Well, it looks like I am not going to have as busy a day as I thought! Since I barely got any sleep only about 3 hours, I went back to bed!
Got a call from Karen who is dr. barrys secretary! Dr. barry cant see me today. She got called away apparently. Some emergency came up. Not sure what, but I am sure she’ll tell me next week.
This almost never happens. I think its only ever happened one other time in 5 years! So I know it must have been something big! She wouldnt do this under normal circumstances.
So we wont be seeing her today. We rearranged for next wendesday instead. Which now means my afternoon is completely free, so I am happy about that!
Im planning on taking it easy and resting!
so i saw dr. barry today. and man was I in for a shock.
You see, at the weekend, there was a very bad car crash near where I live. A man was on his way to the airport to catch a flight to the UK. It was 5 AM and the weather was really bad, it was really foggy out and raining heavily and visibility was very poor.
Well he was hit by a taxi driver as he walked on the street. The taxi driver drove off after hitting him. He killed him on impact. Well, why am I saying all this? Well, that guy, he was dr. Lawler, the psychiatrist who treated me four years ago when I was in the locked ward, when dr. barry asked for a second opinion about whether I was suitable to live alone, it was him she asked to assess us. He was a forensic psychiatrist.
What a shock I got! I had heard on the radio that he was a doctor, and they gave his name, and I have to say I kinda went, wow is it him? But then I didnt think any more about it until dr. barry asked me today if I’d heard the news.
I cant believe it! I was so stunned! He was such an incredibly kind man. Such a caring and very very kind doctor. He is really going to be missed by all of his colleagues and patients. He worked in the locked ward, but dr. barry said he also was a part of a lot of other ventures. His family were all in the UK, and that is where he was going, to see them for christmas.
The poor guy. It is so sad that he was killed. And man does it ever go to show that you just never know when something is going to happen to you. You never can tell when today is your last day, or if it will be. Life is so precious. So very precious.
my cpn sarah just called. i’d been having phone sessions with her for the month of october. for some extra support.
she had caught me on my way out from seeing dr. barry last week, and she had told me she’d ring me the next day, but then she forgot. I knew she probably forgot to do it. I had no number to contact her.
But all is good she just called me all apologetic and we had a final session. If I need her again I can link back in with her I just need to be refered which dr. barry can do for me. Her support is good. I like her. She’s friendly and approachable and very kind.
She told me I should be proud o f myself for getting through october, and staying out of hospital. I guess that was a pretty big thing. I am proud that I did that.
Its good that I have her support going forward if I need it. I have a great team of mental health professionals around me. thank goodness for that!
A friend just sent me a text at 4 AM. I know she’s doing badly so I didn’t mind her texting me. I was up anyway so what did it matter?
but then, then she asked me to talk to dr. barry and tell her that she, my friend is very low, and she asked me if I’d tell dr. barry that I was worried about her and afraid she was going to do something to herself.
Just to clarify, me and her have the same psychiatrist…that is, dr. barry.
I didn’t know what to say. I did not want to talk to dr. barry about her.
Plus I don’t think dr. barry would actually discuss her with me! You know like, I could say it to dr. barry that she’s low, but I doubt dr. barry will want to talk about it with me! And that is how it should be!
I told her this. I did tell her I’d tell dr. barry that she wasn’t doing very well. I am not happy she has put me in that position though!
She had an apt yesterday with the team, she missed it. It is not my fault if she misses her apts!
I know she doesn’t always see dr. barry though. And I do. So maybe she thinks by me talking to dr. barry for her that dr. barry will then do something for her?
I think she wants to go into hospital! She said as much to me in the text.
I guess Im just frustrated. Why am I always s put in awkward positions by her?
I think another talk about boundaries is in order!
She knows she should not ask, I know she knows as she said to me in the text, I hate asking you but…
Just feel so frustrated!
What would you do in my position?
so some of you know I’ve been trying to contact my partner jess for a while now. She is in a long term residential psychiatric facility in Illinois. She’s been there for 3 years. I wasn’t able to get in touch with her lately, the phones were not being answered. Finally tonight I was able to talk to her.
She’s doing well. She has been ill, she had chicken pox and was in isolation for a week. I had sent a card which she never got. I don’t know why or what happened to it!
She said she’d sent me a letter by snail mail, but I never got it either. Wonderfing now where our mail is going!
She told me she’s started with a new therapist. She likes her which is good. Her old therapist retired, she’d been seeing her for 21 years, she retired and never even said goodbye to her.
Jess has did also like me. She’s not blind though, she’s sighted.
Anyway. It felt so good to talk to her. I am glad I got to do that tonight. We feel a lot better now knowing she’s ok.
I can go to bed happy in the knowledge that she’s safe, and doing well.
its emily. i just got back from our apt with dr. barry. i got to talk to her today. that was nice. i really love talking to her.
i told her how difficult the last few days have been for me and my insiders. i told her about lisa, and how last week she’d been so suicidal and how eileen helped us through that.
we talked about symptoms and therapy in general. we also talked a little about our memories. and about how some insiders cant accept that people would love them and how they find it difficult to accept that they are more than their trauma.
Dr. Barry was very sympathetic. She said its difficult for the insiders. They have a lot to cope with every day. They go through a lot of ver conflicting feelings about so many things.
It was a good conversation. I felt that Dr. Barry really understood us. She does anyway, but today I just felt she was really getting it, really getting how hard things can be for us.
She said despite all that we’re doing amazingly well. She told me she’s proud of us for continuing to cope despite all the difficulties we are having.
I’m glad I got to talk to her today. It felt so good to just be able to tell her things. I felt understood and validated.
So I just went to get my 3 montly shot of trevicta. They weighed me and they said I am 90 KG. When I got weighed at my last appointment 3 months ago I weighed 94 KG. That thrills me that I’ve lost 4 KG in 3 months. I am so delighted about that. Its great progress! The nurse told me that the next time I get my shot which will be in December, I’ll probably have to go down to the smaller sized needle. She said since I am losing weight they’ll have to adjust the needle size as well. She said they’d be weighing me again at my next appointment, and to make sure that they did do it if it was a different person giving me the shot. When I started losing weight back in Febuary I was 104 KG. Now I am 90. Wow! That’s just amazing. Its the lowest weight I’ve ever been well in a good couple of years. Probably its my lowest weight since around 2006. Here’s to losing another 4 KG over the next 3 months. For those who want to know what 90 KG equals in pounds, its 198 pounds. I’m smashing my weight loss goals, yay. 🙂 😀 ❤