She said they’d be weighing me again at my next appointment, and to make sure that they did do it if it was a different person giving me the shot. When I started losing weight back in Febuary I was 104 KG. Now I am 90. Wow! That’s just amazing. Its the lowest weight I’ve ever been well in a good couple of years. Probably its my lowest weight since around 2006. Here’s to losing another 4 KG over the next 3 months. For those who want to know what 90 KG equals in pounds, its 198 pounds. I’m smashing my weight loss goals, yay. 🙂 😀 ❤

Good conversation with dr. barry

Its Carol anne. So I know Taylor posted about her chat she had with dr. barry earlier. I also chatted with her. It was a great conversation. As it always is. We talked about a lot.

I told her I’d had it out with our friend who overdosed. I told her liz got angry and actually had it out with her, but then she was pissed off and so she went back inside and left me to pick up the pieces of that conversation. Which I did. And it turned out ok in the end. Dr. Barry was glad we were still friends. She said it was a good thing we talked it out. She asked me if I was willing to go on my friends contact list, in the future, if that is what was decided to do. I said I’d think about it. I am ok with it, but I do want some time to think it over before committing to it.

We talked about sleep. I told her Eileen said she is going to work on our sleep next week all going well. If nothing else pops up that we have to work on then we are going to do some work on getting our sleep schedule back on track. Dr. barry thought that was a good idea. She said we’d leave the meds alone for now then, and try first to work on sleep without pharmasutical input. I agreed. I’d rather not have to take meds for sleep if I can help it. I did tell her though that this month the pharmacy forgot to give me my prazosin. She told me to ring them and get it as that was helping with my sleep, it helped with the quality of sleep I was getting. I said I would do that.

We talked about her training, next week she has to go on training, she said every two years they have to do it, its mandetory. She also told me she is taking thursday and fridays off for the month of September. She said that its not for health reasons, she knows I worry about her and so she wanted to put me at ease, so she told me not to worry that she’s ok, and she just needs to do this for this month but come october she’ll be back to normal again and back full time.

I will see her again in two weeks. I do need to go up to clinic next week though, I have to get my injection, my trevicta injection and I will also see Mark my OT. It will be kinda weird to go up there and not see dr. barry. I thought we had a really great apt though and was pleased with the way it went.
carol anne


Taylor chats with dr. barry

gess wat guys
dis morig i talk wif dr. barry
that was good
shes so nice to me
i love her so much shes the best dr.
we talk about therapy
and i telled her eileen and me talked on monday
about boundries
and how dat eileen said to me
if carol anne closes her bedroom door at nite
that i shuld knock on it if i need her
cuz a closed door
means dat someone is takin time for themselves
and eileen says its a boundry
and it important to folo them
dr. barry ask me if i understand
i said yes but i fink it stupid
stupid boundries
who need them anyway
dr. barry was laughing at me
but not bein mean
she was just finkin i was funy
i tell her about be skard of the dark at nite
that i fraid to sleep cuz im skard
she ask me if i worked wif eileen on that
i said not yet
but we will soon i fink
she said dat mite be good idea
it was a gud chat
i like to tok to dr. barry
she make me feel safe
plus shes just so nice
and very kind
i was tell her to that i blog
she said she didnt kno dat
she fink only carol anne and liz do it
but i tell her no we all do it
and i told her i do email to
cuz i have the email grup that im in
for people wif did
and i tok to peple on that
she said it was good that i hav that
so yeah we had a good chat
i glad
love yu al
big hugs
taylor age 6


appointment with dr. barry

we had an apt with dr. barry today as well. she had to see us today as she was doing something on wednesday that prevented her from seeing us then.
it was good to see her. i had a long wait before going in though which wasnt so good. but i got through it and it was all worth it in the end when i saw her.
we talked about therapy and i told her what we’d been doing today. she thought what we’d been doing was great. i was telling her about the insider who came out and was all confused and disorientated. i told her she couldnt answer any of eileens questions, all she kept saying was I dont know. dr. barry said maybe it would be good to try to figure out why she actually came out, like what brought her out. eileen though similarly. so i think we need to do that.
we talked about meds. dr. barry asked me if I am sure that none of our meds are being stockpiled or stored up. if they are being taken right. i said yes i am pretty sure they are.
then we started talking about her holiday which will be coming up soon. in a couple of weeks. dr. barry goes on holiday on august 13th until the 27th. there is one week where herself and eileens vacatins overlap. we were trying to brainstorm today to see what we could come up with for some extra support for us during that time.
at first dr. barry asked if I wanted to see one of the doctors on her team while she was away. I quickly said no to that. there are 3 male doctors on the team, 2 on the team and one locum covering while she’s on holiday. she knows i dont really like seeing male doctors so she didnt push it.
instead she said she’d ask sarah the community psychiatric nurse to check in with me that week the week that both her and eileen are away. i wasnt expecting her to do that. so it was nice that she offered and said she would. she said she’d tell her and also write her a note just in case she forgot to mention it to her. sarah is currently on holiday so she couldnt just tell her today.
it will be good that we’ll have someone to talk to while they are both on holiday. im so happy about that. i know sarah too which helps. we’ve seen her for a couple of sessions last year so she knows us and we know her.
dr. barry is a gem to put this in place for us. i really appreciate that she did that for us.
other than that the rest of the appointment was pretty much uneventful. we’ll see her again in two weeks, and the next time will be the last time before her two week vacation. however, i’m confident now that we’ll be ok and we’ll get through the vacation without any issues.