Dr. barry and new meds

I just saw dr. barry. We had a good appointment. I will be starting a new med. I am starting clonidine.

Dr. barry said that clonidine is being used in the US for ptsd, sleep, anxiety, ADHD in children, and other uses also. She said its not really used here, its an off license med. But it is available. So she’s going to try me on it. She’s starting me with the lowest dose, which is 0.1 mg. We’re going to try that for 2 weeks. Then when I see her in 2 weeks she’ll re-evaluate. And if all goes well she’ll increase it.

We talked about my anxiety, and I asked her if we could reintroduce lyrica again, but she said she’d prefer to just introduce one med at a time. She said its not good practice to introduce a few meds at the same time. She asked me if I’d prefer to deal with my anxiety now, and deal with the ptsd symptoms and sleep issues later. I said no. The PTSD symptoms are hard to deal with and I want some relief from them.

Then she had another look and she said that clonidine is used to treat anxiety also, in some cases. So it may help me with that too. She told me to watch out for dizziness, a drop in my blood pressure, and dry mouth. Those are the main side effects that I am to watch out for. She gave me a script for 2 weeks worth of the med. I am nervous about starting it. I hope it will go well. I cant actually start it until Friday night, since I wont have the med until then. In a way that’s good, it means I’ll be at my parents for the weekend when I start it, that way if my blood pressure does drop I am not on my own. I’m just happy to have found a med to take that looks like its a good option. Its really good news.

To be normal, what is that?

A long night
Filled with horrific dreams
Terror knows no bounds
A long night
Filled with pain
The awful pain
Of horrific night terrors
A long night
Where sleep doesn’t come
And being awake
Fearful, crying
Feels horrendous
A long night
Long, long night
Where all I want
Is some normality?
But…
Normality?
Whats that?
I guess I wont ever know

working on us week 13, sleep issues!

tonight for beckys working on us prompt, I am going to write a narrative, not exactly following the rules, but oh well. It is what it is, I just felt like writing down my thoughts on sleep and the issues surrounding it.
I dont sleep well at all. I suffer from dreadful insomnia. I also suffer from racing thoughts and super bad anxiety at night. I get intrusive flashbacks, nightmares, and really worrying thoughts, my mind goes 100 miles a minute at night. As soon as it gets dark, it starts. If I get 2 or 3 hours of sleep at night, its a lot. I do get a good night every now and then, but I have to be extremely exhausted for that to happen. Usually after 3 or 4 days of little to no sleep, I will crash hard, and it catches up with me.
I’ve tried a lot of things to help me sleep. Usually when I am unable to sleep I will write, I listen to music or watch tv or I read. I also sometimes take a hot shower, showering helps me calm down, and whenI write or journal it is theraputic.
I do take medication also to help me sleep. It mostly doesnt work though. I take fenergan and prazosin although the prazosin is going to be a no go soon and so I will move on to another med instead.
My symptoms always seem worse at night. I wish this wasnt the case. I know sleep is important so I do try to get it when I can.

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My insomnia is bad!

Okaaay! Its back! My insomnia!
I thought I’d be free of it since I got two good nights of sleep lately! But no! I am not!
To say I am unhappy is an understatement!
I am miffed! I hate this! I really, really hate not being able to sleep!
I am so tired! I didnt drink much coffee today either! Just had one cup this morning!
I am having racing thoughts, they are really bad!
I am just not able to slow my mind down! Its horrible! I did lie down for an hour, with the TV on, to try to sleep but nothing. I was hoping I’d fall asleep to the sound of the tv!
I have to have some background noise, I cant have just silence!
I think its going to be a long night!
Ug sigh!
I suppose onen good thing is if I am not asleep it means I wont have any nightmares! For that I am glad about!

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3TC Pl 119

Welcome to the Three Things Challenge. Every day at 10PM (PST) I will post three seemingly unconnected things that will, hopefully, ignite your muse. You
don’t have to use all three things if you don’t want to. There are no restrictions on length, style, genre, or anything. Simply read the prompt, see where
your muse takes you, and bring us along for the ride. Use 3TC as a tag if you’d like and link back to this prompt, or post your link in the comments below so others can find you.

Happy Writing!
😀

Today’s prompt: hug, courage, paprika

******

I hug my pillow tightly

I try to be courageous

and have courage but I am so scared

I awoke from a nightmare

I stare

Open mouthed

Heart racing

Arms flailing

Anxiety rising

Then, all of a sudden

My dog comes to greet me

His soft fur feels warm and cosy

I nestle into his soft fur

My head resting on his neck

All thoughts of nightmares gone

For a fleeting moment

I have a responsibility to nitro

I need to see that he’s ok

This keeps me distracted

Until the feelings disapate

And once again

I feel ok

and can start my day

Feeling happy and content

https://lightmotifs.wordpress.com/2019/06/12/three-things-challenge-pl119/


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Bright light of hope

Emotions run deep
I cant sleep
I try and try
Feel like crying
Tears dont come
Instead they pool
At the edges of my eyes
Threatening to engulf me
Sleep evades me every night lately
I want the comfort of rest
Peace
Peace and serenity
thats all I want
An end to this turmoil
That I am feeling
But an end is not in sight
and I dont think it will be
for a while
so meanwhile
i search
for rest and relaxation
and I hope
for the bright light of hope
to shine on me

Bad dreams

I woke with horrible dreams. Its awful. I cant go back to sleep. I decided to get up.

The dreams were of people hurting us. I wont go into it but needless to say they were very scary.

Now the kids are super scared. They are afraid someone is going to get in to our house and hurt us. I am trying to soothe them. It isn’t working.

I hate, hate bad dreams. I did sleep for about 3 hours though which is something I suppose. Its the most I’ve slept in about 2 weeks.

If anyones around could use a hug and some support.