we gotta hav pancaks
thay was so nummy
we only had lemon juise on ares
that ok tho
they wer stil nise
i likd them
it shrove tuesday
dat why we had them
everone eat pancaks on dis day
atleast that what i know
i fink we be hav them for diner tonite to
THIS IS A SUCKFEST OF A NIGHT.
I SHOULD BE ASLEEP, ITS ALMOST 2 AM
INSTEAD I AM UP RUMINATING
I AM OVERTHINKING AND PANICKING AND ANXIOUS AND FEARFUL
I MADE MYSELF SOME COFFEE, PROB NOT THE BEST IDEA BUT OH WELL IT IS WHAT IT IS
I NEED COFFEE I NEED TO CALM DOWN AND COFFEE HELPS ME CALM DOWN
PANIC IS RINNING RAMPANT THROUGH THE SYSTEM
I WROTE EILEEN AN EMAIL TO TELL HER WHAT IS GOING ON
I THINK ITS TO DO WITH MEMORIES AND BEING SCARED TO SLEEP FOR FEAR OF NIGHTMARES
WE TOOK OUR MEDS EARLY AND ALL HOPING FOR A GOOD NIGHT OF DECENT SLEEP
GOD HAVING DID IS A SUCKFEST SOMETIMES
hihihi it darina
gess wat? ar bigs said we can stay up later tonite
cuz we napped today
that good i fink
i ben wachin youtube
i fink it fun fing to do
ges wat i had for diner
chiken and vegeble and bean casserole
it taste so yummy
it ar first tim have dat
i cant wait until tomoro
cuz it de wekend
and we get to play and come out
and have lotsa fun then
and i hapy bout that
cuz it boring wen we has to let the bigs be growed up all de time
ok wel i gots to go
and i going wach somefin
on net flicks
darina whose six
hi it taylor
in case you forgeted I’m six
we got to have ar own tim today
for 2 hours
we watched cartoons on net flicks
and play a game on the puter
lexi and me and Erika and darina all had time
it was fun
we ar supposed to go inside later on and give the bigs time
for adult things
like adult tv shows
and reading adult stuff
but carol anne says we can lisen to Eileen reading the in my heart book
before we go to bed
it time to brush my teeth
and get ready to go to bed
I am back. Thank god!
Thank you Brooklyn and Amy for keeping this show on the road while I was MIA!
It is thanks to our wonderfully skillful and amazing therapist Eileen that I am back. Amy called her after they exchanged a couple of emails and she was able to get me back. Not sure how she can, but she’s always able to find me and bring me out of whatever non functional state I am in.
I am forever grateful to her for doing that and helping me as I am needed here and it is never a good thing when I am down. But, how i got here?
I was triggered. I recieved a phone call from an unwelcome person. That person set me off. They were able to trigger me by something they said to me. It was not good.
I felt myself going, but could do nothing to stop it. I could feel the dissociation coming on. I could feel the familiar sense of floatiness coming. I knew I was going away.
It was awful. I knew my system needed me and i wanted to stay here for them but I couldnt.
So alls i can say is, thank god for a therapist who knows a lot about did and dissociaition and parts. Thank god she knows what to do in this situation.
Anyway. Alls well again now. Thanks for all of the kind comments from all of you. I’ve just read all of them.
carol annes gone down. being down means being unable to function. she just looks like she’s dead. she isnt, she’s just in a non functional state right now.
she got triggered, this is what caused her to go down.
we’re all hoping its just a temporary thing. she’s been down before. for a long time the last time.
we need her. she is the glue that holds us together. we cant do without her.
i think i need to email eileen, to let her know.
if you pray keep us in your thoughts.
Life is the most precious and forgiving asset we have. No matter how many mistakes we make, if we have the will and determination, it will always give us a second chance, third chance, fourth chance…
Takela R. Pappillion