dr. barry apt and got my shot

well our apt with dr. barry went great. we were almost late to it though. we had a taxi booked to take us, he was meant to arrive at our house at 8:30. he never showed up. i rang the base and the lady said traffic was mental due to the storms. i told her i had to be there by 8:45. she quickly got a driver to come get me. i was about 5 minutes late meeting sarah. but sarah knew i’d be late. she had an idea i would be due to the bad weather. she had gotten there on time and went indoors. she rang me just as i was arriving. i told her i was just arriving and so she came downstairs to meet me. we first went to get my shot. first of all the building where dr. barry is is huge. when you walk in the main door you take a right turn. go all the way to the end of that corridor and then that is where the mental health services are based. the place where i go for my shot is right by where dr. barry is. that part was good. i got my shot. they weighed me and i’m now 90.5 kg. they gave me my shot. then sarah brought me to the waiting room. the room is open plan. the chairs are so hard. wooden chairs. very hard on your back. i told sarah i didnt think i’d manage the building very well from what i’ve seen of it. i sat and waited for a while before i saw dr. barry. a junior doctor called me to come in but i told him i dont see junior doctors and i would wait for dr. barry. afterwords dr. barry told me he made a mistake, they all only moved in to the building on monday, and things arent set up properly yet so he took my file by accident. finally dr. barry came and got me. she brought me back to her office. she said she’s going to try to book the same office each week for consistency. she asked me if i thought the building was brighter, did I notice the brightness, I did. she said it was very clinical, like a hospital, not very cosy or comfortable. i noticed that too. in the old building it was cosy, and there was only all mental health staff and clients. this new place there are way more people milling around. its just not as homely. we chatted about the move. she knew i was anxious about it. she asked me when the anxiety started about it. i told her after sarah phoned me yesterday to tell me that they’d moved. she then said she’d ask sarah to meet me each time i am coming in, for a few weeks at least. she said she thought I’d eventually be able to navigate the building by myself. I’m glad she has faith in me because I dont. lol. We talked about my sleep. i told her I am only getting 2 or so hours of sleep a night on most nights. i told her the haldol isnt doing anything for me. where as before it would knock me out completely. she asked me if i would like to try fenergan. its a sedating antihistamine. i cant think of the other name for it. i’ve taken it before though. when i took it before it did knock me out. i only took it while i was hospitalised. she gave me a weeks supply and said take it for 3 night in a row. see how i do with that. see if that resets things for me and enables me to get a better sleep. i havent collected the med yet but i will later this week. we talked a lot about therapy. i told her about the new things eileen is trying with us regarding touch and sensory stuff and about eileens training and about our last two sessions. she said it sounds as if we are doing a lot of very intense work. i agreed. we talked through a couple of other things. but mostly it all centred on the move, and on therapy. at the end she made another apt for me for 2 weeks time. and then she very kindly walked me to the entrance where i waited for a taxi. i think i’ll be ok. i think in time we’ll get used to the new layout and the new building. i’m hopeful that we will.

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Old poetry

gripped by fear
she falls apart
tries to self soothe
nothing works
the flashbacks overcome her
vomiting for a whole hour
till her stomach is empty of everything
screaming silently
as a nurse holds her shaking body
is this how it is going to be forever?

ER visit update

c So as you all know we were in the ER last night. We had already seen a doctor after the accident on sunday but we were still all very sore and feeling bad so we decided to go to A and E to be checked over. However we didnt end up being seen. We got there around 7:30. We were triaged and then they said there would be a 4 to 6 hour wait to be seen by a doctor. We were prepared to wait but then around 11:30 Lauren got cranky and very tired and was crying to go home. So mom went to reception and asked them where we were in the queue. The receptionist said there was still 10 people ahead of us. So then we decided not to wait and to just go home. We had an apt with our regular GP scheduled for wednesday morning. So yeah, after a four hour wait we just left. I wasnt happy about it but I had no choice but to go since my sister was leaving and she was the one who had a car to take us home. And still today things arent great. Still we’re feeling bad physically and also mentally. We’re all still very very sore and bruised. And we have pain in our heads and necks. Im still taking antiinflamitories and pain relief. The nurse did say we were categorised and we were being seen based on what was wrong with us so that is why there was such a long wait, because we werent classed as emergencies. So thats my ER update. I have another one about what we did this morning but I’ll write that one up later on today.
carol anne

