Jasmine suicide rambles

I just want to die. How come no one understands? I constantly feel like death is the only answer. Its horrible to wake up every day feeling suicidal. I tried to have fun last weekend, and I sorta did, but once I got home the horrible suicidal feelings returned. Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy. Maybe my life isnt meant to turn around. Our therapist says once I talk about the memories, let them go, that I will feel better. I am beginning to doubt that very much. Now that I have started sharing in therapy the flood gates have opened. Does it get worse before it gets better? Can anyone tell me? I dont think I can do this for much longer. I just want an end to the pain.