so this past weekend i’ve had the support of the weekend team again. on saturday, and today. they didnt work yesterday because it was new years day. on saturday it was an ok check in, but they rang me while i was out at the pantomime, so i couldnt answer and had to call them back after it was over and we got to the restaurant. michelle answered and she told me she’d be my key nurse for the weekend. i know her she’s sat in on appointments with me when i was under my old psychiatrist dr. collins a couple of years ago. she’s really nice and i was happy she was my key worker this weekend. she’s so easy to talk to but on saturday we couldnt talk about much of anything because the restaurant was crowded and i didnt want to say to much in public. she understood this and said she’d check back in with me on monday. she just asked me about my plans for new years eve and asked me how I was doing emotionally. the good thing is she knows we have did and she knows some of us like me and liz and a couple of the kids so she was aware that we were dissociative and switchy and had a lot going on. today was much better. i was able to talk much more freely and tell her about my moms health and all that was going on with her. i was also able to tell her that i was having trouble sleeping and had taken phenergan and haldol on friday night to make me sleep, but that it didnt work. she said i should not have taken the phenergan because technically it isnt prescribed to me. i have pills because they were left over from when i used to take it. she said she’d be writing in my notes for dr. barry that I took it. I wasnt very happy about it but I said I understood that she had to do that. at least she was honest with me and told me she was going to do it rather than just going ahead an doing it. I suppose dr. barry wont be too impressed that I took it without asking first. Oh well. Sometimes you jus gotta do what you gotta do right? anyway michelle asked me if i had a plan ready just in case i ended up dissociating or in crisis. i told her no and she went through some options with me. she told me to write stuff down so i’d have it handy if i needed it. like phone numbers of people i can call, etc. she went through some of my coping strategies as well. she told me to take some deep breaths and try not to worry too much about mom. she said she could hear it in my voice the panic and worry i mean. it helped a lot to have the check in today. i’m glad i did.
Happy new year to everyone. I hope you had a good new years eve and if you celebrated I hope you had fun.
We had a good new years eve. Went to the pantomime which was cinderella and afterwords went for a meal to an italian restaurant. We all had pizza which was delicious. BBQ chicken pizza. The pantomime was really good. There was lots of singing and dancing. When I came home I crashed, woke up at 10 PM and went to watch the new years eve count down with my parents. My phone was going crazy with lots of texts coming in from all of my family and friends wishing me a happy new year. Not doing much today, just had two glasses of wine with my mom, and waiting for dinner, which is going to be roast lamb…yum yum. Hoping everyone had a fabulous time for the new year, wishing you peace this year and that the year will be a great one for you.
Happy new years eve everyone!
todays gonna be a busy day!
we are going to the pantomime, cinderella. we are going with our mom and sister and our sisters two kids. i think it will be a lot of fun.
the pantomime is a tradition in our family. every year we go to it. when i was in stage school we used to star in it so it has a lot of good memories associated with it for us.
i might try to get a little bit of recording of some of the singing if I can. not sure i can though, as not sure i can hear my phone speaking over the sounds in the theatre.
after the pantomime we are going for a meal in an italian restaurant. I am looking forward to that as the restaurant is a really nice one. I hope everyone has a wonderful new years eve!
have had a bad day today food wise. i think its mostly because i was at my moms, and my mom has a lot of junk food in the house due to it being christmas. i have eaten some chocolates, some cookies, a slice of chocolate cake, and drank some cherry coke. i feel like a fat pig now. i feel disgusting. i should have resisted. i will do better tomorrow. i sware it. its so hard not to eat when its staring you right in the face. my will power is not the best when it comes to junk food. and to top it off, i havent exercised today either. man i’ll pay for it, my weight will probably shoot up. and i was so happy to see the pounds coming off. tomorrow will be a little hard because we are going for a meal. i’ll just have to try and pick something healthy on the menu. its all i can do. i want to enjoy myself but i also want to be as healthy as i can. heres to hoping it will work for me and i dont overindulge.
I’ve had a pretty good day. Slept a lot. Was sooo tired because didnt sleep good last night. Finally my foot settled down and I was able to sleep from about 7 AM till 11 AM. Then came to moms, sat with mom chatting and eventually persuaded her to call the place her doctor referred her to, to ask about her scan. She didnt want to call but I told her its important and because Monday is a bank holiday here she needed to call to see what was happening as nobody will be working on monday. So she called and they told her they got the referral and it was with the consultant now and he was making some decisions about what needed to happen and they’d be calling her shortly. But they never called today. She went to her brothers tonight for drinks. I was going to go with her but then tiredness overcame me and I stayed home with my dad. My dad is also feeling under the weather. He has the leesion on his bowel and he says the pain is really bad. It burns him and he isnt able to go to the toilet. He’s waiting to go in for a colonoskopy on the 16th of January. Its hard having both parents sick. Its a lot of worry. I’m still trying to think positive though.
and i am beside myself. i really wanted to sleep. i did try.
i lay down and tried to go to sleep at 2 AM. i took two prn meds, haldol and phenergan. 25 mg of phenergan and 5 mg of haldol.
no use. when i lay down my foot started in on me. i couldnt rest it. it kept wanting to be moving. i tried everything. i put it outside the covers. i moved it up and down. i stamped it on the floor. i literally tried what I could think of to stop the restlessness.
I’m thinking its a side effect of the meds. maybe the haldol?
Anyone hear of this before? Its kinda like RLS?
its been a long long day. what with all the worry about mom. i’ve been stressed to the max. unable to cope with much of anything. anxious and emotional and just overwhelmed with everything.
i decided to visit my friend for a couple of hours. her name is norma and she is a good friend, with similar issues to me, in that she’s blind, and she has mental health issues. she doesnt have did but she has depression and anxiety and psychosis. so we can relate to each other on that level, and then of course we are both blind so there is that. i rang her this morning when i found out that mom might have cancer and she said to call over so i did and it helped. it helped to just have someone in person to sit and talk to and we mostly talked about things unrelated to my mom although she did ask me about her and we did talk about it for a couple minutes.
i spent 3 hours over at her house. i wasnt going to bring nitro with me but then i did, because i feel like i really need him to be near me at all times right now, like if i let him out of my sight, something bad might happen to him. i know thats irrational thinking but its my thoughts, they are very irrational right now what can i say.
didnt do much else for the rest of today. mostly moped about. my home help came and helped me cook a chicken curry, but it was only ok, i thought it would be nicer than it actually was since she’d been raving so much about the particular brand of curry I used.
the diet is going well so far. i’m doing things right, eating well and healthily, exercising, etc. i exercised two days in a row, I am finding mornings suit me better, I exercise when I wake up, it lets me get it over and done with. i do feel its good to have some type of routine going.
dont think i’ll sleep much tonight. i’m waiting to facetime with my friend sarah. so much on my mind, its hard to think clearly right now.