Attachment pain is ugly

I feel like shit. I cant stop crying.
the pull towards suicide is so strong. I wont do anything, but god do I want to. I really fucking want to tonight.
I don’t know where this suicidal stuff and feelings came from. I was ok earlier. more than ok.
right now I long to be wrapped in my therapists arms.
embraced in her warmth and love. embraced in a safe hug with her.
its late…almost midnight. I should go to bed. I should switch off for the night.
but I cant. I am feeling so overwhelmed. im in a state of sadness, insecurity, fearful, overwhelm.
This is the pain of attachment, its raw, its ugly, its horrendous.
I think I need to go read. Do something other than overthink. Other than wish. Other than cry.
Good night world