Fuck fuck!

ANXIETY WOKE US UP! DAMN! DAMN DAMN DAMN!
NOW WE WONT BE ABLE TO FALL BACK TO SLEEP AGAIN!
OMG I AM NOT HAPPY!
MY HANDS ARE SHAKING SO BAD THAT I CAN BARELY TYPE THIS! WELL SHIT!
MY CHEST FEELS SO TIGHT!
MY HEART IS POUNDING!
AND ITS ONLY MIDNIGHT! A WHOLE NIGHT OF THIS? OMG! I CANNOT DEAL!
WE DIDNT HAVE A NIGHTMARE, AT LEAST NOT THAT I AM AWARE OF!
SO WHY?
OMG!

LIZ

#Socs prompt: bad dreams!

I am participating this week in Linda G Hills prompt for socs!

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is dream. Use it as a noun or a verb; use any way youd like. Enjoy!

My night last night was filled with bad dreams! Horrible nightmares! It was pure hell!
I sat up after each one, shaking uncontrollably, too scared to go back to sleep.
I thought to myself, this sucks!
All I wanted was a few uninterrupted hours of sleep! It wasnt to be though!
Instead I was wide awake, stressing!
At least there’s nothing on my agenda today. I can chill!
Happy saturday everyone! And, adios to nightmares and bad dreams!

http://lindaghill.com/2019/11/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-16-19/

Dr. barry and new meds

I just saw dr. barry. We had a good appointment. I will be starting a new med. I am starting clonidine.

Dr. barry said that clonidine is being used in the US for ptsd, sleep, anxiety, ADHD in children, and other uses also. She said its not really used here, its an off license med. But it is available. So she’s going to try me on it. She’s starting me with the lowest dose, which is 0.1 mg. We’re going to try that for 2 weeks. Then when I see her in 2 weeks she’ll re-evaluate. And if all goes well she’ll increase it.

We talked about my anxiety, and I asked her if we could reintroduce lyrica again, but she said she’d prefer to just introduce one med at a time. She said its not good practice to introduce a few meds at the same time. She asked me if I’d prefer to deal with my anxiety now, and deal with the ptsd symptoms and sleep issues later. I said no. The PTSD symptoms are hard to deal with and I want some relief from them.

Then she had another look and she said that clonidine is used to treat anxiety also, in some cases. So it may help me with that too. She told me to watch out for dizziness, a drop in my blood pressure, and dry mouth. Those are the main side effects that I am to watch out for. She gave me a script for 2 weeks worth of the med. I am nervous about starting it. I hope it will go well. I cant actually start it until Friday night, since I wont have the med until then. In a way that’s good, it means I’ll be at my parents for the weekend when I start it, that way if my blood pressure does drop I am not on my own. I’m just happy to have found a med to take that looks like its a good option. Its really good news.

To be normal, what is that?

A long night
Filled with horrific dreams
Terror knows no bounds
A long night
Filled with pain
The awful pain
Of horrific night terrors
A long night
Where sleep doesn’t come
And being awake
Fearful, crying
Feels horrendous
A long night
Long, long night
Where all I want
Is some normality?
But…
Normality?
Whats that?
I guess I wont ever know

working on us week 13, sleep issues!

tonight for beckys working on us prompt, I am going to write a narrative, not exactly following the rules, but oh well. It is what it is, I just felt like writing down my thoughts on sleep and the issues surrounding it.
I dont sleep well at all. I suffer from dreadful insomnia. I also suffer from racing thoughts and super bad anxiety at night. I get intrusive flashbacks, nightmares, and really worrying thoughts, my mind goes 100 miles a minute at night. As soon as it gets dark, it starts. If I get 2 or 3 hours of sleep at night, its a lot. I do get a good night every now and then, but I have to be extremely exhausted for that to happen. Usually after 3 or 4 days of little to no sleep, I will crash hard, and it catches up with me.
I’ve tried a lot of things to help me sleep. Usually when I am unable to sleep I will write, I listen to music or watch tv or I read. I also sometimes take a hot shower, showering helps me calm down, and whenI write or journal it is theraputic.
I do take medication also to help me sleep. It mostly doesnt work though. I take fenergan and prazosin although the prazosin is going to be a no go soon and so I will move on to another med instead.
My symptoms always seem worse at night. I wish this wasnt the case. I know sleep is important so I do try to get it when I can.

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