I climb in the shower
Let the water run
It pours over my body
Hot, but then
I cool it down a little
The shower is so healing
I stand there
Washing my day away
washing my pain
and emotional overwhelm away
as water pours
I think about life
How I am surviving it
On a daily basis
Its hard, but I am doing it
and I will continue to do it
No matter what
Surviving, is what I am good at
and as the water soaks my skin
I hear my own heartbeat
and I know
I am alive
I have survived
Prompt for Week #40 (May 30, 2020 Jun 5, 2020)
The date, etched in memory, forever!
It is me Em. I was feeling really bad this morning. My body was hurting, and I felt awful. I felt really triggered.
I decided to text our therapist Eileen to tell her. So I did.
She got back to me later on in the day. After I texted her I hid in our bedroom with our fan on and I climbed into bed and took a long nap.
It helped. I feel much better now. I am not triggered any more.
Eileen asked me if I need to see a doctor. And she said maybe I am stuck in memories and I just forgot I am safe now. Its true I did forget.
I was so glad she texted me back. I knew she would when she could.
It was so reassuring. I reread the text a bunch of times.
Am so glad i feel better now.
I am feeling so emotional. I am sitting here with my coffee, and I am crying. I hate life sometimes. I really do.
I got a flashback and it freaked me out. It sent me reeling.
Memories fucking suck so much. I hate them. I want to go numb. I want to disappear. I want this pain to end.
Why? Why do I suffer so much trauma?
I feel so dead. So much pain in my heart and in my head.
Memories engulf me
I sit here
Heart beating fast
Stomach and chest tight
Start to attack
This is my legacy
From my past
bits and pieces
floate through my mind
to overwhelm me
so to cope
from the pain
I put the bits and pieces
to one side
Into a container
and give them
to my therapist
To look after
Until we can process the memories
In the comfort
Of her office
Hi. Its lisa. I am 17. I am one of Emilys insiders.
We had a really great therapy session this morning. Guess what we did?
I was feeling really depressed. And I was having awful flashbacks. And I just felt awful.
Eileen said we could do something fun. She asked me what I enjoyed. I had no clue. Then I thought of music, I love music.
So she got her phone and she put on spotify. And we listened to music together. She showed me songs that she likes, and I showed her songs that I like. It was so much fun.
She showed me a john legend song and a bruno mars song that she loves. I couldnt believe she likes up to date pop music. That was so cool.
I got her to play this is me from the greatest showman, and there’s nothing holding me back by sean mendez, and a thousand miles by vanessa carlton, and happy by farrell williams.
We talked all about music and how i felt listening to it. And it was so cool. It made me feel better in no time at all. I calmed right down and the memories lessened.
Eileen is so creative, in how she does therapy. I love that about her.
She always makes our sessions so interesting. Plus now that we’ve done that, I can use the music to feel connectd to her. I can play the songs we played when I am feeling bad.
Like I felt at 5 AM this morning, and I had nobody to call. Now I have music to listen to. yay.