working on us week 13, sleep issues!

tonight for beckys working on us prompt, I am going to write a narrative, not exactly following the rules, but oh well. It is what it is, I just felt like writing down my thoughts on sleep and the issues surrounding it.
I dont sleep well at all. I suffer from dreadful insomnia. I also suffer from racing thoughts and super bad anxiety at night. I get intrusive flashbacks, nightmares, and really worrying thoughts, my mind goes 100 miles a minute at night. As soon as it gets dark, it starts. If I get 2 or 3 hours of sleep at night, its a lot. I do get a good night every now and then, but I have to be extremely exhausted for that to happen. Usually after 3 or 4 days of little to no sleep, I will crash hard, and it catches up with me.
I’ve tried a lot of things to help me sleep. Usually when I am unable to sleep I will write, I listen to music or watch tv or I read. I also sometimes take a hot shower, showering helps me calm down, and whenI write or journal it is theraputic.
I do take medication also to help me sleep. It mostly doesnt work though. I take fenergan and prazosin although the prazosin is going to be a no go soon and so I will move on to another med instead.
My symptoms always seem worse at night. I wish this wasnt the case. I know sleep is important so I do try to get it when I can.


Relaxing at home today

I am having a quiet day at home. I am glad for the rest. I didnt go to bed until after 5 AM, I wanted to be asleep, but it just wasnt coming. So at around 3:30 I lay down, but I didnt fall asleep until well after 5 AM. I slept until around 8:30, then I got up and fed nitro, had a cup of tea and decided to go back to bed for a while longer. I was able to get another 2 hours of sleep which was nice. The phone woke me. It was the nurse who gives me my 3 monthly shot, apparently I was due to get it today but I forgot about it. It was fine though, I can get it next week. I cant believe I forgot about it. Mom came over to my house for about an hour. She cleaned up the dog poop, and did a few other bits for me. It was nice to see her. I had my lunch while she was here. Now I’m feeling tired again, not sure why that is. My PA will be here at 5:30 this evening. We’re going to take Nitro out for a long walk. He needs a good run. He hasnt been getting much exercise lately so it will be good for him to go out for a long walk. I might take another nap before she arrives. I feel like I need one.


Good morning guys!

so I am a happy camper this morning! I slept great! I needed the sleep badly! I ended up going to visit my friend norma yesterday afternoon, I stayed there for about 3 hours. Then I came home, ate dinner, and decided to have an early night. I was in bed by 9 PM. And asleep by 10. And I only woke up twice during the night, for about 5 minutes each time. I am delighted. I feel much better this morning having gotten some good sleep. Im still feeling low though. I am trying to remember to take my meds every morning. I take my prozac in the morning, and my other mood stabiliser at night. I am trying hard to remember them. So far it is working. I have been taking them regularly.
My PA is coming in an hour. We’re just going to do some housework today and I need to get her to go to the store for me too. She’ll be here for 2.5 hours. I’m also meant to work today. Not sure yet whether I will go in or not though. I may just stay home today. I am kinda not really feeling up to going in but we’ll see, I may feel differently as the morning progresses.
Well going to go drink my coffee, and get dressed. Happy tuesday everyone!


#SoCs where oh where is nitro, and my meds, and my head?

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “where.” Start your post with the word “where” and write whatever comes to you. Bonus points if you end your post with “where” too. Enjoy!

Where oh where is my silly puppy! He’s not on the floor near me. He’s not on the bed. He’s not in his bed, I’ve been searching the house, calling to him to come to me, do you think he’s listening? Nooo, that silly dog has a mind of his own! He is totally ignoring me!
When I catch him he’s gonna get a telling off! But then, how can I tell him off, he’ll probably lick my hand, or face, give me his paw, and how can you get angry then? I cant. I am a big softy when it comes to dogs, and especially my dog.
Im also having trouble finding my meds tonight. I know I packed them today when I left moms. I remember packing them. But now I am searching and unable to find them. Its a good thing I have spare ones here! Otherwise I’d be really screwed!
My head is not screwed on right tonight! I am off somewhere else. My thoughts wandering. Racing a mile a minute. Now the question is how to calm my mind? Any and all suggestions are welcomed! Anyone know some good remedies for calming ones mind and thoughts? I am all ears if you do!
I think its time for me to go to bed soon, hopefully I can get a couple hours sleep tonight! I can hope cant I?

