I am going to go to bed and try to sleep. I probably wont be able to but I have to try. I am tired, so maybe I’ll surprise myself. I really hope so. It would be nice to get at least 5 or 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. as I think I said earlier, I did nap this afternoon, so I hope that wont mess things up for me. We’ll see. Good night, everyone. Have a great night!
hhihihii its Emily
im just so sad
my heart hurts
ive been crying a lot
I cant stop
I feel numb
and theres a heavy weight too
weighing me down
I cant wait to go to therapy
I don’t like when I feel this way
life feels unmanageable
night time sucks
I hate it
I think i’ll go pet nitro
he makes me happy
hes such a cute dog
love him to bits
Emily age 12
I’m a little calmer now. A cup of tea helped. And I read for 40 minutes. That seemed to do the trick, thank god! I hate anxiety with a passion! It ruins everything, and it attempted to ruin my night tonight but I am pleased to say it didnt succeed!
So yes anxiety you can fuck right off!
I am ok, I am ok, I am ok!
And thats what I will keep telling myself when you come back again as I know you will!
I put the radio on for a while. The house is really quiet, well yeah, obviously it is being that its the middle of the night. But I like a little noise!
I’m just happy I feel ok now again!
7 Am when I finally lay down to try to sleep. I just wasnt able to settle. It wasnt for lack of trying. I did really try hard. But my anxiety was so bad. It was just awful and I just wasnt able to turn off my brain.
Now I am flagging. I got up about an hour ago its now almost 2 PM. I made a coffee and I’m just online reading blogs.
My plan is go to my friends house this afternoon. My friend Norma. Spend a few hours there with her. I need the distraction. Then I’ll come home and make something to eat and hopefully settle in for the night. Luckily I’ve no plans tomorrow either. No plans now until new years eve.
On new years eve we’re going to a pantomime, peter pan. And after that, we’re going for a meal in an asian street food place. Should be nice.
The only thing planned for tomorrow is to go to my weigh in. Even thats making me nervous. I desperately want a good result. I’m just not sure how it will go.
For now though I think another coffee is in order. Tonight I will try to not drink any coffee after 8 PM. Hoping that will make it easier to sleep.
as night falls
and the world sleeps
a frosty chill
is in the air
and you’ll begin
to freeze too
by the winter wind
and watch as
the frost covers
outside your window
in your warm bed
good night world!
I had a restless night. I just couldn’t settle down. I stayed up until 1 AM. Then I was going to read, but I realised I couldn’t plug in my earphones into the case on my phone as its a juice pack and you cant plug earphones into it. So reading went out the window!
I tossed and turned for about an hour. Watched youtube videos on my phone. Listened to my dad, he was in a lot of pain with his bones, so was moaning in pain a lot. I asked him about it this morning and he said he doesn’t remember it. I honestly don’t know how my mom sleeps with him!
Eventually I fell into a deep sleep. I didn’t wake until around 9 AM! I feel better this morning, well beter than I felt last night!
I’ve no plans today. Its going to be a relaxing day. Its damp and rainy outside so I’m not going anywhere. I am just planning on doing a few things on the computer.
I think I’ll start a new book, too!
An eary silence
asI stand at the back door
Waiting for Nitro to do his thing
Listen, do you hear?
I hear nothing
I am so nervous
Not a sound
And in the silence
My heart pound