Meds update

so i talked with dr. barry about my med situation. remember we were having trouble taking them?
well i told her about it. and she was very understanding. she said we’d just keep an eye on it.
so we’re doing that. she offered to increase my prazosin but i said no. for right now i dont want to increase it any more, im on 3 mg and i want to stay at that dose for now.

WAITING FOR MY HEAD TO JUST EXPLODE

MY HEAD FEELS SO FULL I AM WAITING FOR IT TO EXPLODE. LITERALLY. EVERYTHING IS GETTING TO ME. I JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMED. OF COURSE ITS NIGHT TIME AND I HATE THAT. I AM TIRED BUT UNABLE TO SLEEP. IN FACT I AM EXHAUSTED. I SLEPT EARLIER FOR ABOUT 2 HOURS. IM STILL SICK SO YEAH FEELING CRAPPY. MY THROAT HURTS AND I AM COUGHING AND MY NOSE IS STILL ALL BLOCKED UP. I TOOK SOME MEDS AND AM HOPING THIS CRAP GOES AWAY SOON. I HATE BEING SICK. ITS SO TRIGGERY TO US TO BE ILL. AND UNABLE TO BREATHE PROPERLY. EVEN IF I COULD SLEEP I’M AFRAID TO GO TO SLEEP. I DONT WANT TO HAVE NIGHTMARES. AND I’M PRETTY SURE I WILL HAVE THEM. UG THIS JUST SUCKS.
LIZ

Daily prompt: Betrayed

My body has betrayed me
look, can you see?
each day I fight
with all of my might
but each day, my body betrays
in every way
triggered by trauma dreams
things are never as they seem
look closely
you will see
a quivering mess
that is me!
because
my body, my body
betrays me
and no matter what i try to do
how i try to get a clue
i’m still left
with this mess
to try to fix
will I ever heal
in order to heal I have to feel
or so they tell me…
but…
I’m just left with
A lot of unanswered questions
and with each passing day
my body, it betrays
carol anne

bla bla bla

i’m feeling so bla right now. apathy is setting in. i hate it. i’m starting to feel like i’m crashing. depression sucks. it really fucking does.
i cant sleep. its 3 AM and I cant sleep.
I’m afraid of going to sleep. I dont want to have nightmares.
I dont want to be feeling depressed and apathetic.
ok, carol anne, think of 3 positives.

1 nitro loves me
2 i’m warm and cosy in my nice house. i’m safe.

3 i’m emailing with friends and thats nice.