woke up triggered

I managed to sleep for about 40 mins, woke up feeling so triggered, had a horrible nightmare, felt bugs crawling all over me, the prazacin i took tonight obviously isnt helping, hate this, triggers suck so much.


we’re On prazazin now

dr. barry put us on prazazin today. we asked her if she would. i thought she’d say no. she told me its not licensed here to treat nightmares, or ptsd. its only licensed to treat blood pressure problems. but she said she’d be willing to give it to us as an off label med, meaning she would sanction it and start us on a low dose, see how we do on it. so she started us on 1 mg at bedtime, and next week she’ll increase it to 2. and then the week after she’ll go up to 4. she said she isnt comfortable with going above 4 MG of it though. i love that she’s willing to try things that she normally wouldnt do. i love how she always listens to me. all I said to her was my friend was on it, and it helps her with her ptsd symptoms and nightmares. i already take prozac which is sanctioned here for ptsd symptoms. but she said its safe to take prazazin with prozac. so we shall see. this might turn out to be a good thing. i’ll keep everyone posted.

Medication issue

Has anyone taken Haldol and gone restless leg syndrome when you took it, we seem to be having pains in her legs after taking it, I’ve talked to Doctor Barry and the last time I talk to her about it she said it was because I took my antihistamine along with it and they interacted with each other. But I haven’t taken it this time, but still I’m having problems. Not sure what to do. I need the medication especially one flashbacks hit or when I can’t sleep. It’s not like I can’t take it I have to take it to cope. Anyone got any ideas?

good morning :-)

good morning gys. i slept a total of 2 hours. yep you got it. 2 hours of sleep but at least the 2 hours was uninterrupted. that was nice. i wish i’d slept a little more, but nitro really needed to go out so he woke me up. i didnt mind really. his going out is important, otherwise he’ll make a mess on my floor. granted he’s never done that, he is a good dog he always lets me know he needs to go out. i got up and let him out, then made tea. i have to have tea or coffee in the morning, its a habit. it wakes me up. my pa kristen is going to be here in an hour. she will take me to see karen O my nutritionist. weigh in today guys. i’m nervous. i hope I’m down at least a little bit. i should be as I’ve been really good. if I am not I’ll be so disappointed. I also have to get my injection. sarah my CPN is going to gve it to me. I should have gotten it yesterday but I forgot it when I was leaving the house. I also have to go to moms and drop off some things, dog food for when I go on respite next week. and my nephews coat which she left at my house. and my bank card because mom is going to go in and change a standing order for me to do with my rent. so yeah have a lot to do this morning. then we’ll come back to my house and clean, and my pa will be making a pasta dish for me to portion out and freeze. the dish will have ground beef, peppers, bacon, and a creamy tomato and mushroom sauce. I’ve never had the sauce before so I hope its nice. we shall see. I should have bought mushrooms to go in it too but I didnt think of them when I was at the store. The weather this morning is crappy. Its dry right now but I know we’ll have rain later. Its supposed to be really wet today, and if yesterday was anything to go buy it’ll be awful. The winter is truly here.

Emily-spending time with dr. barry

i went to our session with dr. barry today. it was good. we were late getting to the clinic because we couldnt get a taxi. the weather today is crappy so thats why. its pouring outside. the taxi driver was really nice. he walked us in to the reception.

we didnt have to wait long to see dr. barry. there was one person before us. then she came and got us. i held her arm as we walked in, she was waring a watch, i could feel it. it felt good holding her arm, i felt connected to her. i wasnt wearing a coat, because we couldnt find our coat before we left this morning. she noticed. she said she wouldnt make a big deal of it today. i liked that she noticed though.

she had a med student with her today but she sent them out of the room when we came in. i asked her why she sent them out and she said she thought we’d prefer it that way. she’s right, i did prefer not to have the student in the room. i would have felt uncomfortable if they were in there when i was talking to her.

we had a lot to talk about. i told her about therapy on monday. it felt good to tell her about how i was feeling both during and after our session. she listened, she said probably the reason i felt so bad after therapy on monday night was because i hadnt internalised what eileen said to me. sometimes i find it hard to internalise the things sh e says. i am learning how to do that but it isnt easy. she said it was good that i used my blog as an outlet for support. and it was good that the people who read my blog were able to remind me that eileen does care about me and she does love me.

we talked about our meeting with sarah last week. i told her it went well. she was happy to hear that. i told her we’d met in her office which made us feel more comfortable. i was meant to get our injection today but we forgot to bring it with us. we’re going to respite next week so we asked her if sarah could give the injection to us tomorrow. we’ll be going up there to meet karen our nutritionist tomorrow. she went and asked sarah if that would be ok, if she could give us our injection tomorrow, and sh e said she could. so we’ll meet her after meeting karen in the morning.

we talked to dr. barry about the privacy issue which came up last week, remember about the guy at the basement club who was reading over our shoulder. she said obviously he didnt realise that it was an inappropriate thing to be doing. she said she hoped denise the co-ordinator would set him straight, tell him it was totally inappropriate for him to be doing that. we havent talked to denise yet as we havent been in to the basement club this week.

we set up another appointment for two weeks time. we will miss not seeing dr. barry next week, but it would cost too much money to get a taxi and go see her. we can go two weeks i think without seeing her. we will see both eileen and sarah next week so that we will still have support. i’m glad about that.

