Dog’s Rules for Christmas
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear
to be more stressed out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting
dog cuddles.
2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not
assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some
special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent
place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to
you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you
need to know:
a. Don’t pee on the tree.
b. Don’t drink water in the container that holds the tree.
c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree.
d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or
that have your name on them, don’t rip them open.
e. Don’t chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall
to the tree.
5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit
during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for
some discretion on your part: Not all strangers appreciate kisses and
cleans. Don’t eat off the buffet table. Beg for goodies subtly. Be pleasant,
even if unknowing strangers sit on your spot on the sofa — they don’t know
any better. Don’t drink out of glasses that are left within your reach
unless you can get away with it.
6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also
be important: Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other
people’s houses (4a is particularly important). Respect the territory of
other animals that may live in the house. Be nice to the kiddies. Turn on
your charm big time.
7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your
fireplace in the middle of the night. DO NOT BITE HIM!
