so today was the day mom had her scan. we got up at 6 AM. mom was fasting so she couldnt eat breakfast. I ate and then showered and got dressed. we left for the hospital at 7:45. when we got there mom checked in. then she had to drink x ray dye, she had to drink a couple of glasses of that. they mixed it with juice so it didnt taste too bad. eventually she was called in to have her scan. my aunt who is her sister had come with us as well so while mom was in having the scan we had a coffee. after the scan we had to go upstairs to the reapid access lung clinic for her results. the scan she had was a thorax scan. we got up stairs and a nurse took her in to an office to weigh her and do her height. then a second nurse took her to another office to talk to her about quitting cigarettes. she has already quit cigarettes but she smokes an E cig. after that we had to wait for the doctor. eventually he called her in and me and my aunt went in with her. basically he said that the middle of her right lung is totally collapsed. we already knew that. he said that there is something in the tube of the lung, a tumour, but he couldnt really see it clearly even though she got the dye in her body today. so he is bringing her back for more tests. over the next two weeks she will have to have a pet scan. a pet scan basically shows up any active parts of the body that shouldnt be active. so if there are cells there or if the organs are doing any weird things it will show up. so she will have that some time over the next week or two. then on February 2nd she has to go in for a biopsy. they will put a camera down into her lung and see what is going on in there. she will go in for the day as a day patient to have that done. she will get the results of that the same day. so basically on feb 2nd we will have a complete and full diagnosis. i am a wreck. i have held it together but just barely. my mind is doing 90, my thoughts are going miles a minute. i mean the tumour could benon cancerous but then again it could be cancerous. we just wont know until further tests are done. the fact that she has a tumour scares the living life out of me. i just did not want it to go this way. and we still dont have answers. after we finished in the rapid access lung clinic we went to have some food. i tried to gage how mom was doing but shes putting up a brave front. i feel like i am the only one whose worrying. no one else in the family is saying much of anything, not even my sister. i feel so alone with all of this. i could really use support right now guys. a huge weight feels like its crushing my chest. it feels like it is going to swallow me up. im trying very hard to be strong for mom. its not easy though. somethings gonna give soon and i think when it does Ill completely lose it and fall apart.