Morning thoughts

I’ve been awake all night. But I am not tired. In fact I feel energised. Probably because I got so much sleep over the past day and a half. I slept well on wed night, and then slept most of thursday too. So yeah. It feels good to feel so refreshed.
I feel ready to face the day. I am going volunteering later this afternoon. I am looking forward to it.
Time to go have breakfast now.
carol anne


todays Dr. Barry apt

so i saw dr. barry this morning. it went well. we talked about meds. she decided to increase my epilem, which is mainly for my seizures but I also use it for my mood. she said she would write an explicit letter to my gp, because since she is not my primary prescriber of that med she wasnt really comfortable reintroducing it. she did, but she doesnt feel to comfortable doing it. i told her my gp hadnt even rang me, he’d just given me the prescription that dr. barry wrote out. so she’s going to explicitly ask him to review me. she put me up to 800 mg a day of epilem. i was taking 400 at night. she also reintroduced my metformin for my diabetes. and the prazosin also at 3 mg at night. she said she’d leave the rest for now. and i’ll be going back to see her in two weeks for my usual apt. she said there was some new paperwork and guidelines now about the epilem. apparently it causes some foetal syndrome and it is not meant to be prescribed for women of child bearing age. i dont really have to worry about it since my ovaries are gone, and I have no chance of becoming pregnant. but she had to tell me anyway, she said that they dont use it for bipolar hardly now, and she only had one patient whose on it for their mood. since mine is primarily prescribed for epilepsy and only used for mood as a secondary med it doesnt really matter, but she still had to tell me. we talked a little around my surgery to remove my ovaries, she wasnt aware I had had both ovaries removed. she apologised about bringing that up since she knows its a topic i dont like talking about since it involves my not being able to have kids. we talked a little about sleep, I told her my sleep is not great lately, that i am getting around 3 to 4 hours a night if I am lucky. she said hopefully the prazosin will help that. we talked about therapy and i told her eileen is pulling back on working on trauma stuff for right now, that we’re going to work on managing overwhelm and managing feelings. we talked about the social worker mary, mary had spoken to dr. barry at their team meeting, she’d told her we’d met and what she’d been helping me with. so then we talked a little bit about the funding I applied for and that was an interesting conversation. i told her I’d asked mary to help me apply for more PA hours. it was a good apt. I forgot that I was due my depo injection today so didnt bring it with me. so now next tuesday I have to go to the clinic so the nurse who gives the depos can give me my shot.
carol anne



so without going into to much detail, something has just really triggered me.
I’m trying to ignore the trigger. I’ve turned on Irelands got talent and am watching that. Trying to stay distracted.
Not sure its really working but I’m trying at least.
My thoughts are a bit all over the place though. Moods going haywire. Up and down and all around.
I just hope this doesn’t last too long. Damn triggers. I hate them.

not this week

I’m not going to the preschool for work experience this week.
I decided not to go in, because of this headcold. I know its getting better but I’m not fully better yet and I dont want to spread germs and pass whatever I have on to the kids.
Plus also, money is an issue this week. I usually have someone here at abode take me there, and then make my own way home. Unfortunately I dont have enough money to get a taxi home though so even if I had not have been sick, I’d still have had the money issue.
I’ll probably take a half day tomorrow and go home early. and then I have a week off, yay!
Mood wise I feel good right now. Everyones been congradulating me on my weight loss. Its making me feel so good about myself.

we are anxious

so anxiety strikes again. i’m so fed up with it. just when i think i’m beating it it rears its ugly head again. its just irritating. i just wish i could put an end to it, stop it in its tracks. so i guess i’m going to use my distraction techniques again this evening. made some tea, drinking that now. also had a little snuggle time with nitro. eve watched dancing with the stars, and now i’m just reading my email and catching up on blog posts. should probably go to bed early, but i’m not even the slightest bit tired. i think this anxiety is someone else’s inside, about therapy tomorrow. there is a lot going on for some in the system right now, and we’ve been having a lot of intense discussions in therapy lately. so it doesnt surprise me really if i am honest that this anxiety is popping up tonight what with therapy being tomorrow morning.
carol anne


my mood is kind of dipping. i can feel it. i feel dispondent. agitated too. and irritated. i snapped at my dad. he annoyed me. he is so OCD about everything. That irritates me when I am not in a good mood. Mom went to her moms grave with my sister. I asked her to buy me some fruit in lidles while she was out, I need fruit for the week. She said that wasnt a problem she’d do it for me. I feel bad that I couldnt go to my grammas grave, but I just couldnt do it. I just felt too depressed. Being at a grave side wouldnt be good for us right now. I can still talk to my gramma and say a prayer for her, i dont think you have to actually visit the grave to show your love for a deceased person. I surprised my niece today which did make me feel good. I gave her my old net book computer. I got a new computer recently and wasnt using this one so I thought she’d benefit from it. She was thrilled. Giving it to her and seeing her reaction did lift my mood for a little while. I cant believe the weekends almost over. Back to regular routine tomorrow, ILS course, and therapy as well.


I should be asleep. its 3:30 AM. no joy though. i’m wide awake.
I doubt i’ll sleep tonight. that thud of the snow falling off the roof scared the crap out of me.
I put the radio on just in case it happens again. at least tomorrow I can rest during the day. wont be doing anything else because of the snow storm so well it doesn’t really matter whether I sleep or not I suppose.
could read for a bit I guess. I may just do that.
well thanks for reading. have a good night or day wherever you are!