to my abuser, You were so wicked

wicked…
thats you in a nutshell
there was nothing nice about you
what you did
was steal innocence
steal childrens childhoods
without even a second thought
Wicked…
Pure evil
Thats you
Untruthful
Horrid, vile
with no love to give
even though
your job was to care
your job was to take care of kids
but did you?
oh no
all you did was use
abuse
and throw kids away
as if we were
rubbish, trash
Yesterdays news
One day, soon
You’ll pay
and I will be there
Looking on
with glee
Wicked to the core
thats you

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/09/03/wicked/

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Everybody hurts! Song lyric sunday!

For Song lyric sunday:
https://jimadamsauthordotcom.wordpress.com/2019/05/04/cinco-de-mayo/

So this week for song lyric sunday, jim has challenged us to pick a song that respresents hurt, agony, or suffering.

Here is my choice, its REM’S everybody hurts

And the lyrics to the song…

Everybody hurts, by REM

When the day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you’re sure you’ve had enough
Of this life, well hang on

Don’t let yourself go
‘Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone (Hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (Hold on)
If you think you’ve had too much
Of this life, well hang on

‘Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don’t throw your hand, oh no

Don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone
No, no, no, you are not alone

If you’re on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes

So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts

No, no, no, no you are not alone

Poetry…give up the fight

tears trickle
blurry vision
seaping from her eyes
down her cheeks they cascade
she’s in pain
not physical pain
its all emotional pain
hiding her feelings
she cries into her pillow
hoping nobody will hear her
her sorrow is immense
her overwhelm is palpable
her expression so full of sadness
drained, alone, and so, so tired
she is ready to give up
give up this fight
forever!

1liner wednesday

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.

Someone said that to me today. In response to me saying I felt unstable.

Seems a rather odd thing to say, but on reflection its so true. And that my friends is more than one line, but oh well. It is what it is.

https://lindaghill.com/2019/02/20/one-liner-wednesday-i-need-to-get-out-more/

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Parts are triggered

feeling kinda suicidal right now. trying, trying hard to not go there. but the past is being triggered, i am feeling desperate, I feel so alone, right now. So so alone. I just want an end to this triggering, I feel young parts gathering around, being sucked into the past, feeling so triggered, so emotional, they are so vulnerable, they are crying, crying so hard right now.
Its a hard place to be in. I dont know what to do for them. I wish I knew. I feel so sad for them. I want to care for them and look after them but I am unable to right now. I am unable to give them what they desperately crave, which is love, validation, belonging, I tried to give a few of them a hug, but even that isnt coming to easily at the moment.
I guess I’ll keep trying. I feel so low right now. I feel so depressed. My mood is dark, I am in a dark place, I feel like just ending it. Survival is not all that its cracked up to be.
I just want to feel better. Right now that seems like wishful thinking. I think I’ll go take a shower and let the water pour down on me. Feel the water, and breathe, and maybe put on some nice smelling lotion, and maybe then I’ll feel better. I hope so.

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What if?

sitting here
living in fear
fear he’ll find me
if he does
what then?
what will he do?
what will be my fate?
silence as i sit
shiver and quiver
contemplate
my next move
and contemplate
his, too.

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