I saw dr. barry. Meds and sleep and suicidal issues too

just got home from seeing dr barry. i also said goodbye to karen, but i’ll write about that in a separate post when I’ve processed it a little bit. anyway back to seeing dr barry. i told her that emily was suicidal. she’s 12 and she is one of the insiders who gets really suicidal. last night i found a pile of meds, she’d been stockpiling them. i talked with her, and she said she wanted to kill herself because karen was leaving. i knew that there was more to it than just karen leaving. so i tried talking to her about it. i didnt get very far though. she shut down on me. she did say that she felt like everyone she cares about will just leave. and that it happened a lot already and so she thinks it will just keep happening. i tried to comfort her but I couldnt really say much. i was so upset about karen leaving as well. karen leaving was the catalyst for deeper issues. abandonment issues. deep sadness about the past. grieving for what we never got in childhood. so now we are dealing with a 12 year old whose severely suicidal. and who has plans. dr. barry said that its not about the suicidal thinking, its about the distress and we need to deal with the distress to combat the suicidal thinking. she said it must be so frustrating for me to keep hitting these walls every couple of months and she admitted she was frustrated too. i told her i was hoping she’d have the magic answer today and to hear her say she was frustrated was really hard for me. i dont want her to feel frustrated. she said it is something to keep working on in therapy. i told her eileen is doing all she can to get more communication going. dr. barry said that everyone in the system needs to come on board, that it cant be just me and liz doing all the work. i do agree but its so hard to get the younger parts to hear things and co-operate. after talking about the suicidal thinking we talked about sleep. i asked her about the prozac and sleeplessness. i told her my friend had showed me some stats that said 12 to 16 percent of people on prozac experienced sleeplessness and anxiety. she said i take mine in the morning so that wouldnt really be an issue. she also said that as long as she’s known me sleep has been an issue. that my sleep problems are chronc and in order to fix them i’d need to try to get a really good sleep hygiene routine going. she told me that i should turn off all electronics 45 mins to an hour before going to bed, that if i need them later during the night that was ok, but to go to sleep your brain needs to be activated into the sleep mode, you need to do things to wind down. she told me to try doing 3 things to wind down by night, so i said i’d make a hot drink maybe hot chocolate or hot milk, i’d do some deep breathing and relaxation maybe watch a relaxation video or listen to one of my rain sound cd’s or even the recordings eileen has made us. and i said i’d put some lavender essential oil on my pillow to try to help me as well. she said i should also take halcian and haldol combined for the next two weeks at night. so i’ll be taking 0.5 mg of halcian and 5 mg of haldol to help me get my sleep patterns back on track. i really really hope it works. she said if i am tired i wont be able to concentrate and my ability to recall things and remember things will be impaired. i’ll be irritable, and moody, and non functional. i know all this and am going crazy trying to get things under control, so hopefully these meds and my new sleep hygiene routine is going to make all the difference. she did tell me too that now more than ever this reassessment we werethinking about getting done from the pottergate centre for dissociation and trauma needs to happen. i agree. she needs some guidance going forward about my treatment. especially now that she says the bumps we’re coming up against with the blocks and suicidal thinking and stuff hampering things and the distress being the issue but the suicidal thoughts blocking us from dealing with it. so yeah. good appointment but intense.

solution to my sleep issues?

i may have found what causes my sleeplessness. a blogger friend said prozac can cause sleeplessness. i am on the highest dose of prozac, i take 60 mg of it. dr. barry never mentioned it could cause sleeplessness. i’ve been on it for a while now. it is working in other ways. it helps my depression. it helps my ptsd symptoms. but man, if it causes sleeplessness, i am not sure i want to continue taking it. i will definitely be talking to dr. barry about this on wednesday. maybe she has never heard of it doing that? i dont know. she’s pretty clued in about meds. she is what i would term a great prescribing practisioner. seriously though if its not non 24 sleep disorder that i have, and it may still be, who knows, then why am i able to stay awake for a full day? without much tiredness creeping in? i am not bipolar so its nothing to do with manicness. definitely gonna discuss this with her on wednesday!