I am a survivor

I climb in the shower
Let the water run
It pours over my body
Hot, but then
I cool it down a little
The shower is so healing
I stand there
Washing my day away
washing my pain
And sadness
and emotional overwhelm away
as water pours
I think about life
How I am surviving it
On a daily basis
Its hard, but I am doing it
and I will continue to do it
No matter what
Surviving, is what I am good at
and as the water soaks my skin
I listen
I hear my own heartbeat
and I know
I am alive
I have survived

it is Em, felt so bad earlier, so I texted eileen

hihihi everybody
It is me Em. I was feeling really bad this morning. My body was hurting, and I felt awful. I felt really triggered.
I decided to text our therapist Eileen to tell her. So I did.
She got back to me later on in the day. After I texted her I hid in our bedroom with our fan on and I climbed into bed and took a long nap.
It helped. I feel much better now. I am not triggered any more.
Eileen asked me if I need to see a doctor. And she said maybe I am stuck in memories and I just forgot I am safe now. Its true I did forget.
I was so glad she texted me back. I knew she would when she could.
It was so reassuring. I reread the text a bunch of times.
Am so glad i feel better now.
butterfly hugs
love, em

Emotional overwhelm

I am feeling so emotional. I am sitting here with my coffee, and I am crying. I hate life sometimes. I really do.
I got a flashback and it freaked me out. It sent me reeling.
Memories fucking suck so much. I hate them. I want to go numb. I want to disappear. I want this pain to end.
Why? Why do I suffer so much trauma?
I feel so dead. So much pain in my heart and in my head.

VJ’S weekly prompt: bits and pieces

bits and pieces
of memories
floate through my mind
threatening
to overwhelm me
so to cope
I distract
from the pain
I put the bits and pieces
to one side
Into a container
and give them
to my therapist
To look after
Until we can process the memories
safely
and securely
In the comfort
Of her office

https://onewomansquest.org/2020/05/11/vjs-weekly-challenge-95-bits-and-pieces/

therapy session, Music to ground us

Hi. Its lisa. I am 17. I am one of Emilys insiders.

We had a really great therapy session this morning. Guess what we did?

I was feeling really depressed. And I was having awful flashbacks. And I just felt awful.

Eileen said we could do something fun. She asked me what I enjoyed. I had no clue. Then I thought of music, I love music.

So she got her phone and she put on spotify. And we listened to music together. She showed me songs that she likes, and I showed her songs that I like. It was so much fun.

She showed me a john legend song and a bruno mars song that she loves. I couldnt believe she likes up to date pop music. That was so cool.

I got her to play this is me from the greatest showman, and there’s nothing holding me back by sean mendez, and a thousand miles by vanessa carlton, and happy by farrell williams.

We talked all about music and how i felt listening to it. And it was so cool. It made me feel better in no time at all. I calmed right down and the memories lessened.

Eileen is so creative, in how she does therapy. I love that about her.

She always makes our sessions so interesting. Plus now that we’ve done that, I can use the music to feel connectd to her. I can play the songs we played when I am feeling bad.

Like I felt at 5 AM this morning, and I had nobody to call. Now I have music to listen to. yay.
Lisa