Loss of another of my clients

I am in the office now about to start my shift.
We lost another client. I just found out on the way here. In the car.
She died of natural causes. My supervisor thinks she died of a heart attack. I had only recently started talking to her, so I didnt know her that well.
She’d been a client of friendly call for a while though.
But she was only on my list for the last few weeks.
She was in her sixties. She was ill with stomach issues, her stomach was quite swollen, but nobody really knew why, she didnt even know.
she’d seen a few doctors about it. She also had mental health difficulties.
My supervisor said they’d done some work for her around the house, like cutting her lawn and a few other little things like fixing her tv and stuff.
Its sad she passed away so suddenly. It was a shock to me when I found out.
I hope she’s at peace now and in no more pain.

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From Alexa. Healing thought for Tuesday

Today’s Quote:
Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something.
H. Jackson Brown Jr.

****
This is so true! Its definitely true for me anyway.
Alexa

Yet another death of another of my friendly call clients…will the loss ever end?

well guys, bad news, more bad news.
my supervisor told me today on the drive to the office that another client died. His name was daniel. He was in his 80’s. He was one of my regular callers. He was such a kind, gentle man. A very genuine warm kind caring person.
We arent sure what exactly happened to him. I talked to him last Tuesday afternoon, and then I couldnt get through to him on friday, but it turns out that by then he was already dead, we just didnt know it yet. My supervisor went on rip.ie which is a site where you can find out whose died. She saw his name on there.
I am heartbroken as I knew this guy really well. I am saddened at his loss. I will really miss him. He always made me laugh, and I looked forward to our chats every week.
We’ve lost four of our clients in the space of 2 or 3 weeks now. Its so sad. I really hope we dont lose anyone else. I really feel unable to handle any more loss. I am struggling as it is. I am really finding it difficult to come to terms with all these losses.
If you pray, please pray. If not, send good vibes thoughts to me. I really need them right now. I just hope all of the clients who died lately are now at peace.

Sad news. I lost another client

Yesterday afternoon I went volunteering, as i normally do. My supervisor picked me up. On the way there, she gave me some bad news. Actually it wasnt just bad news, it was quite shocking.
She told me that one of our clients had died. She was 72 years old. She died last Thursday evening, what had happened was, on Friday afternoon I had tried to call her and I didnt get through to her. So I told my supervisor that I didnt manage to get through. My supervisor thought she might be sleeping as she did that sometimes in the afternoon. So we thought no more of it and we said we’d try again on Monday.
On Saturday morning my supervisor was at home and she had to look up a website about funeral arrangements for a family member. She scrolled to the section for cork, and there before her eyes, the clients name appeared. Of course she was immediately in shock. She immediately called the clients next of kin to see what had happened to her.
What happened is quite morbid, but I will tell you anyway. On thursday evening the client fell down the stairs, backwards. She lay there on the floor all night, we arent sure if she was killed upon falling, or if she lay there for a while still alive. On friday morning, a passer by saw some blood coming out from under her door, and they called the police, and when the police went there they found her dead.
Of course we’re all in shock. She’d been a client of friendly call for the past 8 years. My supervisor took it really hard as she’d been visiting her one to one for a while as well as having her be on the phone service. I’m actually also in shock myself about it. The fact of how it happened, it is very disturbing to me.
You just really never know from day to day what is going to happen to you do you? I mean we talked to her on Thursday, she was fine, then this happened to her that night. Its very disturbing. She had a lot of serious mental health issues, and she was very hard work, but despite all that, none of us wanted anything like this to happen to her. Its just awful. So that was what I faced yesterday. I wasnt ok for the entire afternoon after hearing it. It really effected me deeply.
I’m a little bit better today. After a long chat about it to dr. barry I feel much better. I am reminded though of just how precious life really is. And also of how my work can and does really impact me on a deep level. I love my work, but I hate losing clients, and this is the second client who I’ve lost in the space of 2 months.

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poetry

pain swirls
around me like a whirlwind
i sit and wait
wait for it to end
but it doesnt
it continues to make me crazy
i shake uncontrollably
i sit and whimper
that feeling of grief
of all that i’ve lost
it creeps up on me
before i can even see
or notice
pain, grief
its all the same
and i think
to myself
how i’m to blame

Heartbroken

i am so heartbroken over my friend katie’s death. i just cant believe i will never talk to her again. i will never hear her infectious laugh. i will never hear her tell a joke. i will never be able to send her another card or present. the last two presents i gave her, one for her birthday a unicorn, and one for christmas which was a stuffed panda bear. she opened up the unicorn on camera. and it was the only birthday present she got that year. i have known her online for 8 years. that is a long time. a really long time. i was super close to her. we shared a lot. she had struggled so much in her short life. to have this happen to her at only 33? it just doesnt seem fair. why couldnt she catch a break? why didnt the people who should have cared, care? why was she left floundering and struggling on her own? she had so many needs that went unmet. as well as her blindness, and foetal alcohol syndrome, she had mental illnesses, mainly ptsd, depression, suicidality and dissociative disorder. she should have been able to get the help she needed and deserved. i feel so bad that she couldnt get help. its just sooo unfair. i have very little words tonight. alls i can say is it is depressing. i am depressed. i am grief stricken. i am heartbroken. why did she have to die? i hate that this happened. I want to beat up all the so called professionals who didnt help her. i want to know exactly what happened to her. was it a suicide? was she sick and just never recovered? i know she had been sick with a headcold and flu type virus. but was that enough to do this? or did she finally have enough and end it? I am trying to find out. I have asked on her fb page. I hope I find out the truth. For now rip Katie, you are one of the kindest, most thoughtful, caring people I ever knew. Shine bright, and fly free.
carol anne

Poetry…she left me

i wanted to believe
you’d never hurt me
i tried so hard
but you broke my heart
you wrapped me in care
you showered me with false promises
then when it all got too much
you said no more
i cant work with you
was what you said
but you must not think its you
was what you said
it isnt you, it me
how could i think anything else
my heart was broken
once again
but you didnt see
how much your leaving
effected me