Regular with meds again

I’m making more of an effort to be better about taking my meds. I wasn’t so good about it for a while. I was forgetting them a lot of the time. I started yesterday and decided that I need to do better. So yesterday and today I’ve taken all of my meds, and I haven’t forgotten any of them in two days now. And I think its helping. I mean, not completely sure yet, its too early to say, but my guess is it will help, and I’ll feel much better after a few days. At least, hats my hope.

It is taking a huge effort on my part, and the dissociation is so bad, but the anxiety is bad also, and so to get it down, I really need the clonidine I am prescribed, and also, my Prozac, it will help my mood.

Dr. Barry knew I wasn’t always taking my meds, she constantly checks with me, to see if I’m taking them. She will be happy to hear that I’m making an effort to not forget to take them. That will please her.

I hope it will help. And I hope I can keep it going.

Still very anxious, bad weather, and more

so i’m still very anxious. the anxiety hasnt lessened at all. i took my night meds, in the hopes that would help some, as there is clonadine in there for the anxiety.

it hasnt helped, although i only took them about 30 minutes ago. i did nap earlier which i was glad about. i got about 90 minutes of sleep. the 90 mins i got was pretty decent sleep.

we’re under a weather advisory tonight and tomorrow and i think on tuesday as well. there is talks of us having hail, sleet and snow showers. i’m not sure if we’ll get it or not but they’re saying we could. i do have therapy in the morning but thats all that i have on tomorrow. so if it is pretty bad at least i can stay home.

i just wish i felt good. i really feel awful. im not liking the feelings this anxiety is bringing up in me. hopefully in therapy tomorrow we can address some of it. i’m sure its more than just one thing causing it.

i had another call today from the weekend team. this morning, a nurse called mary who I also knew from the hospital, when she was a nurse on the ward rang me. she was nice, and she talked me through some stuff. it was a good call, and it did help me to feel a little better.

if i need the weekend team again next weekend i can ring the outpatient clinic during the week and ask for a referral to go in so that they can visit me and call me. i wont be going to my parents house next weekend, so if I get referred to them, they’ll probably come out to my house to visit me.

Well I am going to go watch operation transformation on tv now. I like following it. Its a good show and I will enjoy it and have a coffee while I watch it, as I’m going to be up for a while yet I think.

Not a good night

I didnt sleep very well last night. I’ve been up since about 4:30.

I just wasn’t able to stay asleep. I really wanted to but I just couldn’t.

My sleep is gone to hell lately!

I’m not impressed. Of course if my anxiety was less I might have some chance of getting good sleep. Fat chance of that, though.

My anxiety is really bad!

Thank god for clonidine and cups of tea!

Where would I be without them!

The meds made me sleepy!

Last night, I took 25 mg of fenergan, 2 mg of clonadine, and my regular night meds, before bed.
I wanted to watch operation transformation, which was on at 9:35. I started to watch it, but 10 mins in I fell into a deep sleep.
The meds made me so so sleepy!
I woke when it was over! And I went straight to bed then.
I slept all night! I woke up at 2:30 but I wasnt able to stay awake, so I went back to sleep again.
I woke again at 6:30, feeling so out of it!
I dont think I’m going to take the fenergan again, unless its absolutely necessary. I hate how it makes me feel.
Now, I’ve had a couple cups of coffee, so that grogginess has passed.
thank god!

A nice day!

I’ve had an ok day. I rested a lot. I did visit my friend norma. That was fun. But I was so tired, that when I got home I just made some dinner and then climbed into bed for the afternoon with my book. I feel much better now. Its 9 PM now. I will probably not sleep much now because of sleeping for so long today, but thats ok. I have an early start tomorrow. I need to get up early and shower, and then my PA frances comes at 9. We have to go grocery shopping, and then go pick up Nitro’s dog food. Also the pharmacy are delivering my meds tomorrow. Thank god as I was almost out of clonadine! And fenergan! I didnt have any fenergan and I think tomorrow night I will take one, just to see if I can get my sleep schedule back on track. I can only take fenergan when I’ve nothing going on the next day, as it knocks me out! And makes me really groggy when I wake up. My plan for the new year is to be much better about taking meds. More regular. I seem to forget to take them so much of the time. I need to become better at that. I’ll be staying home this weekend. I’m not going to my parents. I am also working tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor rang me today and asked me if I can come in as she’s short staffed. I am not sure now what I will do, maybe read some more, or find something to watch on tv.

Fears about taking meds…

I am having a lot of trouble with my meds. With taking them.

I am fearing taking them. I have a fear of gaining weight if I take them.

I know I need to talk to Dr. Barry. And I plan on doing that. I probably should have talked to her yesterday about it. I didnt, though.

I will continue to take the meds, but I have become very anxious when I have to take them. Some of my anxiety is stemming from this ongoing fear of the meds causing weight gain.

I really dont see any way around this. I need my meds. I need them in order to stay ok, and be stable.

I currently take prozac, clonadine, and trevicta, which is my 3 monthly shot. Trevicta doesnt cause weight gain at all, so that ones out. Not sure about clonadine, or prozac though.

I take depokate, and keppra for my seizures, and metphormin for my diabetes, I also sometimes take a prn of fenergan to help me sleep.

Dissociation causes me to forget to take my meds a lot. For this reason I dont always take them regularly. Dr. Barry knows this and is aware of it.

Deep down, I know I will have to take the meds, whether they cause me to gain weight or not. If I want to be well, I know I need the meds. And thats all there is to it.

I do intend on discussing this in therapy and also with dr. barry. I think I’ll feel a lot better once I do that.

Got my shot

I am just back from getting my shot. The nurse who administered it knows me, but I cant remember her, she said she remembers me from years ago when I was an inpatient on the psych unit and she was working there. I wish I could remember her, she said to me today that I seem much happier and I agreed with her that I was. I will say this. She’s good at administering the shot. It didnt even hurt, not even a little bit. I thought I was going to be early and have to wait around for a half hour, but when I got there she was free so she took me back right away. Now that its done I wont have to get it again for 3 months. I’m glad I met the nurse before today, I am glad Dr. Barry introduced me to her. Her name is Kay. She’s actually a lovely person. She’s very genuine and kind. When we came outside the office, my mom was there waiting, as she’d come with me. Kay said to her that I was doing great, and my mom said she was delighted with the progress I’d made. That was so lovely to hear. I had the biggest smile on my face on hearing my mom say how thrilled she was that I was doing so much better. Now I am back home and so glad to be inside in the warmth. Its pouring outside still. I’m glad I dont have to go out in it again today.