my appointment with dr. barry this week

had a very good apt with dr. barry this week. i was so exhausted though. i was falling asleep while i waited. she noticed too because when she came to get me and as we were walking back to her office she asked me if i was dozing off.
we got into her office, she went to get me some water. and then we were able to talk. i told her about the week, how it had been kinda bad, because of the summer solstace, she said she’d been thinking of me and she hadnt forgot the date. that was nice to hear that she actually remembered the awful date.
i told her about my experience in therapy the experience i had the other day where our body was acting all weird. we talked about that for a little while. then i told her about sirena and what she’d done when I’d gone to take my night meds on tuesday night. she was very surprised. she asked me if i thought sirena was planning it i said no i thought it was an impulsive thing and not planned out at all. I told her eileen had responded to my text and that I felt so lucky that she responded, dr. barry agreed that I was very lucky because not all therapists would do that and actually very few of them do it.
we talked about meds. she said due to what sirena did that she wasnt going to add back any more of my meds for this week. i agreed that i didnt want her to. “so we’re both on the same page then?” she said. “yes, I agreed” we are. I dont feel comfortable adding any more meds back for now. we can just wait for another two weeks before adding back the prozac and lyrica. I just dont want to risk anything else happening and having extra meds around it might.
during our conversation dr. barrys phone rang. she had to step out of the room to talk to whoever was on the phone. i’m used to that happening. it happens quite a lot. i try to not let it bother me. but it can be annoying. we lose our train of thought when her phone rings and she has to answer it.
overall though it was a good apt. i felt great afterwords. she’s really very supportive of me.


suicide attempt

so one of the insiders, sirena, is feeling very bad. she is suicidal. she wanted to take all of our meds and she almost did when I went to take my night meds she was out, luckily I was able to overpower her before she did anything, but it was this close, she was about to down them all.

I was never so scared! I didnt see it coming!

I tried talking to her but she’s not ready to open up. She just went back inside very quickly. I am going to email eileen and tell her. I think she will try to work with her in therapy.

I really feel for her. I know how it is to be suicidal. But man is it scary when you didnt even know she was gonna do it!



my goals for monday are not many. its gonna be a kind a very easy and chill day.

take meds
go to therapy
eat 3 healthy meals
do a little bit of cleaning around the house
sit outside in the sun
read my book try to finish it
call my friend
call the welfare office make a new apt
go to bed early tomorrow night

carol anne


another day is here

well its thursday. wow already? anyway. i got a great nights sleep. so i am feeling good today.
after last nights disappointment of being up when I got weighed in, i have picked myself up. this morning i exercised. i did 30 mins of a workout. i have a workout on my phone designed for the blind. i did that.
Im also drinking a lot of water. I’ve drank 3 500 ml bottles since last night. I feel good and I think it is helping, although I need to use the bathroom a lot lol.
My mom has gone to pick up my meds this morning. Im still at my parents house. I will be here for a fewe days. My PA asked me last night if she could take tomorrow night off, since she is going away for a few days. I told her she could.
I dont have too many plans for today. Moms going to make a spag bol for us. She’s making it the healthy way with passata and tinned tomatos and wholemeal spaghetti and 5 percent fat minced beef.
It will be yummy!
Other than that I’m just relaxing here at my parents. Its a beautiful sunny day. Last night when I came home from slimming world I was freezing! I even ended up wearing a fleece pajamas! But today its warm and I had to take it off and put on a light strappy top and some leggings.
What are your plans for today?


busy day ahead

today I am going to be busy!
I havent slept tonight. probably becausei slept for hours yesterday after therapy. i cant expect to sleep at night if I am sleeping in the day. but it was ok, i did email, read, and listened to music while I wasnt sleeping.
this morning I have an apt to get my 3 monthly shot. its my trevicta shot. for those who dont know trevicta is invega an antipsychotic, but in a 3 monthly shot, I used to take a monthly shot until dr. barry said this would work better. and it has. I’ve had no side effects from it and I especially like that there is no weight gain on it.
so I have to go do that. It wont take me very long. I’m going to get a taxi there and have the taxi wait for me since I’ll only be five minutes in there.
in the afternoon I go volunteer at the cork city partnership. I’m not full time on friendly call. So I’ll be making calls and checking in on people. I love it. I’ll go there at around 1 PM and stay until 5.
Then I have to go to my friend normas house. We have a training session planned. Not sure yet what we’re going to be doing. But I promised her I’d come over this evening since I didnt do it at the weekend. I’ll stay for about 2 hours. I dont have to pay for a taxi to take me there, my taxi’s are payed for by the partnership, but I might get a lift from one of the staff at the partnership and then just get a taxi home.
I’ll be taking Nitro with me when I go volunteering and to normas house but I wont take him this morning whenI go to get my injection.
I just had an amazing hot shower. I was feeling a little anxious and a bit tense and it really helped with that. I feel all refreshed now. Im not dressed yet though. I just made myself some coffee and am drinking that.
Well thats about it for now. I hope you all have a great day today.
carol anne


todays Dr. Barry apt

so i saw dr. barry this morning. it went well. we talked about meds. she decided to increase my epilem, which is mainly for my seizures but I also use it for my mood. she said she would write an explicit letter to my gp, because since she is not my primary prescriber of that med she wasnt really comfortable reintroducing it. she did, but she doesnt feel to comfortable doing it. i told her my gp hadnt even rang me, he’d just given me the prescription that dr. barry wrote out. so she’s going to explicitly ask him to review me. she put me up to 800 mg a day of epilem. i was taking 400 at night. she also reintroduced my metformin for my diabetes. and the prazosin also at 3 mg at night. she said she’d leave the rest for now. and i’ll be going back to see her in two weeks for my usual apt. she said there was some new paperwork and guidelines now about the epilem. apparently it causes some foetal syndrome and it is not meant to be prescribed for women of child bearing age. i dont really have to worry about it since my ovaries are gone, and I have no chance of becoming pregnant. but she had to tell me anyway, she said that they dont use it for bipolar hardly now, and she only had one patient whose on it for their mood. since mine is primarily prescribed for epilepsy and only used for mood as a secondary med it doesnt really matter, but she still had to tell me. we talked a little around my surgery to remove my ovaries, she wasnt aware I had had both ovaries removed. she apologised about bringing that up since she knows its a topic i dont like talking about since it involves my not being able to have kids. we talked a little about sleep, I told her my sleep is not great lately, that i am getting around 3 to 4 hours a night if I am lucky. she said hopefully the prazosin will help that. we talked about therapy and i told her eileen is pulling back on working on trauma stuff for right now, that we’re going to work on managing overwhelm and managing feelings. we talked about the social worker mary, mary had spoken to dr. barry at their team meeting, she’d told her we’d met and what she’d been helping me with. so then we talked a little bit about the funding I applied for and that was an interesting conversation. i told her I’d asked mary to help me apply for more PA hours. it was a good apt. I forgot that I was due my depo injection today so didnt bring it with me. so now next tuesday I have to go to the clinic so the nurse who gives the depos can give me my shot.
carol anne


Omg guys its morning already?

its morning already? I cant believe it!
I didnt want to get up! I was having a nice dream! And then my alarm woke me!
Ug! I got up at 6:45, stupid o’clock! I’m leaving in 20 minutes to go to the hospital for my two apts.
First I will see Mark my OT. Then dr. barry. I hope it wont be too busy up there. Well I’ll be first there, so I shouldnt have too much of a wait!
Ok better run and take my morning meds now. Will write about both apts when I get home!