Tiring thursday

its been a tiring day. i didnt get up to much today, i had a day at home. i planned on going to the basement club tomorrow, but then earlier I recieved a text to say the centre is closing due to staff shortages its closing at 12:30. So it wouldnt be worth my while going in. I should have gone in today. I decided to go to my parents house tonight. So I am here now. Temps here in ireland today are about 26 C. So quite hot. I am constantly sweating. Dont get me wrong, I love our summer weather and am grateful for it but the heat is a little too severe for me and I find it hard to cope. Mom and me are deciding where we will go on saturday, just thw two of us. We’re thinking of going to a town called kinsale. Its a nice little tourist town in co. cork. I queried bus times today. We’ll probably bring a picnic and spend the day there. My sister was texting me yesterday, she’s having a terrific holiday in spain. She told me she was at the beach with the kids. She has another full week to go as she doesnt get home until next wednesday. I was a little bit naughty this evening and had a frozen pizza for dinner. I never usually eat frozen pizza, rarely if ever actually. I just fancied it tonight. I’m sure it wont do me too much harm though, but it definitely isnt on my plan. Well thats about it from here. I’d better go and maybe read for a while or watch some tv. Hope your all having a great day.
carol anne

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seeing dr. barry she had news for me

so i saw dr. barry this morning. Our appointment went well.
we talked about the fact that my mood had dipped for the last week, and how I was going to go back to the basement club and mind my mental health better than I had been doing. she thought that was a very good idea. I told her about all the staff changes in the basement club, how unsettling the whole thing was for us. She agreed it would be and could understand why it was effecting us so deeply.
we talked about symptoms, mainly sleep, mood, and dissociative stuff. I told her about therapy, about this weeks session. We decided to wait until the end of the month before adding back any more meds to our regime. She asked me if there were any more incidents of insiders trying to OD or stockpiling meds, I said there wasnt. So the next time I see her she said she’d look at adding back the prozac and lyrica or maybe just one of them, she said we’d talk about it at the next apt.
She asked me if the social worker Mary had called me to let me know about applying for more PA hours, how I’d have to go through my public health nurse to apply, that the social worker cant do it for me. I said she had called me. Then she broke the news to me as gently as she could.
Mary is moving on. She will no longer be the social worker on dr. barrys team. She got another job, a better one, and she took it. She’s not even with the team a year yet. And now she’s moving on. I was just getting to know her and now she’ll be gone.
I sat and listened, and sighed inwardly. Honestly, I wasnt shocked. I did however expect that she’d be around longer than 8 months. But well, she wont be. So I guess thats that. Someone new will be appointed. So it will be me trying to get to know another new face, another new social worker.
Dr. barry did say that she thought that there would be no social worker on her team for a while. She didnt know how long it would take before a new one will be appointed. Mary is working out her notice and then she will leave.
There is one small consolation. At least I hadnt built up too much of a relationship or bond with her. We were only just starting out. That is one good thing at least. There wont be another painful goodbye.
In fact if I am honest, I didnt think she was all that good at what she did. Granted I am comparing her to Karen, who was brilliant at what she did, but still. She mary, just expected me to do everything, and did not do much of anything herself. I am all for advocating for oneself but well when a social workers job is to do certain things, and then they say you can ring this or that person, speak to them, and stuff try to get done what you had asked her to do, its not good.
Dr. barry also told me new junior doctors had started this week. Two male doctors. It really doesnt make a huge difference to me, I dont ever have to see them, but I prefer when there is a female on the team, just in case dr. barry is ever out or on holiday, I have a doctor I can go to in an emergency. But these new ones are both males.
Those two pieces of news were the big pieces.
she is bringing me back in 10 days time, because on the day she’d usually see me there is some other clinic going on and she cant see patients on that day, so she asked me if I wanted to come back in 10 days time. I said that was fine, but it now means I will have therapy and my dr. barry apt on the same day.
I bet I’ll be exhausted after two apts in one day!
Anyway, it was a good appointment overall.

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Time to get weighed in 🙏😀😇

Well, another week, time to go and get weighed in.

I cheated this week, I weighed myself on my own scales. It says I’ve lost a couple of pounds so we shall see. Here’s hoping it’s right and I have.

Off I go, wish me luck.


Back to the basement club

I did it. Today I went back to the basement club. After not being there for almost a month, it was kinda weird to just arrive back in there, but as usual, all of the members were just amazing. So accepting, they were just their awesome supportive selves. I went in after seeing dr. barry and Mark. I got there for around 10:30. We had a meeting that was scheduled for 11 AM, a big meeting about all of the changes taking place. It was good to go to it. Good to catch up with colette, too. Colette is leaving on the 27th, and since she’s been my mentor for the last 5 years, it was good to catch up with her and talk to her about where she’s moving on to etc. I also met one of the new staff members, she is very nice. She was friendly and seemed supportive and like she’d be a good fit for the centre. There are two more new staff starting in early August. I spoke a little at the meeting, just to say I was upset about Colette leaving, and that I hadnt come in recently due to anxiety and being upset. I felt it was important that I spoke. After the meeting I had coffee with a couple of the members. We just chatted about things like the weather, their kids, dogs etc. Then I spent some quiet time in the quiet room. I needed a little bit of space to myself after the meeting, which was super intense. I had booked a taxi to pick me up at 3:45 but then everyone went home around 2 PM, except 1 or 2 people, so I decided then to call it a day and go home too. So here I am now, at home, reflecting on my day. I plan on going in again tomorrow and spending the day in there. I’m proud of myself for biting the bullet and going in there today. I know I did a good thing for my mental health. And I’m also happy that I spoke to colette on her own, and met the new staff member as well.
carol anne

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My OT apt today

So my OT apt this morning was pretty uneventful.
We basically had a bit of a catch up. We didnt set goals like I thought we would be doing. We just ended up talking about symptoms, and symptom management.
I was telling Mark how that I had decided to make my mental health a priority this week, and that I hadnt been into the basement club lately, but that I was going to start going back in again starting from today.
He said how I was really good at knowing what I needed, and he congratulated me on that, saying that 4 or 5 years ago I wouldnt have had the insight to know what I needed and how I would have relied on external people to tell me, where as now I dont do that.
He said it shows how far I’ve come since starting to work with him.
I guess he’s right. I never really looked at that aspect of things though.
We planned to meet again in august, in late august, he said he’d phone me and we can arrange something then. There will be a move in september to a new building for all of the mental health services, so in August we are going to work on route familiarisation if thats possible so that I can familiarise myself with the new set up.
We’ll also work on goal setting for the next few months. Fun times ahead, I guess.

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3.2.1 quote me! Change!

The lovely Candice over at R.O.E nominated me to do this challenge.
The topic is change. So here are my two quotes on change.
Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.Carol Burnett
Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.Simone de Beauvoir

And my nominees?

Lady lazaris
my inner mish mash
emerging from the dark night

Have fun everyone!

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3.2.1 quote me! Balance!

Thanks to Becky of Beckys mental mess for nominating me for this awesome game!


Thank the Selector

Post 2 quotes for the dedicated Topic of The Day

Select 3 Bloggers to take part in ‘3.2.1 Quote Me!’

Note: Although this is the topic for today there is no specific deadline to it, meaning you can answer as and when.

Balance is not something you find, it’s something you create.

Jana Kingsford

The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty.

Zig Ziglar

My nominees are:

Trina its good to be crazy sometimes

ritu of but I smile anyway

Eve of revenge of eve

Have fun guys!

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