So I just got done seeing dr. barry! We had a fantastic appointment! But thats the norm for us!
I had so much to tell her!
I told her about my smear test coming back clear, and she was really pleased for me. She encouraged me not to stress about the upcoming appointment to the clinic so for now I am not going to worry too much about it! It wont be for a few weeks yet, so I have time to prepare!
We talked about meds, and she asked me about the clonadine, how was it going for me taking it. I told her its working out really well. I am happy with how its working out. My anxiety has lessened since I’ve been taking it. And I am mostly sleeping a little better, I am now sleeping for around 4 to 5 hours when I do sleep, and I am having less nightmares too. She was really happy to hear how well the med is working out. She gave me another script for 2 more weeks supply of the med. We’ll review it when I next see her. We didnt increase it today, she is going to see how I do on it for another 2 weeks before we think about upping the dose.
I told her we didnt see eileen this week because of her being ill. We talked about the stress I felt at eileen being ill. I was also telling her about the kids, how much they worried about eileen and how their worry filtered through to me but that I was also worried and now that eileens ok again I am less stressed and just so relieved.
Then I told her my big news! About my trip to the USA next year! She couldnt believe I was going and she was really excited for me! It was so cute! She was like, Carol anne, I dont think you’ve been to the states since I’ve been your doctor have you? I had to think but no, I havent! The last time I went to america was in the summer of 2013, and I didnt start seeing dr. barry until november of that year.
She then told me that the nurse that was giving me my shot had left, and a new nurse was now administering the shots. She said if I wanted to she’d introduce her to me. So I said I’d like that. She left the room to see if the nurse, whose name is Kay, was still there, she was, and she came in to meet me. She knew me, but I didnt remember her. But she said she had worked in the hospital some years ago on nights, and she’d met me while I was an in patient. I had no memory of ever meeting her! But she seems nice. I’m glad we’ve met, it makes getting my shot from her easier to deal with and I wont be stressing over a new person giving it to me!
Somehow then dr. barry and I got on to talking about psychiatrists, and my former psychiatrist. That was interesting. We had a long conversation about my teen years in the mental health system, and she told me that my then psychiatrist dr. Mccarthy who was my first ever psychiatrist when I was in my teens, has now retired. I always liked dr. Mccarthy, she was a nice doctor and she was easy to get along with.
So yeah, a heavy apt, loaded with much chat, and lots to talk through. It was good though and we made another one for 2 weeks time. When dr. barry walked me to the front entrance to get my taxi, I told her as we were walking to the entrance about nitro retiring, as I forgot to tell her while we were in our appointment. So then we had a further conversation about that.
We’re coming up on our six year anniversary, it is in a few weeks, she’ll have been my doctor for six years this coming november, wow, how that time has flown, I’ve grown a lot since we started our work together, I am so glad she’s my psychiatrist, I couldnt ask for a better doctor.
I havent talked to my partner jess in weeks. I wish I could. I have tried calling her. But the facility she’s at they dont seem to answer the phone. I guess I’ll just have to keep on trying until someone answers it. I get disheartened though. I’m sure she thinks I dont care, or I cant be bothered to call. Nothing is further from the truth. I miss her so much. I miss all of their system. Its hard though when she’s in that residential facility. Things have changed so much, our relationship has changed so much. She’s been there almost 5 years now. 5 long years. Thats a long time. And honestly? I dont know if she’s ever coming out of there. I just dont know. She doesnt know either. Part of me thinks she wont. Its very tough to see her be in there. Our kids dont understand why their mommy, because jess was a mom to them, they just dont understand why they cant see her, talk to her, hear her read to them. Its heartbreaking. I hope we get to talk soon. I just miss our long talks, where we’d put the world to rights. Our deep conversations. I miss those.
Ashley who blogs at mental health home, has written an amazing book, and I thought I’d promote it for her!
I think its a must have for anyone dealing with a mental illness, or anyone who has a loved one who has a mental illness.
Here is a blurb about the book.
Making Sense of Psychiatric Diagnosis: Understanding the DSM-5 covers the DSM-5 criteria for a variety of mental illnesses, including what’s involved in making a diagnosis, the symptom criteria for each diagnosis, and an explanation of what the various symptoms actually look like.
In order to give a clearer picture of what different psychiatric diagnoses are actually like to live with, the book includes first-hand accounts from people who have actually experienced each diagnosis.
With the fusion of diagnostic information, clinical experience, and lived experience, this book offers a unique, well-rounded perspective on the reality of mental illness.
Its available to buy in paperback from amazon, or on kindle, or for a cheaper price from Ashleys website, the link is below.
I’ve also attached the cover of the book to this post!
So go on, what are you waiting for, go out and buy this great book, it will make a great addition to your bookshelves.
