5 AM ramble

so i woke up at 5 am. i wanted to stay in bed but i was restless so got up. also my bladder was giving me trouble. i think i drank too much before i went to bed. i needed to go to the bathroom pretty badly so that also got me up. now i am up and very agitated. i dont know what to do with myself. i feel uneasy and agitated and restless and i am getting overwhelmed too. its so hard. i should probably go eat breakfast but i’m not in the mood to make anything. mom will be coming over later this morning with my sister. they’ll stay for a couple of hours at least. then this evening I’m going to a book club meeting. I havent been in a while so its a little awkward. I dont know what book they are reading but I’m sure tonight I’ll find out and I can start participating in the next meeting. The meetings happen once a month. I want to get out of the house as much as possible. I like having a distraction to help me distract from my down mood. I feel very down right now. Very depressed and alone. I think at night though you always feel more alone and like nobodys there. Its difficult to feel the feelings. I dont like it. It doesnt matter whether I like it or not, it is what it is. And it sucks.