Monday goals

Goals for today Monday are:

Eat 3 healthy meals
Exercise for 20 minutes on the treadmill
Watch some tv
Take meds
Tidy the house



just. ug. thats all i can manage. i’m so frustrated. i thought i was getting somewhere with this headcold. I thought it was easing a little. no such luck.

I made a lemsip. its now 5:30 AM. I managed to go back to sleep earlier, after waking at 1:30, I stayed up for like an hour then went back to sleep. But I slept fitfully. I tossed and turned and couldnt breathe too good.

It is not cool. I am so done with being sick. I just wish it was over.

My body is aching now too, so its not just my head and nose. My muscles ache, they feel weak. And I am hot and cold as well.

sigh. I’m not a very good patient either. I dont have patience for being sick. I just want an end to it.

Even nitros avoiding me tonight. He’s been sleeping. Normally he’d get out of his bed and come lie by my bed. But he didnt tonight. Guess he wants to avoid me too 😦

anyway. I better drink this lemsip. after this I only have one left.

I think I’m going to be on my own in class this morning. There should be another girl coming in but she rarely comes in. She is really bad at attending. So I might be by myself. Thats ok too though. I am able to work on my own and I actually prefer it.

I need to ring my gp’s office and order my meds today. I meant to do it yesterday but i forgot. I have to have the injection by next week as its due then. It takes 2 days for a prescription to be ready so I better get on it today.

Anyway. I’ll leave it here for now. Catch yall later!
carol anne

Goals update

well I’ve achieved a few of my goals today so far.
they are
I ate a healthy breakfast and lunch
took meds
went volunteering
set up a new computer
supported two friends who were struggling

I have a couple more things on my list that I want to complete before the day is out.
carol anne


Friday goals 23 febuary 2018

hi everyone

so my goals for today friday…

eat 3 healthy meals

go on the treadmill for at least 15 minutes

go to my work experience at the preschool

go grocery shopping with my PA

take some me time to do something that I enjoy

read some of my book

text my niece to wish her a happy 10th birthday

text my sister to thank her for my perfume she brought me back from her vacation

take meds



anxiety is so high right now.
do i, pop a pill, or ride it out?
decisions, decisions…
what’s it to be?
my body feels like its on fire. i have this tingly burning feeling in my arms and legs. its horrible. i know its due to anxiety.
ok i should just take the meds and go to bed?
can I scream?


had a great appointment with dr. barry

i saw dr. barry this morning. it went really well. i told her how depressed i’d been lately. she wondered if i was having side effects to the prazosin. she said low mood can be a possible side effect. she decided not to raise it again or change any of my meds and to just see how things go over the next couple of weeks. i was happy with that decision. i told her i’d joined slimming world. she knows emily is bulimic and today i told her about kelli and her issues with food and weight. she kept asking me if we were eating, i think she was worried because she said are you sure you arent skipping meals. we arent. but we could start if we were not being careful. we talked a little bit about the did reassessment and the final report since it has now come through. i told her a little about the recent memories we’ve been having. that led on to a conversation about the bording school and whether we’d ever taken a case against the school. so then we ended up talking about that for a while. we also talked a little about shirley and her denial of our diagnosis. mostly she denies it, sometimes she’ll say that yes there are people in her head but then she says she doesnt know why they are there, denying any existence of child abuse in our past. dr. barry wondered if i was feeling depressed because i was thinking about all of the responsibility i had in the system. she knows i’ve been avoiding that lately, well ok not avoiding but i’ve been not wanting to talk about parenting the kids. thats a sore spot for me. i said i didnt know. i guessed maybe it was true that maybe i am feeling ambivalent about the parenting of the kids. i dont really want all of the responsibility. its hard enough to be a protector in our system, i think i’m failing miserably at it. dr. barry asked me to think about her and her practice, does she need to know absolutely everything about her patients and what is going on for them in order to deliver a good service? i said i guessed not. she said sometimes its just enough to do your best, and be good enough. she said i hold myself to very high standards, i know that already. i am a perfectionist. i like to do things right. if they arent right i feel bad or like i’m failing and a failure. she said i need to let go of that idea otherwise i’ll drive myself crazy going in circles. i know she’s right. i told her i’d decided to let the kids have time in the evenings so that they might be less activated at night. we talked about it for a while. i told her they seem to like having their own time, but that i didnt know yet whether it was benefiting us as a system. i will have to keep going with it for a few weeks. we talked about sleep and she told me to try herbal tea at night, instead of making tea in the middle of the night wheni am awake. i told her about liz not going to therapy last week and about eileen challenging her on that. it was a good appointment. it was productive. i felt so much better when i came out of there. i felt freer and like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.


well I Made up for lost sleep last night

well guys, i certainly made up for lost sleep last night.

I went to bed at 7 Pm. I was totally shattered.

I fell asleep right away, one of the staff came in at 8 and woke me up. She was just making sure I was ok.

I dozed after that until around 9 and then got up to let nitro out. I was conscious that he needed to go out, so I think thats why I didnt fall into a deep sleep.

But when I came back in I went straight to bed and fell into a deep sleep. And I only woke a half hour ago at 7 AM.

I’m so delighted I got such an awesome amount of sleep. And without help from sleep meds! Yay.

Now I’m ready to face today. I feel energised.

I have work experience today…as well as class in the morning.

Happy Friday everyone!
carol anne