Coming up on 1 AM

we’re still up and awake. at almost 1 AM.
Shirley went to bed at 11, she did manage to fall asleep but only slept for a few minutes. woke up in a weird headspace. feeling kinda spacy. and anxious. nothing new there we were anxious for most of this evening.
should really try to get some shut eye but no point, doubt I will until I am absolutely shattered and even then I doubt we get much sleep tonight.
some of the kids in the system are up as well. something spooked a few of them. they wont tell me what it was though. they are just acting very skittish.
All I can do is keep reassuring them. I put on some relaxation music. I might also read for a while in a little bit.
I got a little bit hungry so I ate some fruit. Its so lonely being the only person in the house awake.



staring blankly
she starts to think
starts to tremble
shake uncontrollably
flashes engulf her mind and body
flashes from the past
she begins to cry
silent tears
silent screams
nothing escapes her lips
quivering, shaking
trembling, she pulls her arms tightly around her body
she waits for the tornado to disapate
it does, eventually
as she lies on her bed
she wonders why
and softly cries

Em. Struggling

hhihih it me Emily
I’m struggling tonight. I feel so gross. I feel unlovable. fat. ugly. and I hate how I feel. and I hate my body.

it disgusts me. I hate how I look. I know we are losing weight. and people have noticed it. commented that we are looking fab. I don’t see it though.

I just feel so sad. sad and lonely and unloved and unseen in my struggle.

Emily age 12

flashback trauma

flashbacks are kicking our collective ass. horrific memories are running rampant. taunting us. making us crazy. sending us spiraling. triggering us into a place of emotional instability.

Right now, I feel awful. I want an end to this pain. An end is all I want.

But it never ends. The pain threatens to take me down. If only the memories would stop?