Met with my advocate

so this morning i met with my advocate whose name is sharon. i’d met with her while i was in the hospital, this was our second meeting. we talked a lot today about what our needs are, and we also drafted a letter well she is going to type it up, i just told her what i wanted her to put in the letter, she asked me and i told her in my own words and she will now go and type it up and send it in to my case manager, whose name is Ken. Ken is the guy whose responsible for allocating funding for extra PA hours. Sharon thinks it is going to be a long process, and that the HSE who are our governing body over the health service arent going to make it easy for me. Oh well. I’m ready for a fight if thats what it takes to get these extra hours and the extra support. Sharon is going to contact my public health nurse and see what she can find out about getting some extra support in the short term. She asked me to contact Karen, Dr. Barrys social worker tomorrow. I already talked to Karen yesterday and she has sent some emails off to Ken already. I havent seen them so tomorrow I am going to ask for copies of what she sent. Sharon said I am entitled to see what is in them and what people are saying about me. My OT Mark also wrote a letter of support. He read it to me today on the phone and it sounds fabulous. He’ll also send me a copy of it via email. Sharon asked me to talk to dr. barry and ask her to write a more detailed letter outlining my diagnosis and presentation and symptoms. I know Dr. barry will have no problem doing that. She’s great about writing letters and she knows I have been really struggling and need the hours. I dont see her until Monday though so it will have to wait until then. Overall though it was a very productive meeting and i feel really positive after it.

anxious about a meeting

i am meeting my advocate this morning. i am very anxious. we need to put a letter together outlining my needs and i am thinking about what i need to say in that letter. i need to get it across to the people who are in charge of supplying the funding for more PA hours that I desperately need them. i know i need to talk about my visual impairment and mental illness both playing a part in my overall need for extra hours. i want to write a good letter but that is what my advocate is there for, to help me to do just that.
i wish the anxiety would lessen. i am edgy and feeling very nausious as well.
send me good vibes if you can that the meeting will go well and I’ll be able to think clearly in order that I can write a good letter…

I could use a hug or two

i feel so down right now. if anyone has a hug to spare I could use it. I have a friend coming over in about half an hour. I dont feel incredibly motivated or like entertaining her but we’d arranged this weeks ago so I didnt want to cancel. Maybe having her here will lift my mood. right now i feel like just bursting into tears. overwhelm is starting to hit me. and so is anxiety. i am feeling incredibly emotional for some unknown reason. i should be happy. i’ve just come home from an incredibly fun vacation. but all i feel is down and sad and unmotivated and depressed. all i want to do is isolate. i think i’m in for a long night if this level of instability keeps up. all of your support is greatly appreciated.

carol anne

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back to reality

my vacation is over. its back to normality and back to the reality of PTSD symptoms again. i enjoyed the time we had in Kerry though. we had fun and got some much needed relief and rest.
we didnt do much today. this morning my mom and sister took the kids swimming and while they did that i sat reading my book and drinking a latte. i also played some games on my phone to pass the time.
we were going to go visit the killarney lakes but then we decided to just get some lunch and go home as it was getting late in the day and my sister who was doing the driving was tired.
i have a busy week ahead with therapy, a meeting with my advocate, and an appointment with my OT mark amongst other things.

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is anyone around? I don’t want to talk to anyone in person or on the phone. But I feel incredibly sad and alone and could use some virtual support and hugs.
I’m starting to get low again. I mentioned this to dr. barry today. She said she thinks its good that I will be meeting Mark the OT next week. She feels we need to work out a plan so that I have structure to my days again. She thinks having that routine in my day will help me feel better. I just don’t know. Right now everything seems like an effort and to be honest I don’t feel like I have the energy to be “normal” and put on a front.
If anyone has any encouraging words I’d be very very grateful.

carol anne

Host post-I finally met dr. Barry

Its Shirley. Today I finally met Dr. Barry our psychiatrist. She’s only been my Dr. for the past 2 and a half years, and all that time I never met her. It was so good to finally talk to her. i really liked her.
We talked about the did diagnosis. She was interested to know how I felt about it. I told her mostly I find it hard to believe in all that. That I dont feel normal having others in my head. That I am missing out on so much of my life.
During our conversation her phone rang and she had to step out of the room. I was so anxious when she was gone out of the room. I just felt unsafe. There were so many people walking up and down, all of them I didnt know. I was sure glad when Dr. Barry came back in the room again.
She asked if I knew why I’d been hospitalised recently. I told her I was unsure but that I thought it had something to do with my mental illness. She said we’d had a bit of a crisis and we needed to be in there but she said today wasnt the day to talk about what that crisis was. She said she thought I’d become more anxious and it wouldnt be fair to me.
I’m glad I talked to her though. I found her to be so caring. And really interested in me as a person. I definitely want to talk some more to her.

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