STOCKPILING OUR MEDS

SO TONIGHT AFTER GOING TO SLIMMING WORLD WE WENT TO ABODE TO PICK UP SOME OF OUR STUFF THAT WE’D LEFT THERE. WE ALSO NEEDED TO SIGN SOME FORMS. WHEN WE GOT THERE OUR TUTOR WAS THERE, WHICH WAS VERY SURPRISING TO US. SHE USUALLY GOES HOME AT 3 PM. IT WAS 8:30 PM. SHE ASKED US IF WE HAD A FEW MINUTES SHE SAID SHE NEEDED TO TALK TO US. WE WENT TO HER OFFICE AND THE HEAD NURSE WAS IN THERE. THEY TOLD US THAT WHEN THEY WERE CLEANING OUT OUR ROOM THEY FOUND A HUGE PILE OF MEDS. I WAS SHOCKED! I DONT KNOW WHO WAS STOCKPILING THEM! SOMEONE WAS THOUGH. THEY SAID THERE WAS A LOT OF THEM. AND THEY WERENT SURE WHAT TO DO. WE’D BEEN SELF MEDICATING AND TAKING OUR OWN MEDS. NOW I REALISE THAT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THE BEST IDEA. MOST PEOPLE THERE STAFF GIVE THEM THEIR MEDS. SO I WAS HONEST. I TOLD THEM WE HAVE DID AND I TOLD THEM WE STRUGGLE TO TAKE OUR MEDS PROPERLY. THAT THE DISSOCIATION MAKES US FORGET SOMETIMES. OR THAT MAYBE SOMEONE WAS SUICIDAL AND SO STOCKPILING THEM. IT WAS VERY WORRYING AND NOW I NEED TO FIND OUT WHO DID IT IN THE SYSTEM. IM PRETTY SURE IT WAS A DARK. PROBABLY WENDY OR PIXIE. IT WASNT ME ANYWAY, EVEN THOUGH I’VE BEEN PRETTY DOWN. PLANNING SUICIDE IS SOMETHING I HAVENT DONE IN YEARS. SO ANYWAY THEY TOLD ME THEY’D GIVEN THE MEDS OVER TO THE PHARMACY AND RANG MY GP FOR ADVICE. I WASNT HAPPY ABOUT THAT BUT I COULD UNDERSTAND WHY THEY HAD TO DO IT. THEY SAID DUE TO THIS HAPPENING THEY WERE GOING TO LOOK OVER THEIR POLICIES AROUND PEOPLE SELF MEDICATING. THEY SAID THEY WERENT ANNOYED AT ME THAT ACTUALLY I’D DONE THEM A FAVOUR. HOW I DID THEM A FAVOUR I DONT KNOW. MAYBE THEY HADNT UPDATED POLICIES IN A WHILE AND WERENT WORRIED THAT SOMETHING LIKE THIS COULD HAPPEN? I DUNNO. BUT IT CERTAINLY CAME AS A HUGE SHOCK TO ME THAT WE’D BEEN DOING THIS. AND NOW THAT LEAVES US WITH NO MEDS IN OUR SYSTEM. FOR HOW LONG IM NOT SURE. SO IM NOT SURE NOW WHAT TO DO. DR. BARRY WONT BE THRILLED ABOUT THIS. AND NOW WE WONT SEE HER FOR TWO WEEKS. I’M THINKING I MAY RING OUR GP TOMORROW. TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS AND SEE WHAT HIS TAKE ON IT IS. IT CANT HURT TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT. I NEED TO ALSO CALL AN INTERNAL MEETING. SEE WHOSE SUICIDAL. AND WHY. AND WHAT THEY’D PLANNED ON DOING WITH THE MEDS. I DONT NEED THIS STRESS RIGHT NOW. I COULD DO WITH OUT IT. BUT WELL IT HAPPENED AND SO I NEED TO SORT IT OUT.
LIZ

My silly pup

so my silly pup is making a fool out of me.

