unable to fall asleep
sleep oh sleep
where have you gone?
why do you want to torture me?
Sleep oh sleep
Why dont you
Come find me?
I close my eyes
They shoot open again
I turn over
I try to read
I try to count sheep
sleep oh sleep
I hate you
I am wide awake. I cant sleep. At least my headache is gone. Thank god!
I’m full of anxious thoughts. Full of awful anxious feelings. Anxiety is awful I am so over it and I wish it would just disappear.
I was feeling cold, so put my heat on, and turned on the radio, there is a repeat of this mornings talk show on. I have already heard it, but mostly I put the radio on for background noise.
My friend Norma said she’d come over this morning, she’s going to bring me some gloves, disposable gloves to use when I go to the ATM machine tomorrow, because well, you don’t know whose been using it before you so its a good idea to wear the gloves when touching it. Well I think so anyway.
I did sleep a little bit, but I wish I’d gotten a bit more sleep. I dozed on and off, but I couldnt fall into a deep sleep. I am too worked up. This coronavirus has me so anxious.
I’m worried about my sister now possibly having it, she’s been around me and so I am worried in case I will catch it too. Its a huge worry too in case my mom will catch it. Dont know what I’d do if anything was to happen to my mom. Will just have to hope that the lady who my sister worked for doesnt have it and so she couldnt have passed it on to her.
I’m gonna go make a cup of coffee, I need a caffeine fix. Lol. 😀
ITS ALMOST 10:30 AND I WISH I COULD SLEEP. BEEN UP SINCE 7 THIS MORNING, YOUD THINK I’D BE SLEEPING OR HEADING THAT WAY BY NOW. NO SUCH LUCK. INSTEAD I AM SITTING HERE TEARING MY HAIR OUT AND DRINKING TEA, AND BEFORE ANYONE RIPS INTO ME ABOUT CAFFEINE, I HAVE TO DRINK IT. IT CALMS ME. AT LEAST ITS NOT COFFEE RIGHT? IS THERE MORE CAFFEINE IN COFFEE THAN IN TEA? I DUNNO. FUCK IT I SAY. I NEED A BREAK FROM MY RACING THOUGHTS. I’M JEALOUS OF NITRO, HE’S SNORING SOUNDLY AT MY FEET. IT REALLY IS A DOGS LIFE. ANXIETYS A FUCKING BITCH. MINE IS REALLY HIGH TONIGHT. THIS TIME OF YEAR REALLY SUCKS FOR US. THE MONTH LEADING UP TO OUR BIRTHDAY AND EASTER IS ALWAYS HARD. SO MANY MEMORIES COMING UP FROM THE PAST. SO MANY TRIGGERS. ITS HORRIBLE. I HATE IT. NO WONDER I CANT SLEEP…TOO MUCH SHIT ON MY MIND. WELL, SINCE IM NOT SLEEPING, I HAVE TIME TO READ ALL THE AWESOME BLOGS I FOLLOW. LOVING ALL OF YA AWESOME PEOPLE! YOUR ALL SO SUPPORTIVE, AND I AM SO APPRECIATIVE. WHO ELSE FINDS IT HARD LATELY TO SLEEP? ANYONE? THERE’S GOTTA BE SOMEONE? I CANT DO THIS ALONE.
Its gone 1 AM now. I am still wide awake. I cant seem to settle down tonight. I feel too wound up to sleep.
I tried watching tv. But I wasnt able to find anything good. I tried looking at amazon prime, and on netflicks, but all I kept doing was scrolling, and not settling on a show to watch.
So then I called my friend Pat, the friend I’m going to see this coming weekend. We chatted for an hour or so and that did distract me from my thoughts and stopped my mind from racing.
Now I’m debating, will I try to sleep, or will I make some tea and read my book for a while.
Its pouring rain outside, the noise of it is soothing to me.
thats how much sleep I’ve gotten. I was watching tv earlier, and I fell asleep while my show was on, so I missed the whole show. But when it ended, I woke up. I stayed up for another hour, and at midnight I went to bed, but now I am up again and its only 3:15, I woke up at 2:30.
I’m frustrated. I really wanted to sleep longer than this. But what can you do? Sleep just isnt coming.
I do have to say though how proud I am because I have been consistently taking our meds. I’ve taken them now for four days straight, and I havent missed a dose at all. Hoping that this will turn into a new trend, and the days of forgetting to take them are finally behind me.
I didnt sleep very well last night. I’ve been up since about 4:30.
I just wasn’t able to stay asleep. I really wanted to but I just couldn’t.
My sleep is gone to hell lately!
I’m not impressed. Of course if my anxiety was less I might have some chance of getting good sleep. Fat chance of that, though.
My anxiety is really bad!
Thank god for clonidine and cups of tea!
Where would I be without them!
Last night, I took 25 mg of fenergan, 2 mg of clonadine, and my regular night meds, before bed.
I wanted to watch operation transformation, which was on at 9:35. I started to watch it, but 10 mins in I fell into a deep sleep.
The meds made me so so sleepy!
I woke when it was over! And I went straight to bed then.
I slept all night! I woke up at 2:30 but I wasnt able to stay awake, so I went back to sleep again.
I woke again at 6:30, feeling so out of it!
I dont think I’m going to take the fenergan again, unless its absolutely necessary. I hate how it makes me feel.
Now, I’ve had a couple cups of coffee, so that grogginess has passed.