Dont worry, Its just a bad dream…

eyes wide open
heart beats wildly in my chest
middle of the night
sweaty palms
a pounding heart
glazed eyes
as i try
not to remember
bad dreams they suck
so so much
going over in my head
i fear, i dread
what will happen
if I allow my mind
to go there?
or should I
say…
Who cares?
and just do it
Just sit
Let my mind take me
Take me back
to that place
no! No! I shouldnt!
Ok, I tell myself…
try to breathe
and try to go back to sleep
tomorrow, things will look different

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Good morning

Its 5 AM, just woke up, wasn’t able to go back to sleep so got up.

My cup of coffee is ready to drink now, sitting here with it in the peace and quiet of the early morning.

I’m happy I got around 3 hours of sleep. Maybe 4, think I went to bed around 1 AM, woke once, but was able to go right back to sleep again.

Things are quiet on the inside this morning. Mostly that’s cuz nobodys up yet. For once I am alone with my thoughts, that’s so rare.

It was hard to get the kids to sleep last night. Hard to get them to go to bed. They fought me on it. Eventually they went around 10 Pm though. I had to bribe them lol.

I had to let them write Eileen first, before they actually went off to bed. Write her to say good night. They were happy once I did that.

We didn’t have any nightmares, which is a positive.

Question of the day

Do you dream? If you do do you remember your dreams? Are they vivid?

My dreams are mostly vivid. sometimes I have night terrors and nightmares. I always almost always remember my dreams.
I hate that. I’d rather not remember them.
How about you?

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Poetry

swirling whirling
my mind keeps twirling
a storm is approaching
prepare for impact
i sit
rooted to the spot
as internal chaos rages on
wonder how I will survive this
but knowing I always do
will it be different this time?
probably not
my head feels so foggy
i feel sick and groggy
stand up, sit down
what to do now?
lie here thinking
pondering and wondering
will it ever end?

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Meds update

so i talked with dr. barry about my med situation. remember we were having trouble taking them?
well i told her about it. and she was very understanding. she said we’d just keep an eye on it.
so we’re doing that. she offered to increase my prazosin but i said no. for right now i dont want to increase it any more, im on 3 mg and i want to stay at that dose for now.

WAITING FOR MY HEAD TO JUST EXPLODE

MY HEAD FEELS SO FULL I AM WAITING FOR IT TO EXPLODE. LITERALLY. EVERYTHING IS GETTING TO ME. I JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMED. OF COURSE ITS NIGHT TIME AND I HATE THAT. I AM TIRED BUT UNABLE TO SLEEP. IN FACT I AM EXHAUSTED. I SLEPT EARLIER FOR ABOUT 2 HOURS. IM STILL SICK SO YEAH FEELING CRAPPY. MY THROAT HURTS AND I AM COUGHING AND MY NOSE IS STILL ALL BLOCKED UP. I TOOK SOME MEDS AND AM HOPING THIS CRAP GOES AWAY SOON. I HATE BEING SICK. ITS SO TRIGGERY TO US TO BE ILL. AND UNABLE TO BREATHE PROPERLY. EVEN IF I COULD SLEEP I’M AFRAID TO GO TO SLEEP. I DONT WANT TO HAVE NIGHTMARES. AND I’M PRETTY SURE I WILL HAVE THEM. UG THIS JUST SUCKS.
LIZ