Gonna have a therapy session with Eileen tomorrow!

So Eileen just called us! She said we’ve been on her mind a lot, and she wanted to know if we were free tomorrow to have a session then.
We jumped at the chance to do that!
She spoke to Allie too, because Allie had sent her a text to ask her if she was mad at us. Of course the answer was no!
So we’re going to see her tomorrow at 12:30 and we’ll have a good chat then!
Everything seems to be going good for us with our team all being so supportive and first today dr. barry rang us, and then eileen called us to fit us in even after we couldnt do our monday session!
I am so thankful to have such an amazing, incredible supportive team around me!
Eileen is just the best! I love that she thinks of us even outside of our session time with her.
We are incredibly lucky to have such an attuned therapist!
And Allie is happy now too and she’s stopped worrying!

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Eileens advice to us regarding parts anger

I spoke to Eileen yesterday evening, she rang me back after I texted her and asked her if she could call me. We talked about how angry parts are, and I told her it doesnt feel like anything I’ve experienced before. It feels very different. She said its because its authentic anger, and not the acting out kind. Thats why it feels different. Then she gave us some great advice.
When you feel that the anger is getting overwhelming, pretend you have a balloon, and blow all of the anger into it. Pretend your blowing up the balloon, and all of your angry feelings are going inside of the balloon. Then tie it up and allow the kids to let it go. Tell the kids they can let as many balloons go as they want, and have them count the balloons for me.
The kids loved that idea. Actually I did too. We are going to try it. Eileen reiterated how far I’ve come, since I dont act out my anger nowadays, I wanted to yesterday because I felt so overwhelmed. But I thought it through and I didnt do anything, I didnt even know what I felt like doing, I just felt so overwhelmed and the anger I was feeling was building and so I wanted to do something to get rid of it. I am glad I texted eileen instead though. She said she was glad I did that too. She praised me for reaching out to her.
We had a great chat and afterwords I was able to go watch some tv and then I went to bed early and I actually slept for about 5 hours straight, I feel good now and I am feeling a lot better about things.

Awake, well fuck

2:47 and I am wide awake. My sleep is totally screwed up. I had hardly any sleep last night, as you all know, and then today I was busy, so I didn’t have a chance to rest until almost 5 PM.

I went to lie down at around 4:30. I was so exhausted that I fell into a deep sleep. I woke around 7:30. I had arranged a check in call with Eileen at 8, so I stayed up then.

Me and Eileen did talk briefly for a few minutes. And she talked to Emily, Emily told her about what she’d done. We decided that they’d talk properly tomorrow, that was fine, basically it was just a quick call so that Em could tell her what she’d been doing.

After my call, I fell back to sleep until 9:45. I’ve been up on and off since then. I did sleep again a little bit but now I am wide awake. Nitro woke me up at 1 AM to go outside, that is a kinda trigger for us, but I managed it, I let him out.

Tomorrow I’m busy also, I have my PA coming at 9, I have my weigh in at slimming world in the morning, I’m nervous about it, don’t think I’ll be down, not sure, if I am it will be a bonus.

I’m not working today because of going to therapy in the afternoon. I have therapy at 4:30. I’ll have a little free time between when my PA leaves at 11:30 and when I have to leave to go to therapy at 4 PM.

I should try harder not to nap by day, but when I am tired, I am tired, and if I am not doing something, I fall asleep. Its just too easy to do, especially if I go to bed, and am wrapped up underneath my fluffy blanket.

Eileen and our check in!

So Eileen and us are on a therapy break. But we’re still able to email her and we’ve also been texting her. We texted her on Christmas day to wish her a merry Christmas, and she did of course text us back and wished us a nice day and told us to stay well. On Monday we had a bit of a phone check in, because some of the kids had been emailing her during the night on Sunday night. She was going grocery shopping, and on her way home she phoned us, we were napping when the call came in, but of course as soon as we heard our phone ring and saw it was Eileen, we rushed to pick up her call. We chatted for about 20 minutes. She told us all about the hour and 15 minutes she’d spent in a line at the grocery store, to try to calm us down, as we were very anxious and panicking. Hearing her tell us about her day was nice. And it did calm us right down! We talked about Christmas and what we were planning to do for it. We did an exercise where we contained our memories, and it worked until tonight when some memories started seeping through. I wish we’d been able to get the containment exercise to work for longer. We didn’t arrange another check in but I know if we need to we can just text Eileen and ask her for a check in, I’m sure she’d say yes to us. If we don’t talk again before the 7th that’s ok too. We can always text or email. I’m so happy about that. Being able to put our thoughts in an email, or text if we’re in crisis, means the world to all of us. It makes the break much more bearable. Much more manageable also.

check in with Eileen

So finally we got to check in with Eileen!
She’s in good spirits!
She said she still doesn’t know when she’ll be home though! She’s waiting on her relative to be transferred to a hospital in cork. They are waiting on a bed. So far though there are no beds in the hospitals here. So its just a waiting game now!
She said as soon as she knows more she’ll text me!
We arranged to have another phone check in next weekend! In the meantime if she gets home sooner than that she’s going to text me to let me know!
We talked about how we’ve been, and she was able to reassure the kids that she’s committed to our work together, she told us to try not to worry about her and about our sessions, that she is coming back and we will definitely continue our work together!
I am so glad to know that!
It was reassuring to talk to her!
I’m glad we did.

A surprise phone call

A weird thing happened today. I was napping and my phone rang. It was my landline, that is unusual, most people phone my mobile.

I answered it, and a lady from the organisation that funds my therapy was on the line. She told me she was phoning me to check in.

Eileen had to tell them that we hadn’t been doing any therapy for a few weeks because of her being stuck in spain. So they were ringing me to make sure I was ok, and that I wasn’t struggling.

I got a big surprise as I wasn’t expecting that. She told me that they have a helpline I can ring if I am struggling and need extra support. I knew about their helpline but I never thought to call it.

Its good to know I have that option. I am glad to know its there.

We talked for about 15 minutes. Just about everyday things, like the weather, tv, dogs, not serious things. I felt much better after our chat. The ladys name was margo. She was extremely nice.

She said she’d phone again next week, and she’d continue to phone until I started back to therapy with Eileen.

I heard from sarah, my CPN

So finally I heard from sarah. She called this afternoon. We talked and that was good. It felt good to be able to talk to someone finally. Sarah helped me see that I am doing my best, I am trying hard, and she said it was good that I went to my parents for the weekend. We talked about my symptoms, and she said she was going to leave a note for dr. barry, and that she’d probably read it before she sees me next week. She told me she’s going on holidays tomorrow, but that the other CPN Alison will be covering for her, I know Alison, not as well as I know sarah, but I do know her. She asked me if I wanted alison to call me the week after next, to check in, and I said I did. So next week I’ll see dr. barry and the following week I’ll have a call from Alison, then hopefully by then eileen will be back. If she’s not, sarah will continue to support me until she comes back. And I’m happy about that. I like her. She’s easy to talk to. I think you need that when your really struggling, someone who validates and listens without judging. I had told eileen that sarah hadnt contacted me, so then when she did, I texted her back again and told her I heard from her. I still havent heard from Eileen, but I know she’s probably up the walls busy with her family member being ill. She’ll contact me when she has a chance to do it. I’m not worrying that I havent heard anything. I know she cares, and is just busy and once things have calmed for her she’ll be in touch with me.

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