so I haven’t updated on how taking my meds has been going in a while. Its going relatively well. We still do forget them occasionally, but more often than not we’re taking them and doing it correctly. I guess that’s progress. Its hard, dissociation makes it hard to always remember them. We really have to work hard to actually remember. We tried delegating the job of taking them to lottie, but that didn’t really work out, as Lottie wasn’t out enough to keep track properly. She still does like to have the job of being in charge of them though. Like of making sure no one is stockpiling them or making sure that the right amount of pills are out for each day. She did take them too for a while but like I said shes not out enough to do it every day. So the task has fallen to me, of Jade, or Amy. That’s ok though. Between us 3 we’re managing. I’ve had no side effects either from going back on all of our meds. That pleases me. I hate side effects. The only meds we aren’t back on fully now are lyrica and Prozac. We’re back taking everything else properly. I think over the next month of two we’ll probably go back on the rest of the meds. Probably after dr. barrys vacation she’ll start us back on them. I’m happy I can report that things seem to be going fine. Its a huge relief to me.
so i saw dr. barry this morning. Our appointment went well.
we talked about the fact that my mood had dipped for the last week, and how I was going to go back to the basement club and mind my mental health better than I had been doing. she thought that was a very good idea. I told her about all the staff changes in the basement club, how unsettling the whole thing was for us. She agreed it would be and could understand why it was effecting us so deeply.
we talked about symptoms, mainly sleep, mood, and dissociative stuff. I told her about therapy, about this weeks session. We decided to wait until the end of the month before adding back any more meds to our regime. She asked me if there were any more incidents of insiders trying to OD or stockpiling meds, I said there wasnt. So the next time I see her she said she’d look at adding back the prozac and lyrica or maybe just one of them, she said we’d talk about it at the next apt.
She asked me if the social worker Mary had called me to let me know about applying for more PA hours, how I’d have to go through my public health nurse to apply, that the social worker cant do it for me. I said she had called me. Then she broke the news to me as gently as she could.
Mary is moving on. She will no longer be the social worker on dr. barrys team. She got another job, a better one, and she took it. She’s not even with the team a year yet. And now she’s moving on. I was just getting to know her and now she’ll be gone.
I sat and listened, and sighed inwardly. Honestly, I wasnt shocked. I did however expect that she’d be around longer than 8 months. But well, she wont be. So I guess thats that. Someone new will be appointed. So it will be me trying to get to know another new face, another new social worker.
Dr. barry did say that she thought that there would be no social worker on her team for a while. She didnt know how long it would take before a new one will be appointed. Mary is working out her notice and then she will leave.
There is one small consolation. At least I hadnt built up too much of a relationship or bond with her. We were only just starting out. That is one good thing at least. There wont be another painful goodbye.
In fact if I am honest, I didnt think she was all that good at what she did. Granted I am comparing her to Karen, who was brilliant at what she did, but still. She mary, just expected me to do everything, and did not do much of anything herself. I am all for advocating for oneself but well when a social workers job is to do certain things, and then they say you can ring this or that person, speak to them, and stuff try to get done what you had asked her to do, its not good.
Dr. barry also told me new junior doctors had started this week. Two male doctors. It really doesnt make a huge difference to me, I dont ever have to see them, but I prefer when there is a female on the team, just in case dr. barry is ever out or on holiday, I have a doctor I can go to in an emergency. But these new ones are both males.
Those two pieces of news were the big pieces.
she is bringing me back in 10 days time, because on the day she’d usually see me there is some other clinic going on and she cant see patients on that day, so she asked me if I wanted to come back in 10 days time. I said that was fine, but it now means I will have therapy and my dr. barry apt on the same day.
I bet I’ll be exhausted after two apts in one day!
Anyway, it was a good appointment overall.
i’m gonna be busy today. i have quite a few goals. so here goes, my goals list for Monday.
eat a healthy breakfast
go to therapy
discuss sirenas suicide attempt with eileen
give kids time in therapy
eat a healthy lunch
exercise for 30 minutes
take nitro to get his vaccinations
get dog food
eat a healthy dinner
read a few chapters of my book
call my friend
go to bed early if possible
soI slept for 2 hours. I was exhausted. Could not keep my eyes open. Well I figure I must have needed it. Was very confused though when I woke up, did not know what time I had. It was 8:30 PM. I thought for a few seconds it was the middle of the night.
Ineed to take my meds soon. I went back on them. I started back on them on Sunday. And I had no adverse side effects which is good! I was able to go back on them without anything bad happening to me. That is what I hoped would happen. So its nice that it did, its great that I didnt have a bad reaction to them.
cI have to confess something here.
I haven’t been taking my meds lately. My meds for my ptsd, depression and mood, and anxiety.
I just got sick of them. I know this is bad. I know I should take them. And I will get back to it this week.
I am just so fed up of being on psychotropic meds. They are helpful I know to some degree. But they make me gain weight, there are other unwanted symptoms, and they zombify me.
And I hate it. I really really hate it.
Dr. barry would have something to say if she knew that I hadn’t taken them. So I wont be telling her. I know its dishonest of me. But I will just start taking them again, and hope I don’t have any adverse side effects. Otherwise I will have to mention it to her.
so i started the new dose of prazosin last night. I’m now taking 2 mg of it.
so far I’ve not had any adverse side effects. i didnt notice a difference in how i’ve been either.
the sleep situation is still not resolved. i had been getting less nightmares, but im still getting some.
but i know it takes a while for the med to kick in and do its job. so i’ll give it some time.
but dr. barry had said it might make me dizzy or groggy. but it hasnt done that.
I’m delighted. i know its a low dose but i’m happy with the dose for now.