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my friend came over

my friend norma came over to visit me. it was nice, we had a good time hanging out. she wanted me to put a new book onto her phone. now that I’ve thought her how to use her phone to read audible books she’s flying it and is reading a lot. So I put the new maggie hartley book onto her phone. She stayed for about an hour and a half. i was glad she didnt stay longer as i am a little bit tired, and am planning on having an early night. i plan on reading in bed. i have an early start tomorrow morning. i am meeting dr. barry and my OT mark both appointments are in the morning. i have to be at the hospital for 8 AM. so an early night for me and I hope I will sleep. I told norma that if she reads the book before the weekend that when I come over to train her on saturday I’ll put another longer book on her phone then. she was happy with that and said she’d probably finish it before the weekend. ok time for a coffee now then call my mom for a chat.
carol anne

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10 things

going to share 10 things about me I was inspired to do this by another blogger, lets see if I can come up with 10 things ya’ll don’t know about me…

I’ve had two previous guide dogs. they were both female. goldie who was a golden retriever and Maisie who was a yellow lab. They both retired early.

My depression runs in the family. My gramma on moms side had chronic debilitating depression for most of her life.

I had meningitis when I was 7. Luckily it was just the viral one, not the bacterial kind. I was hospitalised for 2 weeks when I got it.

When I was 5 I got a rash all over my body and my mom thought I had leukaemia. We still aren’t sure to this day what it actually was but again I was hospitalised for it.

I learned to touch type at age 9. It is one of the few things I am thankful for that the school for the blind taught me.

When I was 21 I had a huge birthday party. Its a thing here to have a big party for your 21st. There were about 200 people at mine. We had a karaoke and a dj and lots of food.

I was anorexic as a teen. Nowadays we are more bulimic than anorexic but we still tend to restrict sometimes or do anorexic type behaviours.

I was hospitalised at age 17 for acute stress related disorder, which I now know was the very start of my ptsd symptoms coming out, I was later rediagnosed about a year later with complex ptsd and then diagnosed with did later on again after that.

I have won medals and trophys for gymnastics, I used to participate in them when I was little.

I am fiercely independent. Its a quality I admire about myself. If I can do something by myself, I will. I’m not against asking for help but I like to try things on my own too.

Prayers guys

my mom is in the ER. She has COPD and she had a couple of breathing attacks today so she went to her gp and the gp gave her steroids. She’s had two courses of steroids over the last month. Anyway when she came home from the gp’s she went to try to do her grocery shopping with my sister. But when she got there she started to have another breathing attack. So my sister took her to the ER. I think she’ll be there a while, she said they are very busy. I’ll update as soon as I have news but would appreciate if you’d pray for her.
carol anne

HOSPITAL

I’M SO NERVOUS. I DONT WANNA SEE DR BARRY THIS MORNING. I NEVER TALKED TO HER BUT I HAVE WATCHED. SHE SEEMS NICE, BUT…BUT… I AM NOT READY. I KEEP THINKING WHAT IF SHE SAYS WE’RE DOING BAD AND WANTS TO HOSPITALISE US? CAROL ANNE SAYS SHE WONT. BUT I AM WORRIED. I AM SO DEPRESSED. WHAT IF SHE CATCHES ON TO THAT. WHAT IF SHE SAYS WE NEED TO BE IN THE HOSPITAL TO FIX IT? I DONT WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. I HATE IT THERE. PLEASE PRAY SHE DOESNT SEND ME THERE.
PIXIE