I tried giving him his pills in some ham. he ate the ham and spat out the pills. then I tried again.

he ate half of his pill and the ham and promptly spat out the other half.
😀
so I opened his mouth and shoved it in and tried to massage his throat so he’d swallow it. Well he wasn’t having any of that 😀 he promptly spat it out again when I thought it was gone.
🙂
eventually after 3 tries he ate it. Its been this way since I started giving him his pills on Wednesday. Its like he knows I cant see! He’s clever, very very clever!
😀
At least he’s taking them though, after much coaxing and cajoling.
lol.

Meds update

so i talked with dr. barry about my med situation. remember we were having trouble taking them?
well i told her about it. and she was very understanding. she said we’d just keep an eye on it.
so we’re doing that. she offered to increase my prazosin but i said no. for right now i dont want to increase it any more, im on 3 mg and i want to stay at that dose for now.

WAITING FOR MY HEAD TO JUST EXPLODE

MY HEAD FEELS SO FULL I AM WAITING FOR IT TO EXPLODE. LITERALLY. EVERYTHING IS GETTING TO ME. I JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMED. OF COURSE ITS NIGHT TIME AND I HATE THAT. I AM TIRED BUT UNABLE TO SLEEP. IN FACT I AM EXHAUSTED. I SLEPT EARLIER FOR ABOUT 2 HOURS. IM STILL SICK SO YEAH FEELING CRAPPY. MY THROAT HURTS AND I AM COUGHING AND MY NOSE IS STILL ALL BLOCKED UP. I TOOK SOME MEDS AND AM HOPING THIS CRAP GOES AWAY SOON. I HATE BEING SICK. ITS SO TRIGGERY TO US TO BE ILL. AND UNABLE TO BREATHE PROPERLY. EVEN IF I COULD SLEEP I’M AFRAID TO GO TO SLEEP. I DONT WANT TO HAVE NIGHTMARES. AND I’M PRETTY SURE I WILL HAVE THEM. UG THIS JUST SUCKS.
LIZ

so nice to see dr. barry

it was so nice to see dr. barry today. she made me feel so good about myself. she said despite not having eileens support, the most important support person in our life, we are managing, and she said we should give ourselves a ton of credit for doing that and doing it well. she’s so kind to say we are doing it well.
i talked to her about the nightmares i’d been having. she said we can increase the prazosin again if i need to do that. but she is being careful because it is also known to cause mood dips so shes being very careful about increasing it because our mood is low lately.
i told her about claras melt down. she was surprised that we’d had a full blown meltdown but she was glad eileen was able to contain clara and get her through it.
we talked a lot about me being sick. she thinks i may need a steroid nasal spray. she said i sounds like my sinuses are blocked. and that maybe i have a low grade infection that is not going away. since i’ve been sick four times already since christmas, she said that is probably the reason.
i feel a lot better after seeing her. she just made me feel like i can do this. like i am doing a good job. so i will just keep doing what im doing and hoping for the best.

Goals for Wednesday

Only a few goals today. But thats ok. If i can achieve all of them I’ll be happy.

So my goals for wednesday are:

Take meds

Eat a healthy breakfast

Exercise for 20 minutes

Eat a healthy lunch

Work on class work

Eat a healthy dinner

Read my book, try to finish it

Go to slimming world

Lose some weight

Read blogs, and email

sleep and back on meds

soI slept for 2 hours. I was exhausted. Could not keep my eyes open. Well I figure I must have needed it. Was very confused though when I woke up, did not know what time I had. It was 8:30 PM. I thought for a few seconds it was the middle of the night.
Ineed to take my meds soon. I went back on them. I started back on them on Sunday. And I had no adverse side effects which is good! I was able to go back on them without anything bad happening to me. That is what I hoped would happen. So its nice that it did, its great that I didnt have a bad reaction to them.