I am having a quiet day at home. I am glad for the rest. I didnt go to bed until after 5 AM, I wanted to be asleep, but it just wasnt coming. So at around 3:30 I lay down, but I didnt fall asleep until well after 5 AM. I slept until around 8:30, then I got up and fed nitro, had a cup of tea and decided to go back to bed for a while longer. I was able to get another 2 hours of sleep which was nice. The phone woke me. It was the nurse who gives me my 3 monthly shot, apparently I was due to get it today but I forgot about it. It was fine though, I can get it next week. I cant believe I forgot about it. Mom came over to my house for about an hour. She cleaned up the dog poop, and did a few other bits for me. It was nice to see her. I had my lunch while she was here. Now I’m feeling tired again, not sure why that is. My PA will be here at 5:30 this evening. We’re going to take Nitro out for a long walk. He needs a good run. He hasnt been getting much exercise lately so it will be good for him to go out for a long walk. I might take another nap before she arrives. I feel like I need one.
So yesterday, my CPN sarah, CPN which stands for community psychiatric nurse, phoned me for a check in. Dr. Barry had asked her to do that, since she wasnt able to see me this week. It was a 10 minute phone call. We talked about how I was doing, and managing eileens break. She congratulated me on managing so well. She said I always try my best to cope, that meant a lot to me that she saw that and noticed it. We talked about my sleep, and I told her I am taking the haldol when I dont sleep for more than 2 or 3 nights, she said that was the right thing to do. I made sure to tell her my sleep patters are all off, and I hope she’ll write it in my notes so dr. barry will know before I see her next week. We also talked about slimming world. She asked how I am doing with that, am I still going, and I told her I was. We’re not planning to check in again before Eileens return, but she did offer that if I am struggling I can call and leave a message for her, thats nice to know I can do that, I probably wont have to but its nice to know the offer is there.
Saw Dr. Barry this afternoon. It was a good apt. When she came to get me, she was quiet. I wondered if there was something wrong. When we got into her office, she said you dont look good. Are you ok? I told her no, I am not. I am really not ok at all. She said to me that actually, she hadnt known who was out and so when she’d come to get me she wasnt sure if it was me Carol anne, so thats why she’d been super quiet. That figures. I said its definitely me, and she laughed and said yes, as soon as you started talking I knew that it was you. That kinda floored me. How well she knows us, to know that it is me. How does she even do that? Eileen is the same. She can tell when we’re switching. Anyway. We talked about symptoms. I told dr. barry how low we’ve been. How we are feeling like shit. How we’ve been working with allie in therapy lately, on her memories, and that seems to be having an awful effect on us. She listened intently to me. She asked me about daily functioning. How I am doing day to day, if I am getting to do the things I normally do. I told her I was but that its a struggle. I told her I never went volunteering last Friday or yesterday because I just couldnt face it. I told her I had started the prozac, but that I only started it last friday. She said its a pity I hadnt started it sooner as it take a couple weeks to really start working. I told her there had been a problem with getting my prescription. But that I am on it now and making a huge effort to take it every day and take it regularly. She said thats important. I told her I am barely sleeping. That I can sleep for short periods and I am taking the sleep when I can get it. She offered to give me haldol to help with the sleep. She gave me one weeks supply of it. 5 MG tablets. She said the next time I come back we’d renew it then if I need to. She said if the haldol isnt doing anything for me that I can go back on fenergan again. I asked her if haldol or fenergan makes you groggy, which one was more likely to make you more groggy in the morning, and she said the fenergan. That makes me not want to take it as I hate that groggy feeling. So I left her office with my prescription for haldol. I hope it works. We talked a lot about the depression and about the dissociation and about therapy with Eileen. I was telling her about the work Eileens been doing with us. Filling her in on that. We made another apt for 2 weeks time. I hope I feel better by then and I hope the prozac will have kicked in by then. I think she’s going to increase it to 40 MG at our next apt. But it was a productive appointment. I got a lot off my chest and for that I am grateful.
We missed our apt with dr. barry last week. Felt too sick and couldn’t get there. We got another apt for next Wednesday, the 22nd. I’m glad we got it for that day as we need to also get our shot on that day.
I hate missing my appointments. I really should have gone, as on that particular week, Eileen was away on her weeks training. So I had no support and really could have used dr. barrys support.
Plus also, she always has good perspective on things. And I do have a lot we need to talk about. I need to talk about my low mood, meds, dissociation and depression etc with her. That is going to have to wait now until next week though.
Im sure it will be an eventful apt. It will be a lengthy one also I bet.
Its actually been or it will be by the time we see her next, 5 weeks since we’ve seen her, that’s the longest we’ve ever gone without seeing her since we started seeing her in 2013.
And I didn’t think we could go that long. I’m proud of us for getting through that many weeks without an apt with her.