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS August 10/19

I’m not going to be able to stay on my prazosin, can this day get any worse?

So it looks like I will have to come off of prazosin. the pharmacy rang me. they are having trouble getting the med. the wholesaler who supplies them isnt supplying the prazosin, all they could get were two packets of it, with 60 tablets in each pack. i take 4 mg, so thats enough to last me for four weeks, after that I’m screwed. so the pharmacist said she was going to call dr. barry to fill her in and let her know. she was going to do that after she hung up from talking to me. so it looks like i’m gonna be without it. I’ll have to try something else I suppose. Dr. barry will have to come up with something else to try. I’m really having no luck today guys. There is so so much going on. I really cant take any more. Just when I thought I had a good thing going, and was on something that was really helping me, its gone. Or it will be in four weeks time. Gees. What a day! I just want this day to end. right now. I hope dr. barry can come up with some solution for me, some other med to try. The prazosin was really helping me with my nightmares, and we were going to increase it up to a higher dose to see if it would also help with the rest of the ptsd symptoms and with my sleep. I’m so bummed that now I cant get it any more. Ug sigh. This sucks.


Seeing Dr. Barry

i saw dr. barry yesterday. we had a good apt. it was productive. we talked about the fact that eileen is still out of the country. we discussed how incredibly caring eileen is, to have rang dr. barry and put support in place for me. dr. barry said in a crisis, eileen is incredible. i agree, she is. dr. barry asked about my sleep. i told her things are still bad with that. we talked about meds, and she encouraged me to take the fenergan every night for the next 2 weeks. she said we need to get things back on track, or otherwise I am going to be very ill. i told her I am afraid of the med, because I dont like the grogginess from it.  she said something about my body needing sleep, and when it gets some, it needs more, and so that might be why the grogginess feels so bad. she said it probably wouldnt last. i said i’d try to take the fenergan every night for the next two weeks. i’m not starting tonight though. i’m starting tomorrow night. she told me to take it an hour before i sleep. and then I should try to wind down, do my bedtime routine, so i will try it and see what happens.  she didnt increase my prazosin, she said she wanted to wait and see if we could get my sleep right again before increasing it.  we talked about me talking with alison, the other cpn on her team, while sarah is on holiday. she said she thinks its really positive that I am widening my support network. she said its important, and its positive that I am allowing others in. allowing people who I dont know to help me and support me. I told her I find change really hard, and since eileens been away there has been a lot of change. she agreed but she said I am doing really well with all of it. she’ll be going on holidays for a week at the end of august, so we discussed that as well. i think its the week that I normally wouldnt see her, so I dont think I am going to be effected by her vacation, at least not in the way I’ll miss an apt with her. I will however miss her of course, and I feel scared about her being away. I am hopeful eileen will be home by that time. I am praying hard that she will be.  I made another apt to come back to see dr. barry in two weeks time. oh yeah. i did tell her about getting my period again after so long. she encouraged me to ring my gp back and ask to speak with him. she said he may want to do a smear test, or an internal examination. another thing to freak out about. I hate internal exams, especially vaginal ones. I hope that wont have to happen, but I will ring him again and ask to speak with him. Dr. barry said its best to get it checked out, I think she’s right, it is.

Friday chatter!

I am so thankful its friday!
I got up very early. I had a fantastic nights sleep. I am also so thankful for that fact. I was up at 6:30, and I hopped in the shower! I felt so good after my shower! Its a warm day here, and it just felt so good to wake up and get in the shower right away!
I’ve had a nice chilled morning, its been relaxing. I ate breakfast, was online for a while, and am now drinking some coffee, before I get ready for work!
I’m also waiting for my meds to be delivered. My dads gone out for a while, and I am here with the dogs, but I think my dad will be back before I have to go to work.
I’m looking forward to going in to work today. I didnt go in on tuesday, so I am really looking forward to going in today. I’m glad I skipped it on tuesday, I just wasnt in a place emotionally to go in, so the easiest thing was to not go, and take care of my own mental health.
Now that I’ve done that, I will be able to be more available to my clients.
Eileen texted me last night, she’s still stuck out in spain. She doesnt know when she’s going to be coming home, she said she’d keep me updated, wich I am thankful for.