Unstable emotional state

today I am feeling down. Thank god Eileen has offered me a phone check in later on this evening. I need it. I woke up feeling very off. I just felt like I couldnt do anything, go anywhere, I felt like I wouldnt accomplish anything today. And I really didnt. I canceled art therapy with Emily. I canceled going in to the basement club. I even canceled dinner tonight with friends. I just feel like I need to stay home. I need to do some sootheing activities. Some self care. I need to look after myself. Im not sure if its after effects from giving a statement to the police last night. It could be I guess. I felt like that went ok though. But I dont know, I just feel unstable today. I guess I just need some down time to recover. Thats ok too I guess. I’ve gone back home now to my own house, as I have my PA amanda tomorrow morning. So I need to be here for her. I am planning on going to the gym tomorrow morning. I havent been there in ages. I need to get back to it. Tomorrow seems as good a time as any to start going again.

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No gym!

I haven’t gone to the gym again today. I didn’t go yesterday either.

Mom asked me this morning if it would be ok if we didn’t go today. She said she had to catch up on some ironing and housework. So I said it would be ok for us not to go today.

To be totally honest I wasn’t really in a good space mentally today and so wasn’t in the mood for exercising.

I will however push myself. And I will be going tomorrow!

I need to go. I need to get the feel good endorphins from doing the exercise. So tomorrow it is then!

My friend came through for me

My friend rose really came through today for me. I know we’ve had our issues lately but she’s been so supportive and helpful during my hard day today. She told me she’d be my sponsor! Ha I had to laugh at that! She told me Rosie says I need R and R rest and relaxation time and to have my breakfast tomorrow morning and then go right back to bed! I probably wont but we’ll see who knows, I may just do it!
I’m so delighted to have such amazing friends. I really appreciate that she has taken time to text with me today. It means so much to me and I am thankful for friends like her.

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Low mood

I am feeling really off today. my moods so low. so i went to mom and dads. i rang mom and i told her i felt off. i asked her if it would be ok if I came over. Of course she said yes that I should come over. So I did. I just feel so down. I’m struggling with memories, and intense emotions. The memories are awful. Its so hard to feel them come up. I had to ring amanda who is my PA and tell her I wouldnt be able to do our hours tomorrow. She was ok with that though. Because I didnt give her enough notice, she will still get payed. You had to give 24 hours notice or more before the PA doesnt get payed. I dont really feel up to doing anything this evening, so I think I’ll just chill out. Read and stuff. Just want to try to get through the rest of tonight. Sarah the CPN rang today also. Dr. barry had spoken to her and she’s going to ring me the weeks that I dont see dr. barry. So I’ll see dr. barry one week and on the alternative week Sarah will phone me. We had a good chat. She’s really nice and very understanding. She said I can do this I can get through the month and I will be ok, I just have to keep reminding myself that this month is half over now and I can make it through it. She is right, I know I can. I just do need to keep saying that to myself and hopefully that will help me get through it.

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attention! VJ’s weekly challenge!

So I have decided to participate in VJ’s weekly challenge this week!

VJs suggestions to Participate:

  • Create a post on your blog.
  • Tag it VJWC.
  • Link back to this page or leave a link to your post in the comments.
  • Read and comment on other posts.
  • Look forward to your responses.

My attention span is not great, tonight. I am trying to pay attention to my body, my mood, my anxiety levels, I am trying but failing miserably.

Its late. I should be in bed. Its now gone midnight. I cant seem to settle down. I am trying to listen to my body, pay attention to it, see what it is it needs.

So far nothing is coming to mind. Nothing is jumping out at me. There is no clarity. There is just, nothing.

I feel its important to try to figure this out, so I will keep being attentive, I will keep on trying, I will try and hope for the best with it. And I will hope for some good sleep tonight too!


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mood dip

I feel sort of depressed. I felt it coming on just a few mins ago. My mood dipped all of a sudden. Just out of the blue.

No warning, just down I went. Sigh.

My chest feels tight, I want to curl up and hide. I’m going to take a nice bubble bath. I am hopeful that will help. I also made tea. Tea is my go to thing when I am feeling low.

Maybe its tiredness. I just feel like crap.

I hope it wont last all evening. Its Friday, I should be happy about that.

naps and relaxing

so i had a really quiet afternoon. i did absolutely nothing.
i just slept. yes i know its lazy but oh well. dont really care. i needed the rest.
i slept from around 1:30 until 5:30. yes it means i will be late going to sleep tonight, but well thats ok with me. as long as i get 7 hours of sleep tonight if i can manage it, i’ll be happy.
my mom was very helpful to me today. she went out with my sister to buy camping supplies, i asked her if she’d pick up fruit for the week for me. she said of course she would so i gave her some money and she brought me back a ton of fruit. so now i’m well stocked up for the week.
i’ve decided that I am going to spend the week at my parents house. i could have went home for a few days and came back again nearer the weekend. but mom asked me today if I’d like to stay for the week. since mom and my sis are going camping next weekend with the kids, i’ll be staying here with my dad then. so really that means i’ll be here from today until next monday.
thats fine, though. i’ll do what i normally do in any given week. all it means is that i’ll sleep here and eat here.
thanks to all of you for all of the support today. it meant so much to us.
we really are blessed to have so many people who read our blog who care. your all amazing.
carol anne

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