Song of the day. Breathe 2 AM

As its almost 2 AM here I thought in honour of my late night I’d post this song that I love.
carol anne

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I SHOULD BE SLEEPING…

ITS SO CRAZY. MY THOUGHTS THEY ARE RACING. I AM WIDE AWAKE. I JUST CANNOT SLEEP.
ITS WEIRD THE THOUGHTS THAT KEEP YOU UP AT NIGHT? DO YOU EVER START THINKING ALL SORTA WEIRD THINGS WHILE YOUR LAYING THERE TRYING TO NOD OFF? I SURE DO. I RUN THROUGH MY DAY, THEN I RUN THROUGH CONVERSATIONS I’VE HAD. I RUN THROUGH THE SHOULD HAVES AND COULD HAVES. I RUN THROUGH EVERYTHING AND STILL I LIE HERE WIDE AWAKE.
I DONT KNOW. I WISH I COULD JUST SLEEP.
LIZ

this sleep thing needs sorting

i really really need to get on top of this sleep thing. but i cant. i’ve tried. believe me i’ve tried. and nothing works. i cant sleep at the right times, or rarely. when i do its because i am exhausted and just cant keep my eyes open for another second longer. last night was hell. i didnt sleep a wink. i was literally up all night. we had awful flashbacks. we did lots of things to distract. and we wrote eileen a ton of emails. i’m sure she didnt want all those emails over christmas. maybe she hasnt checked them though. she might have taken a break. but we just wrote to purge. purge everything out of our system. she’s ok with that. she has said we can. so we did. and it felt good. i was kinda secretly hoping she’d respond to me but she hasnt. my guess is she hasnt checked them. anyway. we listened to the readio, read, talked to friends via email, played on our phone. i let the kids make videos. so yeah. we did a lot to try to get through. but it was horrendous. i ended up making the kids chicken nuggets at 1:30 in the morning. so eventually after all that this morning we were finally able to sleep when it was light outside. we slept from 10 AM until 3 PM. not good. but we had to sleep and sleeping when it was bright outside seemed like the only option. but well now i’m awake, wide awake, again. and i’ll probably be up again all night. its fine for now, i mean i dont have anything i need to do tomorrow. but next week come jan 8th i will be going back to the ILS course, and I wont be able to sleep during the day. i mean, i can get a nap after class if i need to, but thats not ideal. i just really need to sort this thing out. i’m taking my meds properly but they arent helping, i dont take a sleep med though. but the lyrica has sedating properties in it, as does the epilim, depokate for those who know it as that. i’m thinking about asking dr. barry for a sleep med for a few weeks, just to get back on track again. this not sleep for days on end and then sleeping for too long is just not good. i need to be able to be awake enough to concentrate on the ILS course, and its hard when I dont sleep at night to do that. so yeah. definitely need to mention this again to dr. barry. she knows we’ve had hard times over the last couple of weeks, but i havent told her how bad its gotten. i just dont want to end up in the hospital again and i can sense that is where i’ll end up if i dont knock this thing on its head.

insomnia again

not sleeping again. my brain just wont shut off. i am wound up like a top.

Thinking, thinking, thinking. It never ends does it?

think i’ll go make some tea. i think i have some berry tea i might try. self care is good, right? i tried to relax, now its time to try something else.

mom is coming over this morning for a couple hours. she wants to cut the grass. i told her its short no need to cut it but she said she has to keep on top of it.

she’s so good to me without her I wouldnt have anyone to cut my grass and keep it nice and tidy.

i’m thinking about joining a choir. the place where i get my voice coaching has an adult choir, they sing mostly pop. i think i’d like to join if its not too expensive.

of course first i have to find time…

carol anne

man i really need to figure this sleep thing out

well yes. like the title says. i have got to figure out the sleep thing. my sleep patterns are so off. its not even funny.

of course if i didnt sleep during the day, and didnt stay awake for half the night, i might have some chance of figuring it out. but no, yesterday i slept in the afternoon because tiredness overtook me. and then last night i wasnt tired at all so i stayed up until 3 AM. got up again at 8 AM this morning.

i hate the not being able to sleep at proper times. and for proper amounts of time. its either too much or too little. there is no balance.

i hate taking meds to help me sleep. i dont feel that its the answer. i am on a sleep med, but i think i’ve become immune to it, or it has built up in my system or something and now it just doesnt work any longer.

i think i’ll try staying awake for the entire day today and see if that doesnt reset things for me. wish me luck!

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Insomnia strikes, again!

i am not sleeping and i am so frustrated. my back hurts and the pain is keeping me up. i took my anti inflamitorys, i took my night meds, i tried to lie down and sleep, but nothing. this is annoying. its now 3 AM. I have to go to see dr. barry at 8:30. thank god i dont have anywhere else to be tomorrow. dr. barry is used to seeing me and me saying i am exhausted. its too late now to take a halcyon tablet. if i do i’ll be groggy all day tomorrow. i’m wait it out. nitro is asleep in his bed. i should be in mine too.