ug i feel awful. i woke up after a nap feeling bla. head hurting. achy. pain and weakness. dizziness too. it is horrible. i drank some water to try to feel better. mom said i might be dehydrated. it helped. but i still feel yuck. and i feel teary and emotional and very overwhelmed too. my mood is still kinda low. i am just not feeling it tonight. i just feel sad, overwhelmed and it feels awful.
I’M SO TRIGGERED RIGHT NOW. I CANT SLEEP. I HAVE BEEN UP FOR A WHILE. I WOKE UP SHAKING AND FEELING SO ANXIOUS.
I THINK I’LL STAY UP FOR A WHILE. MAYBE EVEN START MY DAY. EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT 6 AM HERE YET.
I NEED TO TRY TO DISTRACT MYSELF. I FEEL AGITATED, EDGY, ANXIOUS, OVERWHELMED, AND UNSETTLED. I HATE FEELING THIS WAY.
IS ANYONE AWAKE?
i filin so sad
i very sad today
not like be here at home alon
i siting wif liz now
her help me writ this
her is in a bad mood tho
grumpy liz i be callin her ahaha
ok i smild a litle now
but is skary be here
i be hear peple oteside
and i fraid
wat if someone com in here
in ar house
and someon go get me
no want that hapen
fink i go colir now
mabe i can mak a art fing for eileen
miss eileen today
want her to be here
miss her voise and hugs
ok going go mak a picter for her
adelle im four
OmG guys. I am so edgy. Not feeling good at all. Its flashback central around here.
I woke up at around 4. I couldn’t go back to sleep so got up. I had only lay down at 1. I slept very fitfully. Dreatm a lot. Bad dreams too. Sucks.
Its cold so I put on my heating. I will just chill out until 9 AM now. My PA will be coming then. If it stays dry outside I am definitely going to the gym. We can walk there. I need the exercise badly.
I made a nice cup of flavoured coffee. I know that wont do anything for my weight loss but right now I don’t care. I just needed some comfort. I feel agitated. I also feel emotional, very very emotional.
Hoping it passes soon. I’m not up for feeling bad all day.
Today is a ritual holiday. So its a bad day for us.
I’m sitting here, feeling terrible. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am trying not to think about what today is.
Its the fall equinox. I hate it. Everything about this date triggers fear and sadness, pain and upset in me.
I hope I can get through it. I hope we’ll be ok.
At least we aren’t home, so nobody can get to us. We’re at our parents house. We’re safe at least.
Safe physically, but mentally? Mentally we’re a mess.
So many emotions and feelings. So much chaos inside. So much overwhelm.
Pray, if you pray guys. Pray we’ll get through it.
ITS ME, LIZ. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL SO OVERWHELMED. NOT SURE WHY OR WHAT IS GOING ON FOR ME BUT I JUST FEEL LIKE CRAP. I WANT TO QUIT LIFE. IT JUST CAME ON ME ALL OF A SUDDEN THESE THOUGHTS. I THINK I’M JUST FEELING A LOT OF INTERNAL PRESSURE RIGHT NOW. PRESSURE TO MANAGE THINGS AND DO IT SUCCESSFULLY. IM SURE I’LL BE FINE. IM SURE I WILL GO TO THERAPY LATER THIS MORNING AND ALL WILL BE WELL, I’LL TALK TO EILEEN AND PROBABLY FEEL BETTER. BUT FOR RIGHT NOW, THINGS FEEL SHITTY.
still not asleep. feeling edgy. irritable. a little overwhelmed, think the overwhelm and irritability is liz’s though, not my own feelings.
Have the radio on for company. Turned off the tv cause there wasnt anything good on it. Tried to read but couldnt concentrate.
This really sucks. Sucks doesnt even begin to cover it.