outa wack!

I’m really out of sorts!

I went to my parents, was going there tomorrow anyway, so said I’d go today instead.

I feel so irritable! Liz is close by!

I can tell because I am moody and grumpy and I know she felt that was since she woke up this morning!

I am also anxious, again! Ug sigh!

I made some tea! Tea makes everything better, as Emily always says.

I hope she’s right! I am just so over the anxiety and feeling so anxious.

Its incredibly frustrating!

If anyone has a few suggestions for me on how to feel less anxious, I’d love to hear them!

My moods dipping and I want to bring it up again!

No work today, and heard from Eileen

So I didnt go in to work today. I woke up feeling terrible. I decided the best thing I could do was stay home. No point in me going in there and trying to listen to others when I am not doing well myself.
I still feel very anxious. I woke up a few times during the night with crippling anxiety. I even got up once and went out to the kitchen to get a glass of water and something to eat.
I really do think the best thing is for me to just stay out of work today. I do my job much better when I am in a good mood, and feeling positive and ok in myself.
Eileen texted me last night. She said she was finished her training and she was looking forward to seeing us on monday. I texted her back, wishing her a nice weekend and I said I couldnt wait until monday to see her.
It was nice to be able to go to sleep knowing she’d texted us. Felt great just hearing from her.

feeling low

I’m struggling. I started to get triggered about half an hour ago. I feel really low right now. My emotions are all over the place. I just feel really really bad.
thank god i dont have to go anywhere tomorrow. i can just chill at home. i am so glad. my pa nuala is back tomorrow, after six weeks off work with a broken ankle. i was going to take nitro out walking but i dont think I’ll do that, I think I’ll have her do housework for me since I didnt get it done today.
right now i feel like jumping out of my skin. everything around me is feeling horrible. i am an anxious mess. words are failing me too so i am sorry if this post sounds a little jumbled.
at least i have nitro. he’s calm. he calms me down. he’s always so laid back and i love that about him. he can calm me down on my worst days and my worst nights. i will cuddle him and instantly i feel better.
i hope this emotional pain i am feeling doesnt last all night. i didnt sleep good last night and i was hoping for a better night tonight but it isnt looking too good for me. oh well. if i dont slleep i will write, i will watch tv, and i will read. i should try to finish off my maggie hartley book, since the new cathy glass one comes out on the fifth and i cant wait to read that.
if anyones around I could use an ear. I’d appreciate some supportive words and some friends right now to help me to get through this tough night.
thanks guys love you all xoxo

feeling better today

I feel much better this morning. I slept great. I woke up once but was able to go back to sleep after about an hour. I am much brighter this morning. My mind doesnt feel so cluttered. I actually am feeling great. Thank you to all of you for all of the support last night. Just reading all of your kind comments made me get warm fuzzy feelings inside. It means so much to me to have all of you reading and supporting me. I decided to read last night, and then just go to bed early, I was in bed and asleep by 10 PM. I am glad I did that, sometimes its the only way when you feel bad.

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Managed to go into work!

I did it, I went in to work. Despite my low mood. Despite feeling really off. I couldnt not go in. I knew they were short staffed, and they were dependingn on me. So I opted to go in. I even went in early. I went in in the morning, and stayed until the afternoon. But I did get home a little earlier than usual. I had a good shift. All of my clients were in good spirits. It was nice to chat to them. Some of them were so appreciative of my call. One lady in particular kept telling me how grateful she was for my call. Hearing that makes all the difference and spurs me on to keep doing the job. I get so much out of it. I am happy I pushed through my low mood and went in today. I feel all the better for it. When I got home I napped for 2 hours. I just felt like napping, so I did. Now I feel energised and full of life again.

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that groggy feeling

I woke up this morning feeling very hungover! I am so groggy! I took some new meds last night to help me sleep. I took 4 MG of prazosin and 25 mg of fenergan! And man am I groggy from them! I slept for an hour at first after taking them, then got up for an hour, went back to bed again, and slept for the rest of the night! I hope this wears off quickly. I hate feeling so out of it!
It is a horrible feeling! I just wanted to keep sleeping, I didnt want to wake up at all! I am up now, and my PA is here. I am drinking some tea to try to wake up!
I seriously hope the feeling doesnt last! If it does I dont know what I’ll do!

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sleeping a lot and work stuff

I didnt go into work yesterday. I couldnt face it. I hadnt slept at all on Monday night, so I didnt feel I’d be much use to my clients as I was so tired. So I didnt go in, and instead I slept. I didnt just sleep for a few hours though. I stayed in bed all afternoon and evening, I only got up for half an hour to eat and then went right back to bed again.
I felt so worn out. I didnt feel able to get up. I do feel though that when I do sleep for long periods its too long. I dont know whether its the depression making me sleep for so long, as I still feel really depressed. I do know though that when I do go to sleep for long periods its for almost an entire day. I do feel better then, for a little while. Like, I feel more energised for a day or so but then I am back to feeling so tired and exhausted again.
My supervisor was ok with me not going into work, she asked me if I’d help her out on Thursday morning, I do have a mentoring apt then, but I told her after my appointment I’d go in and stay for a few hours. I’m also working on Friday too, on friday afternoon.
I am seeing dr. barry this morning and I plan on telling her how depressed we are. I am also planning on telling her about the sleep issues, and our overall general mood issues we’ve been having.

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