Tag: Jokes

Why dogs are better than kids

It doesn’t take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter.

Dogs cannot lie.

Dogs never resist nap time.

You don’t need to get extra phone lines for a dog.

Dogs don’t pester you about getting a kid.

Dogs don’t care if the peas have been touched by the mashed potatoes.

Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.

Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.

Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42

Average cost of sending a kid: $103,000

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Dogs and computers!

Hope this gets to the list.

Dogs and Computers – Same or Different

Favorite Food

Dogs: kibbles

Computers: bits

Method used to end undesirable behavior

Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper

Computers: hit control-alt-delete

After destruction of personal property

Dogs: dog not found

Computers: file not found

Favorite trick

Dogs: roll over

Computers: play dead

Fun way to mess with their heads

Dogs: peanut butter on roof of mouth

Computers: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive

Consequence of virus

Dogs: replace valuable carpeting

Computers: replace valuable data

Waste disposal tool

Dogs: pooper-scooper

Computers: CCleaner

Sensitive internal procedures

Dogs: must be undertaken by fully qualified professional

Computers: may be undertaken by that guy at work who fixed one kind of
like this

once

Method of marking territory

Dogs: lifting leg

Computers: “Designed for Windows”

Unique behavior

Dogs: lick and drag

Computers: click-and-drag

Inexplicable physical feature

Dogs: declaw

Computers: scroll lock key

Estimated life

Dogs: 12 years

Computers: 12 months

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Have a giggle!

HI EVERYONE
ITS LIZ! I THOUGHT I’D DO THE WORD OF THE DAY CHALLENGE, THE WORD FOR THE DAY WAS GIGGLE! SO HERE YOU GO, A FEW OF MY SARCASTIC PHRASES, HAVE A GOOD GIGGLE AT THESE!
😀
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”
– Steven Wright

“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

“Find your patience before I lose mine.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”

“Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”

“Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”

“I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…”

“Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.”

“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”

“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/08/11/giggle/

Laugh of the day. Ross brown prank calls the jeremy kyle show!

Ross brown is a local cork comedian. He’s very very funny. The Jeremy kyle show is a UK day time chat show. Its trashy. Here is ross, prank calling them. Listen to this and have a good laugh!