Shitty nights sleep!

Yeah, I haven’t had a great night. I woke at 4. I wanted to stay asleep so bad. But I couldn’t, so I got up. I went online. Read blogs. Read emails.

I even went to bed early last night, I shut down my computer at 11 PM. That’s early for me. And that was after sleeping for a few hours in the afternoon too. I managed to go to sleep pretty quickly last night. Not even my phone was going to keep me up.

Now if only I could stay asleep once I get there? Will be working on sleep stuff in therapy today. Eileen said she’d help me work on it. Am so looking forward to actually sitting down with her and trying to figure all this sleep stuff out. Hoping if I can my life will get easier and sleep problems will be less.

I woke

From a bad dream. And I am terrified. I cant go back to sleep. I am shaky, I am feeling anxious, I am just, terrified!

God help me!

Someone anyone, are you up and awake?

Could use a friendly word of support if you are!

Nightmares suck!


close your eyes
don’t make a sound
don’t look around
go to sleep
that’s it
relax, breathe
but I cant
why? why not?
bad dreams, don’t you know?
don’t you see?
cant you see how they effect me?
the truth is
nobody can
im all alone
alone on this planet
as I sit
unable to breathe
unable to fight
my demons
they linger
as I sit
as I sit and ponder
what to do next
my head is full
full of worries and fears
these worries and fears
have been here for years
they aren’t going anywhere
for now though
for now…
I will go make a cup of tea
and I will try
to just be
to sit
and try to not quit!

#whatif prompt 20.10.18

Today’s #whatif prompt:

floating fantasy

Feel free to respond in your favorite way whether it be a poem, short story, photo, video . . however you best relate to the prompt. Simply post your ideas, create a ping-back and use the hashtag #whatif.

A floating fantasy
For me
Is to be
Free from nightmares
Night terrors
And free from the claws
Of pain, pain
That tends to drive me insane
Free from it all
For just one night
I would love it
And I would be
Full of happiness
Floating on air
But that my friends
That is just a floating fantasy
For me
Since it just is not
The way it is
On most nights
On most nights
Nightmares call
Night terrors send me
Reeling in fear
For what feels like


Dont worry, Its just a bad dream…

eyes wide open
heart beats wildly in my chest
middle of the night
sweaty palms
a pounding heart
glazed eyes
as i try
not to remember
bad dreams they suck
so so much
going over in my head
i fear, i dread
what will happen
if I allow my mind
to go there?
or should I
Who cares?
and just do it
Just sit
Let my mind take me
Take me back
to that place
no! No! I shouldnt!
Ok, I tell myself…
try to breathe
and try to go back to sleep
tomorrow, things will look different


Good morning

Its 5 AM, just woke up, wasn’t able to go back to sleep so got up.

My cup of coffee is ready to drink now, sitting here with it in the peace and quiet of the early morning.

I’m happy I got around 3 hours of sleep. Maybe 4, think I went to bed around 1 AM, woke once, but was able to go right back to sleep again.

Things are quiet on the inside this morning. Mostly that’s cuz nobodys up yet. For once I am alone with my thoughts, that’s so rare.

It was hard to get the kids to sleep last night. Hard to get them to go to bed. They fought me on it. Eventually they went around 10 Pm though. I had to bribe them lol.

I had to let them write Eileen first, before they actually went off to bed. Write her to say good night. They were happy once I did that.

We didn’t have any nightmares, which is a positive.

Question of the day

Do you dream? If you do do you remember your dreams? Are they vivid?

My dreams are mostly vivid. sometimes I have night terrors and nightmares. I always almost always remember my dreams.
I hate that. I’d rather not remember them.
How about you?