Managed to go into work!

I did it, I went in to work. Despite my low mood. Despite feeling really off. I couldnt not go in. I knew they were short staffed, and they were dependingn on me. So I opted to go in. I even went in early. I went in in the morning, and stayed until the afternoon. But I did get home a little earlier than usual. I had a good shift. All of my clients were in good spirits. It was nice to chat to them. Some of them were so appreciative of my call. One lady in particular kept telling me how grateful she was for my call. Hearing that makes all the difference and spurs me on to keep doing the job. I get so much out of it. I am happy I pushed through my low mood and went in today. I feel all the better for it. When I got home I napped for 2 hours. I just felt like napping, so I did. Now I feel energised and full of life again.


that groggy feeling

I woke up this morning feeling very hungover! I am so groggy! I took some new meds last night to help me sleep. I took 4 MG of prazosin and 25 mg of fenergan! And man am I groggy from them! I slept for an hour at first after taking them, then got up for an hour, went back to bed again, and slept for the rest of the night! I hope this wears off quickly. I hate feeling so out of it!
It is a horrible feeling! I just wanted to keep sleeping, I didnt want to wake up at all! I am up now, and my PA is here. I am drinking some tea to try to wake up!
I seriously hope the feeling doesnt last! If it does I dont know what I’ll do!


sleeping a lot and work stuff

I didnt go into work yesterday. I couldnt face it. I hadnt slept at all on Monday night, so I didnt feel I’d be much use to my clients as I was so tired. So I didnt go in, and instead I slept. I didnt just sleep for a few hours though. I stayed in bed all afternoon and evening, I only got up for half an hour to eat and then went right back to bed again.
I felt so worn out. I didnt feel able to get up. I do feel though that when I do sleep for long periods its too long. I dont know whether its the depression making me sleep for so long, as I still feel really depressed. I do know though that when I do go to sleep for long periods its for almost an entire day. I do feel better then, for a little while. Like, I feel more energised for a day or so but then I am back to feeling so tired and exhausted again.
My supervisor was ok with me not going into work, she asked me if I’d help her out on Thursday morning, I do have a mentoring apt then, but I told her after my appointment I’d go in and stay for a few hours. I’m also working on Friday too, on friday afternoon.
I am seeing dr. barry this morning and I plan on telling her how depressed we are. I am also planning on telling her about the sleep issues, and our overall general mood issues we’ve been having.


Depressed, and feeling really off

I’ve been super depressed all day yesterday and today. I had such a fantastic day out with mom on saturday, so I am not sure what happened, except I think I was already depressed from last week and it just reared its ugly head again yesterday.
I spent all day yesterday in bed. I couldnt get up. I couldnt face anyone. Or do anything. It was awful. I did get up to eat, I got up and ate breakfast, went online for about an hour, but then just layed back down and slept. It was like I just had no energy to do anything.
I eventually got up at 6:30. Spent a few hours online and watching tv and reading.
I still feel crappy this morning. We have therapy in an hour. Thank god for Eileen. We badly need therapy today. We need to talk. We need to try to figure this out.
I hope we can. I hope when we get there we dont dissociate. We did dissociate pretty badly during our session last week, and I hope there wont be a repeat of it this week.
I’m hoping Eileen has some advice for us. We could use it right now. I really feel so bla and I want this depression to go away. And quickly.


Not really in the mood

I’m so not in the mood for work today. I dont know, I just feel like I would do better if I didnt go in, but then, part of me is like, no, I need to push through this and go in.

People are depending on me. I need to not let them down.

So probably I will just push on through and go in and put in the hours, I’ll probably feel better after I do.

Anyone got any thoughts?


Morning ramble

I am feeling good this morning. I feel good because I was able to go back to sleep, even though I woke up at 5 AM! I only stayed up for half an hour, then I went back to bed, and I slept until 9 AM! Yay! Sleeping in was good! It felt nice to be able to do that!
I had a nice breakfast and am now just messing around online, on twitter, reading blogs, I made coffee, it is delicious!
Life feels good! And I got trhough the summer solstice too so yay! I managed to get through it in one piece! For that, I am so grateful!
I talked to my mom this morning, she said it hasn’t rained yet at the campsite, I’d say we’ll have some rain later on today though, as its very cloudy outside and the sky looks dark too.
Mom is enjoying her trip. She said if it doesn’t rain she’s going to go walking this morning.
My friend Norma rang me, she is in a good mood. She just rang for a chat. Its nice to have friends who do that. I am so glad I do.
I have no plans today, just going to chill, relax, just do nothing, enjoy my free time. May have a bath later, for some self care, may read, I started a new book, just a child by Sammy woodhouse. Its good. I am on chapter 3 now.

My apt with dr. barry for this past week

I had an amazing apt with dr. barry yesterday. I got there and I was expecting to be waiting about an hour to see her. but within 5 mins of getting there she came out to get me. She said she’s reorganised the clinic, so that people have not got a long wait time, she said she doesnt know how long she can make it work, but for now its working so that is good.
We went in to her office and I told her how depressed I’ve been. We talked about my mood and about this week being the summer solstace. I told her Eileen had offered to check in with us as much as we need to this week as she knows we’ve been struggling so much. Dr. Barry said that was a good thing.
She decided to put me on haldol longterm. 5 MG at night. She said she’d also increase my prazosin, I am on 3 MG at the moment, she said she needs to do some more reading up on it before we increase it, so for now I am to stay on 3 MG for another month. She thinks the prazosin will help my ptsd longterm, it has been helpful, so I am hoping it will lessen my nightmares.
We’re also going to increase my prozac next month from 20 MG to 40 MG.
Basically the majority of our conversation was about meds. I did tell her that I wouldnt be taking up the employment initiative that the national council for the blind was doing, I said I had a change of heart about it since there was no guarantee of a work placement at the end of it. This means that I can now see her again in the mornings, which is going to be better as usually by the late afternoon I’m exhausted.
We scheduled another apt for two weeks time. I really hope putting me on haldol is going to be helpful. I’m already on one antipsychotic, trevicta, which is a 3 monthly shot, so adding another one was risky, but she said since I’ve been on it before she was ok with prescribing it for me.
She gave me an emergency prescription and its being delivered to me tomorrow so I can take the meds over the weekend and see how I go with being on them.
Wish me luck!